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Author Topic: make someone laugh  (Read 139669 times)

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Offline Nomaken

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #390 on: January 08, 2007, 03:18:11 AM »
And as always, these are simply my worthless opinions.
Reverence is fine, Sanctity is silly.
We're all fucked, it helps to remember that.

Offline renaeden

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #391 on: January 08, 2007, 06:25:43 AM »
Note: I, personally, never use the word Poopie.


The Poopie List
• GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
• CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
• WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.
• SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.
• POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
• LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
• GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.
• DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
• CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.
• GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
• SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.
• WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
• THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
• THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!
Mildly Cute in a Retarded Way
Tek'ma'tae

Graelwyn

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #392 on: January 08, 2007, 07:36:29 AM »
 :laugh: Hate to say it, but that's my kinda humour...like the last one, but never done it. I always do a test run on the fart to check if anything is waiting  :P

ozymandias

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #393 on: January 08, 2007, 10:18:28 AM »
As a nurse and general all round nutjob, I find that funny!  I have a slightly similar list in my humor folder!

Offline McGiver

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #394 on: January 08, 2007, 10:54:15 AM »
:laugh: Hate to say it, but that's my kinda humour...like the last one, but never done it. I always do a test run on the fart to check if anything is waiting  :P

quick, get me a change of undies.  i just farted but it wasn't gaseous.
Misunderstood.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #395 on: January 08, 2007, 11:02:42 AM »
:laugh: Hate to say it, but that's my kinda humour...like the last one, but never done it. I always do a test run on the fart to check if anything is waiting  :P

quick, get me a change of undies.  i just farted but it wasn't gaseous.


Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

ozymandias

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #396 on: January 08, 2007, 12:44:34 PM »
I have two books that I picked up at a local hiking center store:

"How to Shit in the woods" 2nd edition  "An environmentally sound approach to a lost art" by Kathleen Meyer published by Ten Speed Press, Berkeley, California

"Up Shit Creek" "A collection of Horrifiyingly True Wilderness Toilet Misadventures"  by Joe  Lindsay  (same publisher)

And for what it's worth

"Sex in the Outdoors" "A humorous approach to recreation" by Robert Rose, MD. and Buck Tilton, M.S.  Illustrated by Marc Bohne
Published by ICS Books, Inc.  1370 E. 86th Place  Merrillville, IN   46410

The shit creek book is hilariously gross and has a great list of all sorts of euphemisms for taking a shit!  "drop the kids off at the pool" being one. >:D

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #397 on: January 08, 2007, 05:41:55 PM »
I've read part of "How to shit in the woods."  I was stuck in EMS while my mom shopped around (in her element).
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline McGiver

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #398 on: January 09, 2007, 09:55:16 AM »

i think that elephant probably always has that non-plussed look on its face during tourist seeason.
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Offline DirtDawg

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #399 on: January 10, 2007, 01:55:15 PM »

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses! I thought the results were pretty interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too fat...

10% of women think their ass is too skinny...

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #400 on: January 10, 2007, 01:58:50 PM »

Ole married an attractive woman, Lena, half his age. After several months, Lena complained that she had never climaxed during sex; and according to her Grandma, all Norwegian farm women are entitled to a climax once in a while.

To resolve the problem, they went to see the large-animal Vet since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in Mower County, Minn. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Mother and Dad, Olga and Sven, would fan a cow that was having any difficulty birthing a calf to cool her down and make her struggles easier.

The Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to climax.

So the couple hired a young man from the big city of Minneapolis named Lars to wave a towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, and still no climax, they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for Lena to change partners and let Lars have sex with her while Ole waved the towel.

They tried it that night and Lena went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one after the other. When it was over, Ole smugly looked down at Lars and said, "Ya see, city slicker, now THAT's how ya wave a towel!"
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #401 on: January 10, 2007, 02:02:11 PM »


An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, with foul smelling fluid all over him, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost!"
« Last Edit: January 10, 2007, 02:04:13 PM by DirtDawg »
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #402 on: January 10, 2007, 02:05:55 PM »

What is a son of a bitch, exactly?

[attachment deleted by admin]
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #403 on: January 10, 2007, 02:18:34 PM »
:LMAO:

DD+
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

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Offline DirtDawg

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #404 on: January 10, 2007, 02:27:11 PM »
There must be some benefit to surfing the web for hours everyday.  ::)


Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.