Bostin Austin

[bodie]

I have a friend called Austin.  We were at school together.  No, i don't have the hots for him.  Never have.  He just doesn't have that kind of face.   

I don't always keep in touch with him either and have gone a couple of years without bumping into him.  That has changed lately.  I now go out of my way to catch up with him.

You see, i have discovered Austin is rather extraordinary.

(warning this could be a long story)
The urchin's Dad is mates with Austin's brother, Colin.  They often work together on motorbikes.  He is OK... in a gossipy kind of way.  I really don't like Austin's mum or sister.  His sister was in the year above me at school.  A bossy little cow.  His mum was a dinner lady.  Another bossy cow.

I always liked Austin.  He was popular at school.  He was no romeo, and seemed to have a few friends that were girls, but no actual girlfriends.

I was more than a little worried when Colin told me "our Austin has fell hook line a sinker for some wino ho with six kids and one on the way"

It turned out to be true.  There was much gossip about it.  Austin told me that the child she was having was his.  Contrary to what the gossips were saying.  He also told me that he loved her and her kids and he was the stability she needed.  Oh, and she was an alcoholic.

I didn't know her.  She moved to Brum from Scotland.  She had no friends here.  Rumours about her spread quickly.  From neglecting her kids to being 'on the game'.   I eventually met her, after deciding that if Austin thought she was OK then i might too.

She was hostile at first.  I struggled to understand her accent.  She swore a lot.  She was painfully thin.  Austin had warned me that she was very very sick.  He also confided that the doctors didn't give her much time.  Liver corrosion.  Yet she drank, and drank, and drank.

By the time i got round to meeting her she had already given birth to her seventh child.  Austin doted over the little girl.  He became 'carer'.  He cared for all the children, the house, and looked after this woman who had increasing bouts of being bedridden.  When she wasn't in bed she was off...drinking.

I tried to be her friend.  For Austin's sake.  I  tried too,  to see if i could glimpse in her, even for a second, whatever he saw in her.  I failed to connect with this woman.  I never saw her neglect her kids, or be horrible to them, but by that time Austin was the main carer anyway.  She seemed oblivious to them at times.  Although, i did witness a few mumsy moments.  She only ever really smiled at Austin.  In a bizarre way i actually think she was as smitten with him as he was with her.  Austin and the kids could not keep her from her main love. Booze.

Austin's mum and sister were not too happy about the situation.  They were against him having his relationship with this woman.  He had given up his job to be a full time carer.  Apparently his sister went round there one day and stormed in and dragged this very sick, drunk woman out of bed and really gave her a pasting.  (i got that from someone else, not Austin and i never asked him if it was true)  It seems likely, though.  His sister is a bitch.

I don't think any of us really thought she was going to die.  I got the news off Colin.  When i asked after the kids he said he was sure social services would be round pretty quickly to put them into care.  Everyone assumed this as matter of fact.

Oh they did go round there.  Many times.  They did not take the kids away.  Austin was adamant about that.  I don't know how hard they tried to, i never asked him that either.  I do know that he is now carer/legal guardian to five of them.  The other two, are the eldest two lads who are now aged 18 and 19.  It has been two years since she died.  The two eldest call him Austin.  The five younger ones call him Dad.  Three of them were still in nappies when she died.  That is one hell of a lot of work for any single parent.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed with just one child.  I told you Austin was extraordinary.

He has stood on.  He has kept them together. (seems likely they would have been split up in care)  He has been an amazing Dad.

His mum has tried to badger him into having a DNA test on the youngest to see if it really is his child.  He won't hear of it.  If she got confirmation that the child was not his she would be hell bent on putting them into care.  She is openly hostile to the kids.  Even the one that could be her grandchild. 

I really don't know if he is the biological father or not.  To be honest, i don't think it matters.  It is quite easy to father a child (well, its not rocket science is it?) but being a 'Dad' is something different.  'Dad' is the one who puts the time in.
Who takes them to school every day on the bus?  Austin.
Who turns up at parents evening, sports day and school plays?  Austin.
Who badgered his GP into getting a speech therapist for 2nd youngest?  Austin.
Who kicks a ball around in the park with them?  Austin.
Who feeds and clothes them?  Austin.
Who reads them bedtime stories?  Austin.
Who did i see down the shops with huge bags of laundry on way to launderette when his washing machine broke down?  Austin.

Conclusion = Austin = Dad.

The reason i am telling you all this now is because i have been approached by his mum and sister.  They are trying to rally his friends around.  They want a united front to go round to see him altogether and persuade him that he should give up his children.  He should go back to work and meet a nice girl and have 'a family of his own' one day.  (their words, not mine)

I politely refused his mum's request by saying that there was no way i felt close enough to Austin to tell him how to live his life.  I was more blunt to his sister when she asked.  I told her I had too much respect for her brother than to question his decisions.  Decisions he has made as an adult.  decisions about his life.  I said that i did not agree he was hooked/cajoled/ or deceived in any way into looking after them.  I genuinely saw a mutual love between Austin and the children's mother.  Even in the very worst of circumstances.  He still loves that woman to this day.  I also said I see Austin as a proud Dad.  He isn't wasting his life.  He is a man of purpose.  Always busy.  Yes, he has a huge task.  He has stood on.  It has been over two years and he has never faltered.  (apart from sewing the kids name tags on the outside of their school uniform  )  I also went on to say that they should be really proud of him and support him,  or at least not to try and get him to undo his decisions. It went down like a cup of cold sick.  I don't think she will bother to ask me again.  Bitch.

I feel kind of thoughtful about it all now.  Their words keep ringing in my head.  Such as  "any of his friends that cared about him would want him to be able to move on"  and  "saddled with those children"  and  "wasting his life"  and  "meeting someone he can settle down with"

Therefore, if any of you have read this to the end (wakey wakey?) what do you think about the whole situation, and i guess, am i right to support him?

[Calavera]

I actually read the whole thing, and frankly, you are 100% right for supporting his decision. His wife and his mother and sister I could care less about because they seem/seemed like really messed up people, but Austin sounds like a very good model for his kids, and his kids are lucky to have him.

[skyblue1]

ITherefore, if any of you have read this to the end (wakey wakey?) what do you think about the whole situation, and i guess, am i right to support him?

definitely support for him

nice guy

[Pyraxis]

Yeah. If he chose the life he's living then whose business is it to try and take it away from him? It would be different if he was complaining himself about being "saddled" with the family, or doing a poor job of caring for them, but it sounds like he is doing an excellent job.

Maybe he could formally adopt the kids to shut up the naysayers?

[Queen Victoria]

I'm glad you told them to stuff it where the sun never shines.

"any of his friends that cared about him would want him to be able to move on"  Move on to what? where? who?  He's happy with what he is, where he is  and who he is.

"saddled with those children"  Some men are born fathers.  More like being blessed than saddled.

"wasting his life"  How can being a positive role model and bringing stability, love and happiness to a child, much less multiple children be a waste of life?

"meeting someone he can settle down with"  He has settled down, to a life with 5 children. 

To hell with supporting him, send him some flowers on Mothering Day.

[Al Swearegen]

What defines a person and what is the universal purpose of a person? His sister and mother seem to have it worked out. I say they ought to rethink what they know of people

[odeon]

The guy obviously has some kind of personality disorder.


But with that said, he is BRAVE and worthy of respect. He is, as you say, a Dad, and I don't think anyone should be allowed to tell him otherwise. From what you describe, he also seems to be a good Dad, and those can sometimes be preciously few and far between. The kids are lucky to have him and if karma works, there's nirvana waiting for him.

[bodie]

He is brave, yeah.  An excellent Dad, too.  I should also say the two older kids were both well on their way to prison when they were just with their mum.  Since living with Austin they have really shaped up too.  The one lad has now got a job and girlfriend, etc.  They don't have to stay with him.  They chose to.

The thing that i am concerned about is what a huge responsibility he has.  If that will one day be too much for him.

I can understand his Mum not being too pleased when she found out he shacked up with the woman.  She has been dead two years, now, and i really think life would be a whole lot easier for him if his family were not conspiring against him.  I think i would be proud of him, if he were my son.

I wonder, at times, if he is doing it because it is the only choice he thinks he has got.  I don't see just 'duty' when i see him.  Honestly he has taken to it like a to water.  A clucking hen. He really seems happy.

I don't think he has a personality disorder.  Nothing creepy anyway.  he was pretty unsuccessful on the dating side of life.  I think he probably feels elevated a little.  That is not bad.   I even think it might help him, in the long run, to find 'a nice girl' or at least someone else.  I think a lot of women out there would look at him now, with some respect for what he has achieved.  I am proud of him.  I respect him, too.  He is one of a few people i would actually answer the phone to if it rang in the middle of the night.

[Calavera]

He is brave, yeah.  An excellent Dad, too.  I should also say the two older kids were both well on their way to prison when they were just with their mum.

Not surprised at all. I was actually wondering if those two grew up to be sane or not.

I disagree that Austin obviously has a personality disorder. It could be he might have Avoidant Personality Disorder or something similar, but that's not really necessary to be a very loving father towards his own kids.

[Icequeen]

His sister and mother sound like miserable bitches that probably haven't found much happiness in their lives, so they feel a need to meddle in the lives of others.

Instead of stewing away wishing her son had a different life, his mom should be sharing the one he has before time takes away her chance to do so. Five lives to share the good and the bad with, 8 counting the 2 oldest and her son...she's rich and doesn't know it, because she's a fool.

Hooray for Austin...he sounds like a great dad.

[Parts]

Just think of what the world would be like if there were more like him, his family should be proud of him instead of discouraging him. If I was in his situation I would never talk to my mother or sister again or any 'friends' that sided with them.     for telling them no

['andersom']

Some people just are "made" to parent.

Looks like your friend is one of them. Had he been a woman, people would be praising her all over, I guess, for all the sacrifices she made. But, now he is a guy wasting his life, according to his mother and sister.

If his female relatives can't bear the sight of Austin having found his vocation, and in that, his happiness, then they can always move away.

Brave guy, that Austin, and good for you, to stand up for him.

[renaeden]

Wow, 7 kids. He really is extraordinary. As long as he is happy doing what he is doing then that is awesome.

His mum and sister are foolishly missing out by the sounds of it.

[Charlotte Quin]

It kinda seems that the mother of the children picked him out in order to make sure her kids were well cared for after her passing. And he can't just give up the kids, he's bonded with them, they're like his own. How would someone else feel if they were coerced into giving up their own children? Those several young lives are more important than his one.

I hope the rest of his friends say no as well.