it does make me slightly uncomfortable, at times, but if that's the way i have to be to get on with life, then no point in fretting about it too much. it's a means to an end
I still feel guilt, but it is a guilt that I can live with since what I have done by "playing along" has usually kept me from various levels of anxieties which are even more difficult to take in stride..
The guilt is because I'm all for short term pragmatism, but I haven't accepted any kind of ultimate necessity of this tactic. (In other words, "I don't want to live in survival mode forever" - though admittedly the jury's still out on that one.) I consider any resulting anxieties my own fault.
"short term pragmatism"? over 46 years? i have to disagree, obviously.
besides, if you do it often enough, it becomes second mature. not automatic, but nearly, although when i'm tired/stressed/emotional/etc. it goes straight out of the window.
everyone plays roles, aspie or not, whether it's office/father/out with mates, teacher/sister/dopehead, and any other combination your care to mention.
i don't consider it survival - i can do that by being a complete spaz - i consider it making things easier, therefore improving the qaulity of my life. of course it takes work, and of course, i'd prefer it if people met me halfway, but
because i'm approachable (can't think of another word, just at the moment, and that's not the definitive word), people
are prepared to listen, and then to meet me at least part of the way.
sad but true, but the simple fact of the matter is that we as aspies have to do the work first, before people are educated about AS, and begin to understand it, and then begin to come to us, rather than the opposite.