INTENSITY²
Start here => Free For ALL => Topic started by: eris on January 03, 2012, 09:52:34 PM
-
yeah. bitch, moan, complain... hate it if you want, but i'm going to start posting again. i dont think anyone is really going to come at me irl anymore. ive been in a bad mood, and if you read the thread you'll find out why. I've had quite an adventure.
here is the tl;dr version
I got evicted december 2d. I knew it was coming. Went to a homeless shelter for like a week, and they convinced me to check myself into a psych hospital. i was there for 2 weeks, i got diagnosed with high functioning autism and post traumatic stress disorder. Then i went to something like a halfway house, and HATED IT. 4 days and I left. Went back to the homeless shelter and stayed about a week, then I found another apartment a few days ago and moved in :)
Here is the long, boring version...
I told some of you guys this, but I lost my apartment and because of the "gas well people" it is really really hard to find an apartment in my area. So, I just left. I left most of my stuff there actually, just got in my car and left. I went to 'the mission". It's a homeless shelter, but not that bad. Had to follow rules and go to church but it's actually an ok place full of caring people. A social worker talked to me, and thought I should get some help. I was pretty depressed, and she thought I should get tested for autism once and for all. So I checked myself voluntarily into the local hospital's psychiatric ward. I stayed there for 2 weeks, and took about a thousand tests. They told me I do NOT have antisocial personality disorder, or ANY personality disorder, and I am not bipolar or any of that nonsense. I have post traumatic stress disorder, and pretty damn bad. I started taking Prozac and Tegratol and honestly, I feel a lot better already. I also got tested extensively for autism. Turns out, Im not really aspie; they say that is kinda unlikely because of the selective mutism and a few other traits i do or dont have. But I am autistic. I was diagnosed high functioning autism.
The hospital wasnt a bad place either. Lots of nice nurses to talk to, and there were 2 wards actually, one where the really crazy people go that like to sing at 4am to imaginary friends, and the unit i was on, just for people with problems. I met a lot of nice people. And of course this wouldn't be an eris story without a boy... there was someone I've known for 20 years and went to high school with there. You might remember me telling a story about how in 1996 I had a threesome in the woods and saw the biggest dick I ever saw in my life, but, oh well, it was him :D Got to know him all over again. We made out in the laundry room a few times >:D He has a lot of issues too, drug problems just like me. Homeless problems just like me. I sure know how to pick'em. Stayed in contact of course, he spent the night here last night. I don't know where it is going . There is another boy anyway. Wait, wait I'll get to that part.
So, after I left the hospital I went to something like a halfway house. This is when I talked to squid and checked in with y'all. I HATED IT. I absolutely will not live with 17 other bitches women with 16 other bad personalities (one girls didn't have a personality) so I just left. I went back to the homeless shelter. When I got there there a boy I had become friends with ran up to me practically crying so happy to see me. He said he regretted not keeping in touch and now that he had the second chance he wasn't going to blow it again. We spent the next 6 days inseparable. We spent Christmas together :) Ok here is the bad news, he is only 18 years old and is also a recovering drug addict. I told you I know how to pick'em.
So 3 days ago I found an apartment !!! It's just an efficiency, but IDC. And it is only like 2 mile away from my old place. The boy came over, immediately, and had half my clothes off before we made it into the apartment. Here is the bad news. He got accepted into the mens halfway house and moved in yesterday. They DO NOT want him to see me. I am 13 years older than him and also a recovering addict and, well, the just dont want him to see me. He says he will anyway, and will find a way around it. We will see. We will see. I like him, really. He's got the cutest little country accent and the cutest little ass and, well, we will see. He said he will stop by after work tonight if he can. I hope he can. And last night the boy I went to high school with spent the night. He likes me a lot, he says, and could even fall in love with me but he doesn't want to be hurt, and wants to take things very very very slow. Thats probably a really great idea. Neither of these guys are my boyfriend, so, we will see...
So, today I went to the cricket store and got one of those thingamajigs that plug into your laptop to give you innerwebs, and here I am. Shiny and new. :cbc:
-
WOW! You have been very busy. It's great to see you're back.
If you don't mind talking about it, what triggered the PTSD?
-
hi callaway. I dont mind talking a little about it. I was abused when I was a kid. My mom let someone molest me for years. That's about it.
-
Here I thought you would grow out of the weirdness and autism. :dunno: :zoinks:
-
I think I will always be weird :santa:
-
hi callaway. I dont mind talking a little about it. I was abused when I was a kid. My mom let someone molest me for years. That's about it.
I missed this post. Did not intend to seem callous.
-
hi callaway. I dont mind talking a little about it. I was abused when I was a kid. My mom let someone molest me for years. That's about it.
That's horrible. I'm so sorry that it happened to you. Mothers are supposed to protect their children, not let some sick evil twisted person molest them. I would want to kill or castrate anyone that hurt my daughter like that.
-
hi callaway. I dont mind talking a little about it. I was abused when I was a kid. My mom let someone molest me for years. That's about it.
I missed this post. Did not intend to seem callous.
lol, it's ok. i knew what you meant :)
I'm really over most of it, it just left me with a lot of anxiety about, well, everything. The medicine will help.
hi callaway. I dont mind talking a little about it. I was abused when I was a kid. My mom let someone molest me for years. That's about it.
That's horrible. I'm so sorry that it happened to you. Mothers are supposed to protect their children, not let some sick evil twisted person molest them. I would want to kill or castrate anyone that hurt my daughter like that.
yeah thats why i dont talk to my mom. She neglected me and honestly i think that was worse than the sexual abuse. She never even took me to the doctor, that's why I had diabetes for years and didnt know it. She is mentally ill and an alcoholic. So, momma didnt love me, boo hoo. It just made me kinda nervous. I'll be ok.
-
Eris, I am SO glad you're back home (here). Rough journey of discovery, but welcome back.
P.S. Is your cat still around?
-
hi QV. :)
ahh, bad news. my 14 year old prince of a cat died last week. He had a stroke, and died the same way his sister died. Lily, my little lady, is still around but I cannot have her here, Ive permanently given her to a friend who loves her very much.
-
Holy fuck, I didn't expect you'd come back here, srsly, Welcome back Eris. :)
-
hi QV. :)
ahh, bad news. my 14 year old prince of a cat died last week. He had a stroke, and died the same way his sister died. Lily, my little lady, is still around but I cannot have her here, Ive permanently given her to a friend who loves her very much.
:hug:
-
Hey eris. I have taken Prozac and Tegretol too. Be careful with the Tegretol, don't take too much of it.
I didn't know you had selective mutism as well. I got told I wasn't Asperger's too, but have never had selective mutism. It is something I don't understand very well.
I really hope your life is turning around now for the better and you get some stability back.
-
Good to see you again. :viking:
-
Glad you're back. I was worried about you, I was hoping your absence didn't have anything to do with the surgery you had. Good to hear you're doing better.
-
Holy fuck, I didn't expect you'd come back here, srsly, Welcome back Eris. :)
Hi professor :)
Hey eris. I have taken Prozac and Tegretol too. Be careful with the Tegretol, don't take too much of it.
I didn't know you had selective mutism as well. I got told I wasn't Asperger's too, but have never had selective mutism. It is something I don't understand very well.
I really hope your life is turning around now for the better and you get some stability back.
Hi ren :)
I take tegratol 2x a day 200 mg. At first, i didnt shit for a week. seriously ! but that went away and havent had any other side effects. the prozac is making me happy, it's a strange feeling im not sure how to take it.
The selective mutism is something that was much worse when I was a kid. But, when people scream at you to speak you sort of get over it a little. I still do it, but not noticeably. People just think I dont like them, they are usually right but I still dont want to talk to them. I like to look at people I like, and avoid completely, eye contact and speech, with people I dont like. If I HAVE to talk I will, but I really dont say much. I dont really speak that much to my friends either.
-
Good to see you again. :viking:
Thanks, pyraxis. Good to see you too :)
Glad you're back. I was worried about you, I was hoping your absence didn't have anything to do with the surgery you had. Good to hear you're doing better.
Hi EBM :) Naa, I'm fully recovered from the surgery. Nice to see you again
-
Welcome back, you crazy lady. :autism:
Sorry about your childhood days. Some people are too fucked up to be allowed to have children.
-
hi calavera. your name always makes me think of max cavalera.
eh, it's ok. That was a long time ago.
Good news is im not as crazy as I thought i was :D and now I'm officially a spazz. :squiddy:
-
If it makes you happier, that's good. But it means I'm the only crazy one here now. :cbc:
-
But it means I'm the only crazy one here now. :cbc:
:hahaha:
-
well being diagnosed makes me feel more, uh, complete. thats the only way i know how to describe it. I always "knew" but now everyone knows. And now i can get help at the local autism center. I feel ... relieved.
...
and the boy cant come over. he seems pretty pissed. they absolutely forbid him to see me, and he always has to tell them where he is. he isn't happy. neither am i. At least i got to hit that shit a few times, but srsly, im kinda sad. He was a nice boy. I still may see him again. I do kind of see their point of why he shouldn't see me, but at the same time think they don't know me and i would be good for him. Oh well.
-
That makes four of us HFAers on here. :autism:
-
My diagnosis was HFA as well... I thought Asperger's and HFA are similar if not the same?
-
Anymore they're the same. Just got to wait for the ignorant masses to catch up. :P
-
My diagnosis was HFA as well... I thought Asperger's and HFA are similar if not the same?
That makes five! We will take over!
I guess it depends on the way the person is diagnosed. There have been lots of arguments on this.
E.g. when/where I was diagnosed, 5 or 6 criteria from the DSM IV-TR were needed to be met to get the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. I met 8 and a half and so got HFA. The psychologist also gave me an IQ test and interviewed my mum. Then I had to go and see a psychiatrist to have the diagnosis confirmed.
See, it is different for everyone. Eris would have gone through a different procedure to get the same diagnosis and I assume yours was different too.
-
Welcome back, dear. Nothing can keep you down! :hug:
-
Welcome back, dear. Nothing can keep you down! :hug:
hi cbc :D :D :D nothing can keep me down for too long, 'cept maybe silly boys
-
My diagnosis was HFA as well... I thought Asperger's and HFA are similar if not the same?
That makes five! We will take over!
I guess it depends on the way the person is diagnosed. There have been lots of arguments on this.
E.g. when/where I was diagnosed, 5 or 6 criteria from the DSM IV-TR were needed to be met to get the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. I met 8 and a half and so got HFA. The psychologist also gave me an IQ test and interviewed my mum. Then I had to go and see a psychiatrist to have the diagnosis confirmed.
See, it is different for everyone. Eris would have gone through a different procedure to get the same diagnosis and I assume yours was different too.
I was interviewed by a psychiatrist and about 4 other people I didnt know the titles of, and was given a lot of tests. like 'how would you react to this" sort of tests. I was also given an IQ test, found out it was 125. Not bad I guess. I dont know how much criteria i fell into or anything, but they said I had enough aspects to be HFA.
-
Glad to see you back eris!!! :hug:
It might do you some good to lay off the prettyboys for a while while you rebuild your life.
I know the temptation is there becuase you feel happy when you're with them, but i'd be inclined to take life one step at a time for a couple months.
-
Welcome back! :)
-
Glad to see you back eris!!! :hug:
It might do you some good to lay off the prettyboys for a while while you rebuild your life.
I know the temptation is there becuase you feel happy when you're with them, but i'd be inclined to take life one step at a time for a couple months.
hi scrap :)
ah, yeah, the boys... IDK if I can give them up, but they arent as much as a priority anymore. The 18 year old probably cant see me anymore, and the 34 year old wants to take things really really slow. All I can say is I'll do my best.
My priority is staying clean. I got 32 days clean. And I got my job back, too. I'm going to make it, lol.
Welcome back! :)
hi nun lady :)
-
I had thought you quit drugs after your stay in detox and that was ages ago.
Awesome that you got your job back. :)
-
yeah I did. for a minute
I did quit taking xanax after detox, but kept on with everything else. I'm done with everything now, I dont even smoke pot anymore
-
yeah I did. for a minute
I did quit taking xanax after detox, but kept on with everything else. I'm done with everything now, I dont even smoke pot anymore
:zombiefuck: :yikes: :bigcry:
Well, I guess you gotta do what ya gotta do. :dunno:
-
^What is wrong with staying off pot? It isn't exactly a harmless drug.
And eris, about your IQ, I had always thought you were a smart cookie. :)
-
Hey Eris, welcome back. This HFA-er missed you too.
Um, dunno what to say but I'm really glad you're 'en route' again.
-
You too, lutra? I guess you haven't really said so before. That makes six. :)
-
I'm probably HFA myself rather than Asperger's. Am I already included? Or do I need to go through some initiation rite first?
-
I have no idea. Are you self-diagnosed?
-
I have no idea. Are you self-diagnosed?
Confirmed professionally as having autism. But not sure which one exactly. Judging from the YouTube videos some of the autistics have made, I'm guessing I'm HFA because I couldn't imagine myself speaking fluently like any of them do.
-
My diagnosis was HFA as well... I thought Asperger's and HFA are similar if not the same?
Same.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's but my son who I was very similar to at his age was diagnosed with HFA.
-
I have no idea. Are you self-diagnosed?
Confirmed professionally as having autism. But not sure which one exactly. Judging from the YouTube videos some of the autistics have made, I'm guessing I'm HFA because I couldn't imagine myself speaking fluently like any of them do.
I am guessing you would be HFA then, but that is just my opinion.
Well, sometimes I speak fluently, sometimes I don't. I have seen aspies who speak with a lot more expression than I do on YouTube. Have you seen a video of anyone that is like you?
-
Not yet. Should do an audio one of these days and upload it somewhere on the Internet.
-
@ Ren.... had a couple of labels put on me before (by different psychologists/psychiatrists) but the 'final verdict' was/is HFA. Nowadays I wish nothing to do with those arrogant behind the back going carebizzers here and just don't care any more.
I fit most of the list of typical AS traits though. Well, to me they're kinda the same too (AS/HFA).
-
Not yet. Should do an audio one of these days and upload it somewhere on the Internet.
Yes, I will listen to it, I am thinking you would have a nice accent. :)
I would do a video but I have no idea how, being a computer n00b still.
@ Ren.... had a couple of labels put on me before (by different psychologists/psychiatrists) but the 'final verdict' was/is HFA. Nowadays I wish nothing to do with those arrogant behind the back going carebizzers here and just don't care any more.
I fit most of the list of typical AS traits though. Well, to me they're kinda the same too (AS/HFA).
Some psychs are ok though. I still see the psych who cared enough to see the trouble I was in within the mental health system and did something about it (referred me on to get diagnosed). If you are happy with the way you are now, that is what matters. :)
-
Welcome back, eris!
And uh not to respond to you coming back with an immediate downer, but are you using protection with these guys? Always a relevant worry, but especially if they're also addicts and/or in recovery, even if they're not using needle drugs, they could very well be/have been sleeping with people who do, or sleeping with people who sleep with people who do (you get the picture).
-
Welcome back You had some adventure and I am glad you made it through it all in one piece.
-
Welcome back, Eris. I missed you!!! :dominatrix:
-
Hey, you're back, too. It's a happy reunion now.
-
Hi eris
So glad that you are ok! I was very concerned about you. For what it is worth i think you are doing a great job of getting on with things. You have already overcome such a lot, it is nice to see you are still kicking ass.
I really think your mom is a shit. No way should she let anything like that go on. I agree with Callaway and am so sad for you that you did not have a good mum. I am amazed that you have turned out to be a good person, and i really think you are. Very good. I think you are also a resilient, ass kicking, gritty mo fo but you have a good heart. :zoinks:
I always enjoy reading your ramblings - glad to be reading them again! xx
-
Welcome back eris!! :hug:
-
Welcome back eris.
Hope you can stay here for a while
-
ERIS IS BACK!!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!! ERIS IS BACK!!!
OMG!!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BITCHES!
-
Glad to see you back. :)
-
Hi Lutra, Parts, Odeon, V, Icequeen, Psychopant and Zippo :):):):)
thank you bodie for the words, you (and all of you) are true friends.
Elle, hi :) and yeah, I'm using condoms. I promise :)
-
Hi Lutra, Parts, Odeon, V, Icequeen, Psychopant and Zippo :):):):)
thank you bodie for the words, you (and all of you) are true friends.
Elle, hi :) and yeah, I'm using condoms. I promise :)
i found some condoms you should get ahold of for next time you find a nerd who loves starwars and bondage or what ever stuff you do with him...
(http://monsterfail.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/20111121-daynjyuu9uqx3kesdue9wkm6qw.jpg)
-
star wars, zip ?
that's really kinky :O
-
Reminds me of the "lightsaber" fight scene from the movie, "Spaceballs". :lol:
-
Spaceballs (NEW SABERS) Preview (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCd_b4vWdzQ#ws)
-
Hi eris. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.
-
Hi Lutra, Parts, Odeon, V, Icequeen, Psychopant and Zippo :):):):)
thank you bodie for the words, you (and all of you) are true friends.
Elle, hi :) and yeah, I'm using condoms. I promise :)
Yes but are you just filling them up with water and dropping them off your balcony onto unsuspecting passers by?
-
Hi Lutra, Parts, Odeon, V, Icequeen, Psychopant and Zippo :):):):)
thank you bodie for the words, you (and all of you) are true friends.
Elle, hi :) and yeah, I'm using condoms. I promise :)
Yes but are you just filling them up with water and dropping them off your balcony onto unsuspecting passers by?
No, dear, that's just you. :P
-
Hi Lutra, Parts, Odeon, V, Icequeen, Psychopant and Zippo :):):):)
thank you bodie for the words, you (and all of you) are true friends.
Elle, hi :) and yeah, I'm using condoms. I promise :)
Yes but are you just filling them up with water and dropping them off your balcony onto unsuspecting passers by?
No, dear, that's just you. :P
SillyBilly is my middle name? :zoinks:
-
Hi eris. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.
nice to meat you, too ;)
Hi Lutra, Parts, Odeon, V, Icequeen, Psychopant and Zippo :):):):)
thank you bodie for the words, you (and all of you) are true friends.
Elle, hi :) and yeah, I'm using condoms. I promise :)
Yes but are you just filling them up with water and dropping them off your balcony onto unsuspecting passers by?
those things are too damn expensive for that. Costs over a dollar a fuck >:(
-
Hi Lutra, Parts, Odeon, V, Icequeen, Psychopant and Zippo :):):):)
thank you bodie for the words, you (and all of you) are true friends.
Elle, hi :) and yeah, I'm using condoms. I promise :)
Yes but are you just filling them up with water and dropping them off your balcony onto unsuspecting passers by?
No, dear, that's just you. :P
SillyBilly is my middle name? :zoinks:
It probably is! But that's why your little boy has so much fun! :happydance:
-
Indeed, but i wants him to laugh along with me....not at me! :hahaha:
-
Indeed, but i wants him to laugh along with me....not at me! :hahaha:
With you, at you, as long as he's laughing it's all good! :2thumbsup:
-
those things are too damn expensive for that. Costs over a dollar a fuck >:(
Hell of a lot cheaper than having a kid.
-
those things are too damn expensive for that. Costs over a dollar a fuck >:(
Hell of a lot cheaper than having a kid.
:indeed:
-
those things are too damn expensive for that. Costs over a dollar a fuck >:(
Hell of a lot cheaper than having a kid.
:plus:
Yep, one dollar a fuck v.s thousands of dollars a year for 18 years at least combined with personal commitments.
Once a day for a year is: $365
Estimated year for child: ~$11,111 (basing it on $200,000 over 18 years, sort of lower end)
The good news is that, you can fuck upto 30 times a day with those condoms before reaching that averaged cost of raising a child per year. That's just a conservative financial cost, the personal cost... Yeah, too subjective to estimate.
TL;DR: He's right, and you can fuck up to 30 times a day before having a child (without any more fucking) is less costly.
-
Glad to see that you're back. At least you've got fuckbuddies to help you through your troubles.
-
30 ! gah, my vagina would fall off
i think the most ive had was about 7 a day
-
Glad to see that you're back. At least you've got fuckbuddies to help you through your troubles.
thank you, pentagram