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Author Topic: make someone laugh  (Read 138934 times)

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The_Chosen_One

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6285 on: July 14, 2011, 10:45:39 AM »
Ricky's postcount average is now 71.571 per day.

I guess typing all those posts with his peter has given him friction burns.

midlifeaspie

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6286 on: July 14, 2011, 10:50:58 AM »
Ricky's postcount average is now 71.571 per day.

I guess typing all those posts with his peter has given him friction burns.

He is posting just as fast over at WP the last 5 days as well.

Offline Calavera

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6287 on: July 14, 2011, 08:51:58 PM »
He sure does have an interesting Internet life.

eris

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6288 on: July 15, 2011, 12:17:56 AM »
I found this while trying to dl porn.  :M

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6289 on: July 15, 2011, 03:38:24 PM »
The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank.

There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."

A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6290 on: July 15, 2011, 07:40:41 PM »
I had a flat tire on the 401 yesterday; so, I pulled over, got out of the car and opened my trunk.  I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.  They look so lifelike you wouldn't believe it!  Just as I had hoped, cars started slowing down looking at the men which made it much safer for me to work on the side of the road!  People honked and waved, and it wasn't long before a police car pulled up behind me.

He wanted to know what the heck I was doing so I calmly explained that I was changing my flat. He told me he could see that, but demanded to know what the heck my cardboard men were doing standing at the rear of my car.  I couldn't believe he didn't know.... SO I told him....

Well DUH.... I explained to the angry Policeman....

They're my Emergency Flashers!!!!



I go to court in DECEMBER.

(Damn Police. No sense of humor.)
 

A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

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Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6291 on: July 15, 2011, 07:51:25 PM »
An oldie, but still good.

There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night. Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third one comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. The other two cops ask him, "Why are you so happy?" He tells them, "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I had my service revolver cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time." The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face and tells the other veteran, "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great." The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, pissed as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says, "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! The bitch almost bit off my fucking dick and she shit in my face!*!*!"
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline skyblue1

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6292 on: July 15, 2011, 08:02:47 PM »
An oldie, but still good.

There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night. Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third one comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. The other two cops ask him, "Why are you so happy?" He tells them, "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I had my service revolver cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time." The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face and tells the other veteran, "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great." The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, pissed as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says, "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! The bitch almost bit off my fucking dick and she shit in my face!*!*!"
ROFLMFAO

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6293 on: July 15, 2011, 08:07:12 PM »
A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing." He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road over an embankment and wrapped the car around a tree. His girlfriend was thrown clear but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. "Go up to the road and get help," he said. "But I haven't anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a police car. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, the officer pulled over to hear her story. "My boyfriend my boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!" The officer, looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6294 on: July 16, 2011, 03:47:58 AM »
An oldie, but still good.

There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night. Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third one comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. The other two cops ask him, "Why are you so happy?" He tells them, "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I had my service revolver cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time." The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face and tells the other veteran, "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great." The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, pissed as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says, "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! The bitch almost bit off my fucking dick and she shit in my face!*!*!"

:rofl: :plus:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Osensitive1

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6295 on: July 16, 2011, 03:18:13 PM »
:laff: Naughty queen!

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6296 on: July 16, 2011, 04:05:42 PM »
:laff: Naughty queen!

If only you knew how naughty!
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6297 on: July 16, 2011, 08:36:37 PM »
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6298 on: July 16, 2011, 08:50:51 PM »
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday. Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this... (draws two circles on a piece of paper, one big circle and one small circle) and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy) "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv:

Offline Queen Victoria

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #6299 on: July 16, 2011, 09:05:11 PM »
A NY State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the little old lady driver. "Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"? The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
A good monarch is a treasure. A good politician is an oxymoron.

My brain is both uninhibited and uninhabited.

:qv: