Author Topic: make someone laugh  (Read 139437 times)

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GalileoAce

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1170 on: August 01, 2007, 10:52:29 AM »
heheheh :D

Offline Callaway

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1171 on: August 01, 2007, 11:45:28 AM »

Offline El

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1172 on: August 01, 2007, 05:55:53 PM »
Snopes did debunk the USS enterprise myth BTW- but it's still funny as fuck.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline renaeden

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1173 on: August 02, 2007, 02:53:45 AM »

Couples who shouldn't hyphenate their names:











I am sure whoever has to sort this out wishes they took a sick day instead:

Mildly Cute in a Retarded Way
Tek'ma'tae

Offline Mr Smith

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1174 on: August 02, 2007, 03:32:14 AM »
lmao, traylor hooker

purposefulinsanity

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1175 on: August 03, 2007, 07:00:47 AM »
After reading through some of the worst sex experience ever posts on B3ta, I just had to share this one.   :laugh:

Quote
shagged a guy from work, whom she'd been after for ages. all went well, great sex, lovely guy. in the morning she had the day off and he didn't. but despite him being really sweet and telling her to have a lie in and even bringing her tea and toast in bed, she was desperate for him to leave.

because she was even more desperate to go to the toilet but couldn't bring herself to do it whilst he was there. she lay in stomach cramping agony whilst he had a leisurely shower, shave, cleaned his teeth, sat on the edge of the bed to chat. all the time feeling as if she were about to soil herself and his nice bed.

eventually he left. result! helen dived for the bathroom and released a killer richard the third. but relief was swiftly followed by disaster. so inflated and swollen was this richard (she blamed the delay in releasing it into the wild for its size and stench) that it refused to disappear. shit. shit. literally.

so helen mashed it up with the toilet brush, but it still wouldn't flush. by this point she was beginning to panic. he had said his flatmate, who worked nights, would be home at 10 and it was almost that now. in a frantic hurry, she scooped the whole disgusting mess out of the bowl and wrapped it in toilet roll. she decided to dump it, no pun intended, in the nearest dustbin.

problem solved, she gathered her stuff together, and headed for the door. then thought it would be sweet to leave him a little note. she set everything down, rummaged in her bag, found paper and pen. "you were amazing, see you tomorrow, h xx" she wrote.

then picked up her bag and happily left the flat.

only after she was standing on the street, on the wrong side of two yale locks, did she remember she had left the wrapped up pile of turd mash right next to the note.......
 

Offline odeon

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1176 on: August 03, 2007, 07:40:09 AM »
:LMAO: :plus:
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

- Albert Einstein

Offline SovaNu

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1177 on: August 03, 2007, 09:02:56 AM »
that's so gross :laugh: tsk tsk
"I think everybody has an asshole component to their personality. It's just a matter of how much you indulge it. Those who do it often form a habit. So like any addiction, you have to learn to overcome it."
~Lord Phlexor

"Sometimes stepping on one's own dick is a memorable learning experience."
~PPK

"We are all the sum of our tears. Too little and the ground is not fertile and nothing can grow there; too much, the best of us is washed away."
~Gkar

:blonde:

Thagomizer

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1178 on: August 03, 2007, 06:41:53 PM »
      A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.

His horse has already died of thirst.

He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.

There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie! ... "You know how I work. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this", said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an

IRS genie."

She smiled and said, "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

He said, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

The genie said, "OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare

gold coins and precious gems.

The genie said, "OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.

Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says.. "I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He turned into a tampon.


The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.

Offline Calandale

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1179 on: August 03, 2007, 06:49:44 PM »


I LOVE this.

Offline Callaway

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1180 on: August 03, 2007, 06:51:05 PM »
:LMAO:

 :plus:  Thagomizer

duncvis

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1181 on: August 04, 2007, 04:56:10 AM »

purposefulinsanity

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1182 on: August 04, 2007, 04:56:38 AM »
:LMAO:  Is that from b3ta by any chance?

duncvis

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1183 on: August 04, 2007, 05:01:18 AM »
Indeed it was. :eyebrows:
as was this one:


Offline Lucifer

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Re: make someone laugh
« Reply #1184 on: August 04, 2007, 05:20:10 AM »
:LMAO:  at both!

 :plus: