OK here is my "break the ice" joke at parties (or other social situations where I feel uncomfortable)
There is an ugly bloke and he goes to his local boozer and greets the barman.
The barman sees this fella and notices he has a smile from ear to ear.
He says "Bloody Hell mate. I have never seen you this happy. What is the story?"
The ugly bloke says "Mate last night I had the best sex of my life."
The barman pours him a middy "on the house" and says "Mate have one of these and whilst there is no one around, tell me all about it you lucky bastard"
The drunk guy takes a sip and says" It was like one of those olden day movies. I was walking home from here last night and I see this girl tied to the railway tracks. I do the gentlemanly thing and untie her and carry her back to my place. I don't get ladies at my house and I was a bit shy. She wasn't saying anything either. I eventually started caressing her and she did not object. I tell you what it was the best night. She was up for anything. All night, every concievable position, no complaints......and the best thing is she is waiting at home for me now."
The barman shook his head in disbelieve and admiration for his fugly friend and poured another free beer.
So said the barman curiously "What does the lucky lady look like?
The ugly bloke with has another sip, frowns, scratches his head and with a bewildered expression says "Dunno mate? Never actually found the head"
