make someone laugh

[DirtDawg]

NEWSFLASH!!
Pending Legislation - Americans With No Abilities Act

Washington, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans.  The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. 

'Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in  society,' said California Senator Barbara Boxer.  'We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.'

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million 'middle man' positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.  Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.  The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, 'Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?'

'As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,' said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember 'rightey tightey, lefty loosey.' 'This new law should be real good for people like me,' Gertz added.  With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL): 'As a Senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities.  It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.

 

[DirtDawg]

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel lightly), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision because, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kph. (Remember, the Pope is German.)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'A senator?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'
Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, ' just tell me, who the hell is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'The Pope is His chauffeur!'
 

[DirtDawg]

Molecules With Silly Names


Uranate


Not all are funny. Some are just stupid, but the site's worth a look.

[DirtDawg]

Young Chuck in Montana bought a horse from a farmer for $100.   The
farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.   The next day he drove up and
said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already'
Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.'
The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead horse!'
Chuck said, 'Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened
with that dead horse?'
Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $998.'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'
Chuck grew up and works now for the government. He was the one who
figured out how to "bail us out".

[Callaway]

Molecules With Silly Names


Uranate


Not all are funny. Some are just stupid, but the site's worth a look.

We didn't have a smiley of someone peeing, so yours has been assimilated.

 

It's uniqueness and distinctiveness has been added to our own.

 

Try : pee : without the spaces:

[renaeden]

  Moronic Acid:


DirtDawg.

[renaeden]

[Pyraxis]

 :lol:

[DirtDawg]

I love that!

[key Stats]

it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter    or not

[DirtDawg]

it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter    or not

It would certainly be funnier to some of us, but a wide cross section of folk would consider that TOO anti-social to be funny.

[key Stats]

it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter    or not

It would certainly be funnier to some of us, but a wide cross section of folk would consider that TOO anti-social to be funny.

Yeah I see that, perhaps though if it was centred around Pontiff Ratburger running amok in Vatican city it might carry wider appeal..

[DirtDawg]

it'd be even funnier if it was a first person shooter    or not

It would certainly be funnier to some of us, but a wide cross section of folk would consider that TOO anti-social to be funny.

Yeah I see that, perhaps though if it was centred around Pontiff Ratburger running amok in Vatican city it might carry wider appeal..

Yeah, I see that ...

When will you have the game up and running.

I'm ready to sign up!

[Diesel]

[El]

http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/121656  Fuck YOUR life?  How about your poor girlfriend's life???