make someone laugh

[DirtDawg]

BE ALERT!

We need more lerts.

[El]

BE ALERT!

We need more lerts.

I think that the fact that I laughed as hard at that as I did shows that I need to start sleeping more.

Eventually.

[GalileoAce]

Sleep is for the tired!

[GalileoAce]

Ah Aussie Humor

Australian Tourism: questions answered

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism website. Obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies.....just trying to help:

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?
    (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
    A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.(USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[ozymandias]

 

[Natalia Evans]

[GalileoAce]

Sorry but I didn't find that in the least bit funny.

[Natalia Evans]

I saw it on WP and thought I post it here. Sorry. I gave it a 5 in the youtube game because of animal cruelity.

[GalileoAce]

It was on TV here a few years back, my Dad found it amusing, though I did not. My empathy runs more toward animals and less toward humans. So if it were a human having their head depacitated in the sunroof of an Evil Ka, I might find it somewhat amusing heh

[ozymandias]

Here is something by Robert E. Howard written during prohibition.  It's a spoof of the poem "Let me live in a house by the side of the road and be a friend of man."

"The bar by the side of the road'

There are liquorless souls that follow paths
    Where whiskey never ran--
Let me live in a bar by the side of the road
     And drink from the old beer can.

Let me live in a bar by the side of the road,
       When the race of men goes dry,
The men who are "drys" and the men who are "wets,"
       (But none are so "wet" as I.)

I see from my bar by the side of the road,
    A land with drouth accurst;
And the men who press on with the ardour of beer,
    And men who are faint with thirst.

I know there are bars in Old Mexico,
    And schooners of glorious height,
That the booze splashes on through the
      long afternoon,
  And floods through the gutters of night.

But still I take gin when the travellers take gin
     And scotch with the whiskey man
Nor ever refuse a thirsty soul
    A swig from my old beer can.

For why should I praise Prohibition's restraints,
   Or love the revenue man?
Let me live in a bar by the side of the road,
    And drink from the old beer can!

[Natalia Evans]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FqbRpB6yVBQ


Looks like the dolphin is humping the guy when he jumps out of the water and he is flapping his body.

[Calandale]

 

Instant boner.

[renaeden]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FqbRpB6yVBQ

SG (and anyone else posting YouTube), would you please post something about the link, not post the link and that's all. Sorry, but I won't have a look if I don't know a bit about it first. I like predictability.

[DirtDawg]

... an email I received from a friend.


THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER!

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on
the radio the other day and you'll love his reply to
the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and
children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws
you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best
comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of
National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a
female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General
Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop
visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what
things are you going to teach these young boys when
they visit your base?


GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them
climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit
irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be
properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is
a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be
teaching them proper rifle discipline before they
even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to
become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped
to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines!

AMERICA , THE HOME OF THE FREE

BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE

[Natalia Evans]