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Author Topic: make someone laugh  (Read 139843 times)

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Offline Parts

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3330 on: November 20, 2008, 05:25:35 PM »
"Let's get ready to rumble"
"Eat it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do or do without." 

'People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.'
George Bernard Shaw

Offline Lucifer

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3331 on: November 20, 2008, 05:34:10 PM »
Light bulb Jokes

another one to add to your collection, renaeden:

how many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?

.

.

.

.

.

.

into what?

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3332 on: November 21, 2008, 11:28:17 AM »
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline RageBeoulve

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3333 on: November 21, 2008, 11:41:28 AM »
"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"

Offline enronh

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3334 on: November 21, 2008, 04:59:24 PM »

A man checks into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought

of one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

He popped into a phone booth near the hotel and found an ad for a girl

calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.

She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy

hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her..... you know the kind.
 

He copied down the phone number and returned to his hotel. When back in the

room he figures, what the hell, give her a call.

 

'Hello?' the woman says. God, she sounded sexy

 

'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and

give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone

and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it

now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it.


Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot

and heavy all night; Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup

and whipped cream, anything you want baby.
Now, how does that sound?'
 

She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press '9'

Offline Callaway

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3335 on: November 22, 2008, 05:13:21 AM »

...She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press '9'

:LMAO:

 :plus:

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3336 on: November 22, 2008, 11:00:27 AM »


Ummmm. I don't get it.  :autism:
Well, it sounds like the experimental design was as follows:

H1: Lesbian
H0:  Not lesbian

Dependent variable:  Sexual pleasure
Independent variable:  Gender of sexual partner, with at least three levels (female, male [control A], male [control B])

If the DV was higher with the female sexual partners* I would assume that could potentially cause the experimenter to reject the null.  However, as she is currently with a male sexual partner, it seems likely that the DV was not higher with female sexual partners, and she did not reject the null.  Nor did she reject much of anything else.

*in typical xkcd style the mouseover on the comic web site informs us that this experiment used a large n
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline RageBeoulve

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3337 on: November 22, 2008, 11:18:04 AM »
OHHH! I actually loled. :laugh:
"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"

Offline Alex179

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:P   Internets are super serious.

Offline Alex179

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:P   Internets are super serious.

Offline Leto729

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Offline enronh

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3341 on: November 23, 2008, 04:33:21 AM »
Buying A Bull

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde."

"She'll read it very slow."
« Last Edit: November 23, 2008, 04:35:07 AM by Mike P. »

Offline enronh

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3342 on: November 23, 2008, 05:16:38 PM »
 When E-mail Responses Go Bad

In an article posted on Friday, the BBC explained that in Wales, all official road signs must be bilingual -- both in English and Welsh. Typically, the English wording for a sign is sent via e-mail to a Welsh council for translation. In this case a sign that read (in English) "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only." The Welsh council sent a reply, in Welsh. The problem was it was a reply meant for the author of the original email, not for the sign.


The Welsh reads: "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated."

Frolic_Fun

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3343 on: November 23, 2008, 05:41:24 PM »
From another forum, fuck knows who the guy is:


The most embarrassing moment of my life

Well, I was sitting at my comp knocking one out over a mildly erotic picture of a celebrity who shall remain nameless, raging stonker in hand, picture on monitor. In those days my comp was at the back of my room, so that the screen was facing anyone who came in. Well, there I was, rapidly approaching the golden moment, my ears on high alert as I listened out for my ma, who was downstairs doing something or other in the kitchen. I thought all was safe and my ma was busy washing the pots or something so I let myself go past the point of no return and felt the creamy goodness rising from my love-nuggets. I’d heard the phone ring a few moments before and just as I was about to start spurting I heard some footsteps coming up the stairs. By then it was too late for my to stop the orgasm so I just had to go with it.

My room is a little box room extension and you have to walk through another room to get to mine. So, I hear the door of the next room open and the footsteps getting closer. I’m still there, cock in hand, and by then I was shooting the good stuff all over the place. Just my luck that I had to have been building up a mammoth load as well, rather than a weedy little drip or two. Everyone with a cock knows that once it starts, there’s no way you’re gonna stop it, and you’re basically paralysed until it’s over, so I could hardly do anything to hide what was happening. For some reason my priority at the time was to minimise the photo on the screen, a complete school boy error, since it gave my old man an extra couple of seconds to cover me in jism before I eventually stuffed him away. Really bad decision, but I didn’t know what the fuck to do cos I was panicking so much.

 I was in a right fucking state by the time my bedroom door opened and my mum stood at the door telling me my bro wanted to speak to me on the phone, I couldn’t have made more of a mess of myself if I’d tried. My shorts and t- shirt were fucking covered in the stuff.

Anyhoo, she came and stood next to me and passed me the phone and stood there listening to the conversation. It was only when I took the phone from her that I realised I had fat, creamy strings of jizz all over my fingers and hand as well. Apparently she hadn’t noticed any of it cos she stood there for a good while longer listening to the conversation. All the time I just wanted to cry I was so mortified. Anyhoo, she eventually must have noticed the jizz all over me (I was wearing a red t shirt as well, so it stood out like a beaut), and she looked at my clothes with a disapproving, half-disgusted look on her face. Then she took the phone off me and walked out (I hope I hadn’t left any jizz on it). I think I did actually shed a few tears afterwards as well, cos I was so fucking embarrassed.

And that’s my far too long story. Thankyou please.

Offline RageBeoulve

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #3344 on: November 24, 2008, 08:26:35 AM »
Dude failed miserably.
"I’m fearless in my heart.
They will always see that in my eyes.
I am the passion; I am the warfare.
I will never stop...
always constant, accurate, and intense."

  - Steve Vai, "The Audience is Listening"