Isn't limerence like having a gigantic crush on someone? I've had a crush on a guy once but I never stalked him. Just as well I kept it to myself because later on I had to work closely with him. By then I was over my crush and I just liked and respected him. Funny thing - he kept calling me by his girlfriend's name.
conlang, was this her behaviour while you were still together? Probably a good reason to break up.
We were still together. But it wasn't a concern like cheating if that's what you're thinking. I'm polyamorous. I would have been absolutely stoked if she had been carrying on a consensual relationship with someone who loved her as much as I did. The cashier was not interested. And furthermore was *at work* and didn't have the option to up and leave whenever a difficult or creepy and frightening customer was on the floor. Or to tell someone off who was acting insane and ridiculous. I can't really get into all the details right now but one of the things she did after *the husband of cashier called* and angrily told her to leave his wife alone she wasn't interested, was to come *back* into this woman's workplace and complain that she had been treated unfairly. But even then I was still telling myself there was a chance I could explain to her that she needed to lay off and stop going. Well she didn't talk to me about it again for months, we talked about other stuff, apart from a week where I refused to speak to her at all which ended when I found myself crying in my car on my lunch break. So I was working up the courage to start another conversation about her troubling behavior and WHY people found it so upsetting when she told me she'd been going to the store again. Probably never stopped. Although I didn't ask. The last thing I said to her was that I was explicitly dumping her for being a stalker.
The whole thing continues to haunt me. I'm second guessing myself, the things I said, the things I didn't say. I knew I had BPD so I didn't want to "split" on a person and relationship that could still be redeemed. While it was going on, I tried to be supportive without being dishonest. Tried to suggest less extreme ways of going about the things she planned to do. Like instead of writing a letter to a complete stranger maybe just a brief note. 1-3 sentences instead of five paragraphs. And after delivering a letter, maybe don't keep haunting the store every day while "waiting for a reply." In fact definitely spend
at least a week away from the store (why did she even need to go there more than once a week? It was a tech store, where tf is she getting the money to be a regular there?). But especially after receiving no reply,
don't go down to the store and fucking confront her about it. If someone was doing that at my workplace I'd be like, "this fool is going to put a knife in me if I remain anywhere they have access to." But she had two idiot friends with half a brain cell between them (my ex, presumably, supplied the other half) who thought her behavior was "romantic." I thought I was going crazy. But nobody I talked to about it was impressed by her behavior. In fact every development of the story that I reported to my friend and current roommate was met with only one word: "Terrifying.
Terrifying."
But I've spent long enough venting about this. I've stayed up way too late into the morning
again. Stressed out about bills and it doesn't help some of my roommates get a bit noisy at odd hours of the day.
