Author Topic: make someone laugh  (Read 141838 times)

0 Members and 4 Guests are viewing this topic.

Offline Callaway

  • Official Spokesperson for the Aspie Elite
  • Caretaker Admin
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 29267
  • Karma: 2488
  • Gender: Female
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #945 on: June 17, 2007, 11:57:39 PM »
OK, so I was looking at apartment ads today, and several said "No pets, no smoking."  That lead my dad to ask,  "Does your cat smoke?"

Me:  "Only when I set him on fire."



(As for me, I only smoke after sex.

And then, only if I ran out of KY.)

:LMAO:

Offline BadgerTom

  • DEPRAVED ASSHAT
  • Elder
  • Dedicated Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 2611
  • Karma: 168
  • Gender: Male
  • NSFW - Not Safe for Woke
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #946 on: June 18, 2007, 09:15:00 AM »
:naruto4:  +1

Offline El

  • Unofficial Weird News Reporter of the Aspie Elite
  • News Box Slave
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 21926
  • Karma: 2615
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #947 on: June 19, 2007, 04:06:16 PM »
Britney Spears metal covers.  Some are death metal.  You may die laughing.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline DirtDawg

  • Insensitive Oaf and Earthworm Whisperer
  • Elder
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 31602
  • Karma: 2544
  • Gender: Male
  • Last rays of the last days
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #948 on: June 21, 2007, 03:09:08 PM »
From a Catholic school teacher's memoirs:

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom while the children were drawing.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


A teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."


The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael; he's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's dead."


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."


The children were lined up in the cafeteria of an elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was
a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."



A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

  • Insensitive Oaf and Earthworm Whisperer
  • Elder
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 31602
  • Karma: 2544
  • Gender: Male
  • Last rays of the last days
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #949 on: June 21, 2007, 03:11:48 PM »
Why some men wear earrings:

A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch when he noticed an old friend. What really caught his attention was that this friend was wearing an earring.


The farmer knew his old buddy to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."


The farmer walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."


"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the fellow replied sheepishly.

The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck," the man replied.
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

  • Insensitive Oaf and Earthworm Whisperer
  • Elder
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 31602
  • Karma: 2544
  • Gender: Male
  • Last rays of the last days
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #950 on: June 21, 2007, 03:14:54 PM »

A country doctor wanted to go hunting but couldn't afford to close down his clinic for a day, so he asked his assistant to cover for him. When the doctor returned, he asked Jim how it went. Jim said, "Well, Doc, I only had three patients. The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol." "Excellent, that's exactly right. How about the second?" "The second one had a stomach ache so I gave him Maalox." "Bravo. Good job. What about the third patient?" "Well, doc, this woman came in, stripped down naked, laid down on the table, spread her legs, and shouted, 'Help! I haven't seen a man in five years!'" "Good god, Jim! What did you do?" asked the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes!"
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline DirtDawg

  • Insensitive Oaf and Earthworm Whisperer
  • Elder
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 31602
  • Karma: 2544
  • Gender: Male
  • Last rays of the last days
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #951 on: June 21, 2007, 03:18:13 PM »
Quite strangely, the television studio suddenly fell silent:
Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.

Offline odeon

  • Witchlet of the Aspie Elite
  • Webmaster
  • Postwhore Beyond Repair
  • *****
  • Posts: 108944
  • Karma: 4483
  • Gender: Male
  • Replacement Despot
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #952 on: June 21, 2007, 03:29:52 PM »
:LMAO: +
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline Leto729

  • The God Emperor of the Aspie Elite
  • Elder
  • Maniacal Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 14008
  • Karma: 596
  • Gender: Male
  • Shai-Hulud
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #953 on: June 21, 2007, 06:57:02 PM »
Dog days of summer.
Guardian of the Empire

Offline El

  • Unofficial Weird News Reporter of the Aspie Elite
  • News Box Slave
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 21926
  • Karma: 2615
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #954 on: June 22, 2007, 07:37:10 AM »

A country doctor wanted to go hunting but couldn't afford to close down his clinic for a day, so he asked his assistant to cover for him. When the doctor returned, he asked Jim how it went. Jim said, "Well, Doc, I only had three patients. The first one had a headache so I gave him Tylenol." "Excellent, that's exactly right. How about the second?" "The second one had a stomach ache so I gave him Maalox." "Bravo. Good job. What about the third patient?" "Well, doc, this woman came in, stripped down naked, laid down on the table, spread her legs, and shouted, 'Help! I haven't seen a man in five years!'" "Good god, Jim! What did you do?" asked the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes!"

+
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline El

  • Unofficial Weird News Reporter of the Aspie Elite
  • News Box Slave
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 21926
  • Karma: 2615
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #955 on: June 23, 2007, 07:55:02 AM »
Jurisprudence fetishists get off on technicalities.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

GalileoAce

  • Guest
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #956 on: June 23, 2007, 08:06:27 AM »
Jurisprudence fetishists get off on technicalities.

Heheh

Offline BadgerTom

  • DEPRAVED ASSHAT
  • Elder
  • Dedicated Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 2611
  • Karma: 168
  • Gender: Male
  • NSFW - Not Safe for Woke
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #957 on: June 23, 2007, 08:23:46 AM »

Offline SovaNu

  • astralanes
  • .
  • Almighty Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 19359
  • Karma: 796
  • Gender: Female
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #958 on: June 23, 2007, 01:39:57 PM »
INDEED.

"I think everybody has an asshole component to their personality. It's just a matter of how much you indulge it. Those who do it often form a habit. So like any addiction, you have to learn to overcome it."
~Lord Phlexor

"Sometimes stepping on one's own dick is a memorable learning experience."
~PPK

"We are all the sum of our tears. Too little and the ground is not fertile and nothing can grow there; too much, the best of us is washed away."
~Gkar

:blonde:

Offline BadgerTom

  • DEPRAVED ASSHAT
  • Elder
  • Dedicated Postwhore
  • *****
  • Posts: 2611
  • Karma: 168
  • Gender: Male
  • NSFW - Not Safe for Woke
Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #959 on: June 23, 2007, 04:26:04 PM »
Hallowed are the Ori...