INTENSITY²
Start here => Free For ALL => Topic started by: Genesis on December 28, 2016, 02:21:29 PM
-
??? ??? ??? ??? ???
-
A buddy of mine got pulled over by the Air Force SP's just outside Vandenberg AFB. He had the back half of a mortar round in his car and the SP's had a tizzy fit over it. They asked him "Is this thing inert?" He replied "I can assure you, it's as inert as your reproductive system". ;D
-
ROFL!
What you shouldn't say- ANYTHING. Never talk to pigs. It is not the smart course of action. 'no comment' is the way to go.
Did once tell two pigs in a van to hurry up and let me the fuck inside, because I desperately need a piss. They had nicked me, and driven me way out of town to some pig shop far away from my home, despite their BEING a pig shop far closer. And they knew I was desperate for a piss.
Kept me waiting until I was in pretty bad physical pain due to it. And I told them if they didn't let me the fuck in there right then and there (and thats the only time you'll ever here me TELL the filth to let me into a pig shop!) that I would whip it out and piss on either their meat wagon, or them, whichever was closest at the time. Moved towards the van, when they didn't let me use the bog and still kept me standing there. Whipped my knob out and took one LONG slash over their van, walking slowly around it, making sure to hose down under the driver's side and passenger side front door handles.
They didn't try stopping me either. Well, tried to start to come over to, but then they saw the look I gave the pair of them, and shook my head slowly. They backed off and I made them wait until I was finished emptying my bladder. Unfortunately I had cuffs on and couldn't get the petrol cap off the tank, or I'd have saved the majority of it for the engine, but I left them in no doubt whatsoever, that it was their lucky day to have been standing further from me, than I was from their vehicle and had that not been the case, they would have been the lucky recipients of a free crate of beer. Albeit one that had, unfortunately for them, already been consumed the previous evening.
The look those two filth wore on their snouts was, I have to say, one of the most hilarious sights I have seen in a long, long time. I don't think they were very happy about it, but they were on CCTV in their vehicle holding/loading bay thing, and there wasn't a damn thing they could do other than watch and wait until I had finished emptying MY tank. On their van, whilst just walking round it slowly and spraying away, with what I was trying for as an innocent smile on my face. followed by a satisfied, and very, VERY relieved 'aaaaahhhhhhhhhh.....'
-
ROFL!
What you shouldn't say- ANYTHING. Never talk to pigs. It is not the smart course of action. 'no comment' is the way to go.
Did once tell two pigs in a van to hurry up and let me the fuck inside, because I desperately need a piss. They had nicked me, and driven me way out of town to some pig shop far away from my home, despite their BEING a pig shop far closer. And they knew I was desperate for a piss.
Kept me waiting until I was in pretty bad physical pain due to it. And I told them if they didn't let me the fuck in there right then and there (and thats the only time you'll ever here me TELL the filth to let me into a pig shop!) that I would whip it out and piss on either their meat wagon, or them, whichever was closest at the time. Moved towards the van, when they didn't let me use the bog and still kept me standing there. Whipped my knob out and took one LONG slash over their van, walking slowly around it, making sure to hose down under the driver's side and passenger side front door handles.
They didn't try stopping me either. Well, tried to start to come over to, but then they saw the look I gave the pair of them, and shook my head slowly. They backed off and I made them wait until I was finished emptying my bladder. Unfortunately I had cuffs on and couldn't get the petrol cap off the tank, or I'd have saved the majority of it for the engine, but I left them in no doubt whatsoever, that it was their lucky day to have been standing further from me, than I was from their vehicle and had that not been the case, they would have been the lucky recipients of a free crate of beer. Albeit one that had, unfortunately for them, already been consumed the previous evening.
The look those two filth wore on their snouts was, I have to say, one of the most hilarious sights I have seen in a long, long time. I don't think they were very happy about it, but they were on CCTV in their vehicle holding/loading bay thing, and there wasn't a damn thing they could do other than watch and wait until I had finished emptying MY tank. On their van, whilst just walking round it slowly and spraying away, with what I was trying for as an innocent smile on my face. followed by a satisfied, and very, VERY relieved 'aaaaahhhhhhhhhh.....'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95SYdjRVCR0&
-
Well better out than in, no? it had to go somewhere by that time, and that place sure as hell was not going to be down my leg. Their's? that I'd not have had a problem with, and indeed it would have been preferable. But as it was, took the van as a consolation prize.
Way I see it is, if they are going to try and victimize me and treat me like dirt. I owe no civility to those who are not prepared to treat me with at the very minimum, what is statutorily mine. Such as the right to medical care and the latter not to be withheld for purposes of coercion. And being given meals whilst in captivity. That is not asking an awful lot, and indeed it is a fundamental entitlement, they HAVE to allow you to have food and potable fluid. Yet the bastards had made a big mistake the time before they last nicked me, again, pointlessly, wrongfully and without charges ever bring brought. But I went the best part of two days and a night without food, or access to the medication that I need. I didn't even expect them to provide the latter, I HAD it brought with me, all prescribed, pharmacy signed off etc. But the bastards tried to pressure me into cracking at interview instead of telling them to go fuck a pig and going on with a no comment interview. Told me 'you'll get to take your meds faster if you just tell us what we want to know, otherwise you could be waiting hours for a doctor'
I didn't even NEED a doctor. Just not to be kept from the meds that I already had, with printed dosage instructions even a tiny, pencil-dicked shrivelled up vestigial porcine intellect could fathom. Unfortunately for them, I'd been doing a cycle on memantine for my memory and cognitive enhancement, and the stuff drops opioid tolerance like a stone and nearly nullifies withdrawal from that class of medication. But they planned to both withhold my antiseizure meds and force me into withdrawing from the oxycodone and morphine I take as pain medication in order to effectively coerce by threat of torture answers during interview.
It went so far once when they did that, that it was by chance their in-house doctor saw me having a seizure and hit me with something, diazepam presumably, that brought me out of it.
So, I owed them no civil and courteous treatment. And as such, they were given none.
-
"Is that a taser in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" :eyelash:
"Officer, come quick! Some poor hooker stabbed herself 50 times and climbed into the boot of my car!"
-
Officer! Officer! Theres a Rat in my car!!!!
-
"Ociffer". They will think you're drunk, heh.
-
Call them Orfice-ers and Cunt-stables.
-
Are you going to pull that truncheon out of your anus, or is it just there for decoration?
And LOL Al, I'm going to remember that one. 'orifice-ers', mind if I use that if the filth come round again for any reason, might just have to borrow 'cunstable', but definitely intend to use 'orificers'
The latter is definitely going into my personal lexicon of highly amusing or well-worded quotes. Right up there with the straight to the point 'post-ictal shitty' from kassiane S (mmmhhh...*purring at thought of said lady*:D)
-
Mind your own business. :zoinks:
-
"Ten kilometers over the speed limit? Instead of trying to hassle me for some unreasonable arbitrary and abstract safe traveling speed for half a ton of metal, why aren't you arresting drug dealers from poisoning our youth, fraudsters ripping off old ladies, murderers killing our citizens? Fucking weak, donut eating arsehole. Now give me my ticket and spare me the condescending, sanctimonious telling off and get back to wasting your existence, hassling people".
-
I pay your salary. :zoinks:
-
May I touch your gun? :zoinks:
-
Can we ride with the siren on? :zoinks:
-
Do you take bribes? :zoinks:
-
Do you know who WE are?
-
You're going to make me late. :zoinks:
-
Nice tits. :zoinks:
-
You're not the boss of me. :zoinks:
-
Can I see YOUR license and registration? :zoinks:
-
Is that a rhetorical question? :zoinks:
-
What would Jesus do? :zoinks:
-
:notes: Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? :zoinks:
-
This town isn't big enough for the both of us. :zoinks:
-
Have you been drinking? :zoinks:
-
Move along, nothing to see here. :zoinks:
-
I'm going to tell your mom. :zoinks:
-
My dad could beat up your dad. :zoinks:
-
I know you are but what am I? :zoinks:
-
Save your breath. :zoinks:
-
Do you know YOU have a tail light out?
-
"Ten kilometers over the speed limit? Instead of trying to hassle me for some unreasonable arbitrary and abstract safe traveling speed for half a ton of metal, why aren't you arresting drug dealers from poisoning our youth, fraudsters ripping off old ladies, murderers killing our citizens? Fucking weak, donut eating arsehole. Now give me my ticket and spare me the condescending, sanctimonious telling off and get back to wasting your existence, hassling people".
I got a $100 fine for doing 8km/h over the speed limit. No demerits. It was a camera that caught me. I'm going to keep the evidence because it's an awesome picture of my car. :zoinks:
-
"You don't need to see his identification. These aren't the droids you're looking for. He can go about his business. Move along."
-
Talk to the hand. :zoinks:
-
You mad, Bro? :zoinks:
-
You hit like a girl. :zoinks:
-
Can we ride with the siren on? :zoinks:
:laugh:
-
Choke me harder, daddy.
-
You don't look so tough. :zoinks:
-
You need a breath mint. :zoinks:
-
These handcuffs are making me horny.
-
Ohhhhhhh I do love a man in uniform!
-
Ohhhhhhh I do love a man in uniform!
:lol1: :agreed:
-
Want to race? :zoinks:
-
Go ahead, punk, make my day. :zoinks:
-
Quit standing so close. :zoinks:
-
So, you were out of career options?
-
Is that fresh newspaper on the back seat of your cruiser? :tard: :police:
-
May I have a donut? :zoinks:
-
Are you wearing bacon cologne :bacon:
-
Are you wearing bacon cologne :bacon:
:lol1:
-
Quit being so bossy. :zoinks:
-
Cop/Bobby: Step out of the car.
Me: In out, shake it all about! You do the hokey pokey and you turn around! And that's what it's all about!
-
You're ruining my buzz. :zoinks:
-
Cop/Bobby: Where were you last night around the hours of 23:00 and 2:00?
Me: I was watching interracial gay p...Fuck it, I'm confessing to the murder.
Cop/Bobby: What murder?
Me: Just arrest me for something.
-
Do I get bonus nights in jail if I slap you in the face?
-
"Where's the rest of Village People? We can't perform YMCA with just one member of the group!"
-
"Where's the rest of Village People? We can't perform YMCA with just one member of the group!"
:clap:
-
:agreed: :lol1:
-
"When do the bins go out around here? The body's starting to stink."
-
"Where's the rest of Village People? We can't perform YMCA with just one member of the group!"
:laugh:
Lol, I like the body one above too!
-
Tell me about your mother.... did she appreciate you becoming a cop?
-
So... how small is it?
-
'Wake up, wake up! your house is on fire'
-
'you must have had a pretty shite excuse for a mother if she never taught you that to talk with your mouth full was bad manners; so remove your dick before speaking to me. That is a mouth, albeit a big one, not a pencil sharpener'
-
'Wake up, wake up! your house is on fire'
And it stinks of bacon!!
-
You'd say nothing, so they would not wake up, is the point :P.
-
No YOU have the right to remain silent. :zoinks:
-
Do you know where I can get a good doughnut?
-
(if entered one's home)
''close the fucking door'' *oink* ''but we already closed it''
'no from the other side, you fucking cretin'
One thing I've always wanted to actually do, is get a big box of donuts, eat them all of course, fill box with dog shit using a shovel, secure box in place lightly with a sparing application of superglue to the lid, just enough to make sure it won't fall off of its own accord, jack a pig car, and tie the box of dog shit to the towbar using something like tough braid fishing line, then leave a nice heavy bag of bricks on the gas pedal whilst leaving the brakes partially applied so it goes slow enough to catch up with. Pair of pig trotters from the butchers, left immersed in said dog turd, douse the car in petrol as your getting out, set it blazing like an xmas tree. Cheapo piece of shit chinese mass production line wage-slave produced garbage that will relay the footage.
Again, in the box.
Another filming from the rear of the pig car.
Or perhaps, just one pig trotter, and ram it up the tailpipe, leave there, hidden camera trained on the appropriate spot. Big pool of (pig) blood from a butcher's, to arouse instant reaction, poured in a pool, with the now trotter-less severed leg protruding a little from under the car in the pool of pig's blood, artistically arranged in such a manner that they cannot possibly fail to find that someone has stuck a severed pig trotter up the tailpipe of their pig car. Superglue in the locks would be a nice touch too, maybe some creepy phrases culled from a suitably kitsch horror flick and polished off with a donut, the round kind with a hole in the middle, inserted onto the tailpipe at the end, so it pokes through the hole and the donut stays stuck there.
-
If asked to comply with a piss test (like hell I am, at least not the kind they have ever wanted)
'Are you SURE you want a urine sample?, just how much do you want that sample. caveat porcinus'
-
No YOU have the right to remain silent. :zoinks:
That's quite enough of your lip, little rodent. :police:(http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/16/16_3_108.gif):police:
-
I wish YOU would remain silent. :P
-
"Don't shoot, I'm white! You're only meant to shoot black people, remember!?"
-
"Have you seen Hot Fuzz? Because you remind me of the tubby one"
-
(if entered one's home)
Hey, I didn't order a stripper. :zoinks:
-
(if entered one's home)
Hey, I didn't order a stripper. :zoinks:
:lol1:
-
Seen that movie WAY too many times.
They generally remind me more of the one that communicates in yokel-fashion grunts, skinhead, tall, think addams family 'lurch' and with, well the IQ of your above average copper.
It really is unbefuckinglievable how STUPID they are. Such as one occasion having the lab raided. Morons, not specialists of any kind, just regular porcine imbeciles, started opening containers without thought to what might be inside them. Its only down to sheer luck that they opened ones that didn't contain things like say, PCl3, SOCl2, white phosphorus, lithium aluminium hydride, or other hydride reducing agents, that would simply burst into flames the moment they came into contact with air. And the stupid cunts removed some alkali metals from under the petroleum spirit they are kept under to prevent ignition. And opened bottles of THF and ether, leaving a load of the metal on the fucking desk. If they knew what they were doing, then that was nothing short of a deliberate attempt to burn down the house.
Or coming to raid and 'take samples'. which amounted to nothing other than taking a few ml of this, that and the other liquid, putting it in plastic-topped screw cap giass bottles, amd then leaving them there. I still have them in fact. They took their samples, then left them in the lab, and fucked off without them. Which to me, suggests that they were there only to do damage. The only reason that failed, was that the alkali metals were in the form of thin foils so oxidized too quickly to catch fire and set off the ether/THF. The house was emptied of the rest of the family for a couple of days which was lucky, because it took me DAYS to vent the entire house and remove the intense smell of ether, after the best part of a liter each of EtOEt, THF and some diisopropyl ether evaporated from bottles left without caps on into the house. Fucking stank. I like the smell of the stuff, but bloody hell that was a bit much, and I'm fucking furious about having to replace it. Which, as it happens, I am just waiting for a reply from my supplier du jour, for more, plus a few other things. Replacements for things stolen and other things needful. I've half a mind to get a few things that will burst into flame the moment they are opened outside of a vacuum chamber or carefully dried glovebox purged with inert gas. So anyone thinking to damage and steal is going to suffer. And it will be the fault of whoever did it, by their own trotters..err.hands...no...definitely trotters. Someone burns their face off due to their own negligent stupidity, well they only have themselves to blame.
-
Or coming to raid and 'take samples'. which amounted to nothing other than taking a few ml of this, that and the other liquid, putting it in plastic-topped screw cap giass bottles, amd then leaving them there. I still have them in fact. They took their samples, then left them in the lab, and fucked off without them.
If that was unintentional, that is fucking hilarious.
-
Or coming to raid and 'take samples'. which amounted to nothing other than taking a few ml of this, that and the other liquid, putting it in plastic-topped screw cap giass bottles, amd then leaving them there. I still have them in fact. They took their samples, then left them in the lab, and fucked off without them.
If that was unintentional, that is fucking hilarious.
The samples were camouflaged by all the other stuff in Lestat's lab. :laugh: