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Start here => What's your crime? Basic Discussion => Topic started by: Calandale on September 09, 2008, 08:28:09 PM

Title: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 09, 2008, 08:28:09 PM
Someone asked me to define this.
Here is what I came up with:

Quote
That's like asking to define pornography. :D

I know what I want. Decent looking, intelligent
enough to handle my interests (more than this, already
shares the peripherals , willing to be my slut, willing
to at least try my ideal of a triad, someone who respects
me enough so as not to cause unreasonable strife, someone
to unleash the inner beast even so, someone I can count
on in a deadly fight, emotionally strong enough to cope
with what I am, possibly my match in the mystical arts,
and maybe immortal.

I'm willing to compromise a bit though. Just not much.
Has to be able to be trained in the things she doesn't
yet have.

How about everyone else?
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: driftingblizzard on September 09, 2008, 08:48:41 PM
Someone asked me to define this.
Here is what I came up with:

Quote
That's like asking to define pornography. :D

I know what I want. Decent looking, intelligent
enough to handle my interests (more than this, already
shares the peripherals , willing to be my slut, willing
to at least try my ideal of a triad, someone who respects
me enough so as not to cause unreasonable strife, someone
to unleash the inner beast even so, someone I can count
on in a deadly fight, emotionally strong enough to cope
with what I am, possibly my match in the mystical arts,
and maybe immortal.

I'm willing to compromise a bit though. Just not much.
Has to be able to be trained in the things she doesn't
yet have.

How about everyone else?


Dang it!  I was so close to meet the list of requirements!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 09, 2008, 09:21:49 PM
Negotiable.  :zoinks:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: El on September 10, 2008, 06:46:56 AM
Perfect isn't out there.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Johnny on September 10, 2008, 10:42:30 AM
Quote from: PMS Elle Evil, Heartless Bitch
 
Perfect isn't out there.

 :agreed:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 10, 2008, 10:52:22 AM
It's a shame about the slut bit, 'cause otherwise I might be tempted by that immortality training. 





(Well, if I really believed you were onto something, that is.)
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: ALLDAYGLOWRANDY on September 10, 2008, 03:46:08 PM
Perfect isn't out there.

There is something called humanly perfect, right Callaway :evillaugh:

I love that word :evillaugh:

Its a great hobby.

I fit with alot of people, given my adaptability, doing almost anything that won't hurt me.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Tesla on September 10, 2008, 03:59:00 PM
Perfect isn't out there.
One can get really, really close if they're lucky.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: El on September 10, 2008, 04:37:48 PM
Perfect isn't out there.
One can get really, really close if they're lucky.
Vibrators?
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: driftingblizzard on September 10, 2008, 07:19:47 PM
Perfect isn't out there.
One can get really, really close if they're lucky.
Vibrators?

Is a vibrator a dildo, what is the technical difference?
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: El on September 11, 2008, 07:31:05 AM
Perfect isn't out there.
One can get really, really close if they're lucky.
Vibrators?

Is a vibrator a dildo, what is the technical difference?

I think there's overlap, but a vibrator can do its good work just by being in there and turned on- or it can do its good work when it's not "in there" at all.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Tesla on September 11, 2008, 10:36:34 AM
Vibrators can be dildos, but a dildo can't be a vibrator because it can't vibrate.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Lucifer on September 11, 2008, 10:41:45 AM
come to I2 for the most profound of philsophical musings...
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Callaway on September 11, 2008, 10:42:27 AM
...vibrators vibrate.

 :laugh:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Blasted on September 11, 2008, 11:46:19 AM
(http://www.fokahi.com/pictures/pic%20enter/funnypics/PerfectMate.jpg)









....what I got in Google after searching "perfect mate"  :O_o:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on September 11, 2008, 02:15:12 PM
The complete opposite of my current mate!

Needs:
-Sense of humor
-Intelligent
-Loves animals
-Respects the Environment
-Open-minded
-Cuteness level depends on personality
-Adventerous in bed (none of this "wam-bam thank you man" crap)
-Comfortable with self, including sexuailty

Inquire within...
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: El on September 12, 2008, 08:20:54 AM
...vibrators vibrate.

 :laugh:
Vibratio, ergo vibrator.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: ApotheosisIV on September 12, 2008, 09:22:54 AM
I'm waiting until she's sixteen.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: klox on September 19, 2008, 06:48:45 AM
(http://image)

....what I got in Google after searching "perfect mate"  :O_o:

Hey four legs is better than two. I like.  :eyebrows:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Alex179 on September 19, 2008, 08:15:47 AM
I might have met mine, she just lives really far away.   I might start searching for jobs in Cali.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: ApotheosisIV on September 19, 2008, 10:46:44 AM
I might have met mine, she just lives really far away.   I might start searching for jobs in Cali.
Good luck with both.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 19, 2008, 07:42:53 PM
It's a shame about the slut bit, 'cause otherwise I might be tempted by that immortality training. 





(Well, if I really believed you were onto something, that is.)

Trust me, that's the WORST part.

The slut bit, well, that's my loving side.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 19, 2008, 07:43:20 PM
Perfect isn't out there.

There is something called humanly perfect, right Callaway :evillaugh:

I love that word :evillaugh:

Its a great hobby.

I fit with alot of people, given my adaptability, doing almost anything that won't hurt me.

I miss you flo.  :zoinks:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 19, 2008, 07:44:01 PM
Trust me, that's the WORST part.

The slut bit, well, that's my loving side.

Love still isn't my thing.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 19, 2008, 07:44:45 PM


Love still isn't my thing.

Understood. And without, well, the immortality would
fail.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 19, 2008, 07:47:09 PM
I'll believe it when I see it.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 19, 2008, 07:56:23 PM
You want me to show you death?  :o
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 19, 2008, 08:05:59 PM
Er, no. BTDT. Ignore the cowardice.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 19, 2008, 08:13:05 PM
Love is something you fear.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Alex179 on September 19, 2008, 08:22:24 PM
Love is something you fear.
Very true.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 19, 2008, 08:48:04 PM
It's like death. Beautiful and terrible.

Thus, worthwhile.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 19, 2008, 10:50:37 PM
Love is something you fear.

I embrace (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,5064.0.html) what (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,5596.msg409041.html#msg409041) I (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,6936.msg410755.html#msg410755) fear (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,7129.msg326491.html#msg326491). I just don't talk about it much.

Entropy is a worse killer.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Blasted on September 20, 2008, 06:33:24 AM
Doesn't fucking exist  :lol:

Cause I'm a slut andf that's that.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 20, 2008, 07:52:11 PM
Love is something you fear.

I embrace (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,5064.0.html) what (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,5596.msg409041.html#msg409041) I (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,6936.msg410755.html#msg410755) fear (http://www.intensitysquared.com/index.php/topic,7129.msg326491.html#msg326491). I just don't talk about it much.

Entropy is a worse killer.

1. Hell, I can't know you well enough (can I even know myself?),
but from what I've seen, I think you're fooling yourself. You take
on what gives you some charge, but are ignoring just WHY you
have avoided love. Probably for the same reasons I avoid most
drugs.

2. Ah yes, this one most of us can assume we get to experience eventually
though. No reason to hurry it.


Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 20, 2008, 07:52:42 PM
Doesn't fucking exist  :lol:

Cause I'm a slut andf that's that.

Pfft.

You can be trained.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 20, 2008, 08:45:12 PM
from what I've seen, I think you're fooling yourself. You take
on what gives you some charge, but are ignoring just WHY you
have avoided love.

I dunno, I think you're pouncing on wishful thinking, Cal. Maybe I'm not into the kind of all-consuming love you are, but that's because I have a life. I would die unfulfilled if the best thing I'd ever done was to love somebody completely.

I gots bigger plans.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 20, 2008, 09:16:20 PM

I dunno, I think you're pouncing on wishful thinking, Cal. Maybe I'm not into the kind of all-consuming love you are, but that's because I have a life. I would die unfulfilled if the best thing I'd ever done was to love somebody completely.

I gots bigger plans.

You're presuming that the love is for a person.
I've seen no sign of the kind of love which
would make your plans possible.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 20, 2008, 09:17:53 PM
Ah.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 20, 2008, 09:30:29 PM
Just your lack of denial
seems rather telling.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 20, 2008, 09:36:48 PM
Figured it would. This is the first point you've scored in quite a while.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Calandale on September 20, 2008, 09:47:50 PM
Eh, it's tough to get through your armor
of self-absorbedness.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Pyraxis on September 20, 2008, 09:48:14 PM
That's the problem.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: El on September 22, 2008, 07:11:48 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DIDOSdPvaU
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Mr Smith on September 22, 2008, 07:15:47 AM
My perfect mate is mc luncheon butt
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Blasted on September 22, 2008, 09:13:06 AM
Who made Cal into a baby? :toporly:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: eris on October 27, 2011, 02:35:46 AM
The perfect mate

personality : atheist , intelligent, CALM, honest, loyal, loving, funny, metalhead

life skills : independent, below middle class, can live alone and take care of everything that entails

physically :  :autism:

pale skin, black/dark hair, very skinny, intense eyes, loads of tattoos, androgynous, taller than me





I dont think I ask for that much.




EDIT: I left out one really really big requirement - they have to be  MALE !
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 27, 2011, 05:57:29 AM
My perfect mate

* taller than me,  but hey that is not difficult

* not too fussy if younger or older,  but obviously must still be able to get it up and not so young that he needs a map and sat nav.

* I like intelligent men,  somewhat geeky in a closet kind of way,  definitely more clever than i.

* Not too keen on pretty men, or perfect looking men.  Prefer a bit quirky
looking.  Like Rowan Atkinson. Or a bit rugged looking.

* I like men to be men.  Not too in touch with  feminine side.  Beer guzzling rather than expensive wine.  Someone who would be quick to dive under my car if it broke down and possibly look up my skirt!

* Must like dogs, oh and be kind to small naughty little boys.

* Money -  preferably some.  A little will be fine and a lot even better.

* Willing to remove spiders humanely,  no matter how small and no matter what time.

* A willingness to laugh at my jokes if they are funny or not would be highly advantageous.

* Sex  -  yes.  Will have to provide it.  Lots.  Adventurous.  Impetuous. Dominant and demanding.  Type that stops the car suddenly on the way home and rips off panties for some :o  ...dammit..i think you get the picture!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Binty on October 27, 2011, 08:33:31 AM
Perfect mates come in all shapes and sizes, I've found.

Kindness, intelligence and talent never fails in attracting me though.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Zippo on October 27, 2011, 08:59:49 PM


* not too fussy if younger or older,  but obviously must still be able to get it up and not so young that he needs a map and sat nav.



well im sorry boda. i dont meet that standard.... i know where things are but not how to work them :P
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 28, 2011, 05:56:59 AM


* not too fussy if younger or older,  but obviously must still be able to get it up and not so young that he needs a map and sat nav.



well im sorry boda. i dont meet that standard.... i know where things are but not how to work them :P
  Don't worry zippo,  for you are young,  i know men in their forties
who don't even know how stuff works.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Zippo on October 28, 2011, 11:50:49 PM


* not too fussy if younger or older,  but obviously must still be able to get it up and not so young that he needs a map and sat nav.



well im sorry boda. i dont meet that standard.... i know where things are but not how to work them :P
  Don't worry zippo,  for you are young,  i know men in their forties
who don't even know how stuff works.

well my knowledge is farly limated to rub the clit and dont have bad breath when you kiss her, and by the ammount of action ive got
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 07:19:09 PM
yes,  the main tips i can give you are as follows:

*foreplay is NOT two cans of lager and a bag of chips

*Nipples,  go easy in that area and remember you are
not trying to tune in radio Luxemburg!

*Don't wipe your nob on the curtains afterwards  :LOL:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Binty on October 29, 2011, 07:22:42 PM
*Don't wipe your nob on the curtains afterwards  :LOL:

Eew, who does that?  :thumbdn:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 07:31:19 PM
It is rife here in the midlands  >:D
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Binty on October 29, 2011, 07:41:21 PM
:aff:

I'm glad the South-Easterners are not as filthy as you lot.

Either wipe on a towel or I'll lick it clean  :thumbup:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 07:48:19 PM
:aff:

I'm glad the South-Easterners are not as filthy as you lot.

Either wipe on a towel or I'll lick it clean  :thumbup:
hmmm yay i like your style - no fuss, no mess, no waste! :LOL:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on October 29, 2011, 07:48:54 PM
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

I am about to lose control and explode!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 07:53:40 PM
 :needpics:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on October 29, 2011, 07:54:43 PM
Soon enough!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 07:58:47 PM
 :jaded:  it's good to share!  don't keep it all in!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Binty on October 29, 2011, 08:00:34 PM
I'd let you squirt on my tits  8)
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on October 29, 2011, 08:02:18 PM
Ohhh my am I really, really horny right now! When is the next flight out of Dulles?
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on October 29, 2011, 08:03:54 PM
I'd let you squirt on my tits  8)

 :2thumbsup:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 08:10:01 PM
are you really COMING?  i could pick you up from the airport.  Binty could
sit in the back with you and show you the sites
and i could observe in the rear view mirror

I have a lovely chauffeur's  cap,  and a roomy Mercedes :eyebrows:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Binty on October 29, 2011, 08:12:56 PM
and a roomy Mercedes :eyebrows:

That is no way to talk about your vagina!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Binty on October 29, 2011, 08:14:54 PM
It should be at least a tight, five star Rolls Royce  :thumbup:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 08:18:55 PM
It should be at least a tight, five star Rolls Royce  :thumbup:

its more like a showroom model actually,  rarely used! :zoinks:

i do drive a merc,  a big silver 3ltre turbo diesel mo fo!

but i lied about the chauffeur hat
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on October 29, 2011, 08:20:25 PM
I am cumming alright!!!! You two have me all worked up I have to relieve some pressure!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 29, 2011, 08:26:59 PM
I was going to say  "get a grip, man"

 :angel:  anyway we aren't teasing
it's your fault,  you and your innuendo

made me say bad things :'(
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: eris on October 29, 2011, 08:34:25 PM
you guys are even making ME blush :P
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on October 29, 2011, 08:36:52 PM
You are welcome to join in! I for one am still going! :headbang2:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Zippo on October 29, 2011, 10:56:09 PM
trigger 11

I wanna fuck you in the ass (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chYba6bt4aA#)

skip to 55 seconds in, that is where i dedicate this to you.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: ZEGH8578 on October 30, 2011, 12:43:36 AM
yes,  the main tips i can give you are as follows:

*foreplay is NOT two cans of lager and a bag of chips

*Nipples,  go easy in that area and remember you are
not trying to tune in radio Luxemburg!

*Don't wipe your nob on the curtains afterwards  :LOL:

even in my frustratingly virginous teens, i was always baffled at the "pointers" people would give me, "for when the time comes". "dont bite her pussy! they really dont like that!"
i mean, wtf...
why not throw in "dont punch her in the throat! dont shit on her while making out! dont try to lift her by her tits!"
wtf are people doing!?
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: "couldbecousin" on October 30, 2011, 01:08:56 AM
and a roomy Mercedes :eyebrows:

That is no way to talk about your vagina!

  :evilplus:  for an awesome punchline!  That was a complete surprise to me!  :rofl:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: El on October 30, 2011, 06:08:14 AM
Perfect isn't out there.
I was right.  But, there's damn-near.  'tis a goal of mine at this point not to commit to less.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 30, 2011, 05:53:49 PM
yes,  the main tips i can give you are as follows:

*foreplay is NOT two cans of lager and a bag of chips

*Nipples,  go easy in that area and remember you are
not trying to tune in radio Luxemburg!

*Don't wipe your nob on the curtains afterwards  :LOL:

even in my frustratingly virginous teens, i was always baffled at the "pointers" people would give me, "for when the time comes". "dont bite her pussy! they really dont like that!"
i mean, wtf...
why not throw in "dont punch her in the throat! dont shit on her while making out! dont try to lift her by her tits!"
wtf are people doing!?
  it was a sarcastic reply to zippo. i was joking.  i wouldn't really expect zippo to wipe his nob on the curtains. my manual on love is far too long to post here.  tis bigger than the Quran.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Squidusa on October 30, 2011, 06:16:05 PM
you guys are even making ME blush :P

OMG.  :o :o :o :o


even in my frustratingly virginous teens, i was always baffled at the "pointers" people would give me, "for when the time comes". "dont bite her pussy! they really dont like that!"
i mean, wtf...
why not throw in "dont punch her in the throat! dont shit on her while making out! dont try to lift her by her tits!"
wtf are people doing!?


Some people might like to have their pussy bitten / be punched in the throat / be shit on / be lifted by their tits.  :orly:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Adam on October 30, 2011, 06:41:42 PM
maybe, but I'd advise most people don't try it out until they know for sure it's wanted :P

and I have met my perfect mate... ah, tara... :lovelove:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Squidusa on October 30, 2011, 06:59:36 PM
If I had tits , I would love a guy to play the bongos on them.  :tickle: :boobs:  :vibrator:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: bodie on October 30, 2011, 07:07:34 PM
If I had tits , I would love a guy to play the bongos on them.  :tickle: :boobs:  :vibrator:
me too :zoinks:
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Binty on October 30, 2011, 07:12:16 PM
The boy has a friend who's a drummer and he has his gf in his phone as "bum drum"  :P
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Trigger 11 on October 30, 2011, 07:30:29 PM
I am a percussionist. Just sayin'!!!
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: ZEGH8578 on October 30, 2011, 07:39:39 PM
If I had tits , I would love a guy to play the bongos on them.  :tickle: :boobs:  :vibrator:

ive said this often
but if i had tits, i would stay at home, fondling myself, indefinitely
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: El on October 31, 2011, 09:22:45 AM
If I had tits , I would love a guy to play the bongos on them.  :tickle: :boobs:  :vibrator:

ive said this often
but if i had tits, i would stay at home, fondling myself, indefinitely
And you'd have a whole lot of appeal to certain types of kinksters.
Title: Re: Your perfect mate
Post by: Psychophant on October 31, 2011, 01:01:49 PM
yes,  the main tips i can give you are as follows:

*foreplay is NOT two cans of lager and a bag of chips

*Nipples,  go easy in that area and remember you are
not trying to tune in radio Luxemburg!

*Don't wipe your nob on the curtains afterwards  :LOL:

 :lol: :plus: