make someone laugh

[Calandale]

Arthritic Papaya Nixon  :lol:

Nice one though.

[DirtDawg]

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "O.K.,Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

[DirtDawg]

...How Do Crazy Peole Go Through The Forest?
...They Take The Psycho Path.

=

...How do you Get Holy Water?
...You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

=

...What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
...Dam!

=

...What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long?
...Polaroid's

=
...What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
...Subordinate Clauses.

=

...What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean and Twitches?
...A Nervous Wreck.

=

...Whay do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
...Because They Have Big Fingers.

=

...What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
...The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

=

...What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Skydiver?
...A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
...A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

=

...How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
...Somebody's 'Gonna Lose A Trailer.

[Calandale]

I'm abusing my admin powers here.
You've posted too much funny shit.

[DirtDawg]

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what's the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered. "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars.* Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.* Then ask your brother is he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars.* Come back and tell me what you learned from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"

The mother replied, "Of course I would!* We could really use that money*to fix up the house and send you kids to a great college.

"The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

The girl replied, "Oh my god!* I LOVE Brad Pitt!* I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts??!!"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?"

"Of course," the brother replied.* "Do you know how much a million could buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes, sir.* Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a queer."

[odeon]

[Calandale]

 :lol:

[DirtDawg]

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the
kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and
masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she
tends to be more attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and
a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.

[DirtDawg]

What would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Thoughtfulness is important for this evaluation to be meaningful!

Ready? Begin!

You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact... There is chaos around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. This is a flood of major proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper caught in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is showing all its destructive fury. You see a man in the water! He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away with the water and debris.

You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. Suddenly, you know who it is... it's George W. Bush. At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the most dramatic photos of your life. You can save the life of President Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

Now, here's the question (please give an honest answer): Would you select the dramatic accuracy of color film or rather go with the classic simplicity and emotional appeal of black and white?

[DirtDawg]

:lol:

I keep a dossier of humor. I've been meaning to post some of these for a while.

[DirtDawg]

Headlines that should have been reconsidered.


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
__________________

[Pyraxis]

 

[zaftig]

I second that  :lol:

[renaeden]

I second that  :lol:

Thirded!

[Calandale]

Adam Ant video that
make me laugh