Social Niceties et al - WAS: Odeon, provide proof please.

[odeon]

What people call a lack of structure seems just like a different set of unspoken rules to me.

That's pretty much what it feels like to me, too. Or, I can't tell the difference between a truly unstructured environment and one that is full of unspoken rules.

[odeon]

I don't know about anyone else, but my decision to be here is based on me wanting to 'harden the fuck up' when it comes to how a feel about what other think and say about me.

This place has a name and a reputation, so when people make a choice to be here, there is some level of understanding of what they are in for. We are all adults here, per the rules (sure there might be a few who are lying about there age), so to me, that means all bets are off.

We each individually decide to act in a manner that we feel best represents ourselves and we make that choice on our own. If other wish to judge us by that, and they will, so be it.

Wishing others would self moderate is a cowards way of saying "I want rules here and the way people are acting towards one another upsets me".

At the end of the day you have two choices, leave or the ignore button.

Have a nice day. 

That's pretty much what some interpret this site to be about. I sort of agree. But I don't see how a completely voluntary self-moderation is necessarily a bad thing. (By "self", oneself is indicated.)

You can have opinions about others, including their need for moderation, and it's all completely in the spirit of this place, for as long as you don't force them to it.

[Christopher McCandless]

Sorry, I can't. I'm meeting a possible client tomorrow, halfway across *this* country.

What kind of physics?

3 Quantum Questions
2 Phases of Matter (basically watered down Chemo)
2 Waves
1 Optics

Not at all pleasent, got 100 more formulas to learn for it...

I could probably handle those. It's been a while but I still remember some of it.

Wish I could..

How did it go? It was today, right?

It didnt, in short.

[odeon]

Bummer.

[DirtDawg]

What people call a lack of structure seems just like a different set of unspoken rules to me.

That's pretty much what it feels like to me, too. Or, I can't tell the difference between a truly unstructured environment and one that is full of unspoken rules.

I would consider either of those instances as quite similar in difficulty to the literal mind and as near opposites of formality. What I was agreeing with Lucifer about is that formality is "easier"  than some things because it can be quickly learned form a set of books or through immersion in the practices of formality.

In the case of unstructured environments or, worse to me, those with some mysterious rubric of expected and acceptable responses to inferred and/nand/if/or/if not matrices, I actually do fairly well, because one of my natural abilities is mimicking what is around me. Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

... as long as I don't stop to think logically or become too self-conscious, that is. If that happens, you get the "immovable stump" behavior from me.

[Pyraxis]

I don't know about anyone else, but my decision to be here is based on me wanting to 'harden the fuck up' when it comes to how a feel about what other think and say about me.

This place has a name and a reputation, so when people make a choice to be here, there is some level of understanding of what they are in for. We are all adults here, per the rules (sure there might be a few who are lying about there age), so to me, that means all bets are off.

We each individually decide to act in a manner that we feel best represents ourselves and we make that choice on our own. If other wish to judge us by that, and they will, so be it.

Wishing others would self moderate is a cowards way of saying "I want rules here and the way people are acting towards one another upsets me".

At the end of the day you have two choices, leave or the ignore button.

Have a nice day. 

Major   

[Pyraxis]

Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

I'm curious - how many people here actually are opposed to this kind of mimicking behavior on ethical grounds?

I've also considered it for a long time to be a necessary survival tactic, but I do get occasional intense guilt about not being able to live "honestly". Because the inability is all due to my own reactions being too extreme to moderate without heavy-handedness.

[ozymandias]

Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

I'm curious - how many people here actually are opposed to this kind of mimicking behavior on ethical grounds?

I've also considered it for a long time to be a necessary survival tactic, but I do get occasional intense guilt about not being able to live "honestly". Because the inability is all due to my own reactions being too extreme to moderate without heavy-handedness.

I'm on the fence about that.  Because mimicking behavior is how I learned to cope/adapt/survive.  I honestly DON'T feel guilt about it as there was nothing else for me to do in my time and in the area/school system that I was raised in.  Where I feel guilt is in not being able to figure out that "mimicking" was only going to go so far.  So my mimickry did cause me some problems along the way, but, I also learned to adapt and modify.    So it was all a two edged sword in so many ways.   It took me a long time to figure who the "real" me was .

I remember an old Muppet show with Peter Sellers,  Kermit comes on and addresses Peter who's doing something silly and feeling stressed.

KERMIT:  Mr. Sellers, just be yourself!

Peter Sellers:  I can't, I had myself surgically removed.

Tbh, when somebody tells me to just be "myself", thats the line I always use in response!   

[Pyraxis]

That is an awesome line. 

[ozymandias]

That is an awesome line. 

Thank you, I am a connoiseur of any and all good lines that attract my attention!   

[Phlexor]

Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

I'm curious - how many people here actually are opposed to this kind of mimicking behavior on ethical grounds?

I've also considered it for a long time to be a necessary survival tactic, but I do get occasional intense guilt about not being able to live "honestly". Because the inability is all due to my own reactions being too extreme to moderate without heavy-handedness.

I know in school that was grounds for some major hate action on your ass if you were ever found out, but as an asperger adult, I think its a personal thing. If you still need it to survive, then what can you do.

But then again, I think deep down a lot of people do this anyway in some form or another in order to fit into there respective groups, wheather they are aware of it or not.

[DirtDawg]

Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

I'm curious - how many people here actually are opposed to this kind of mimicking behavior on ethical grounds?

I've also considered it for a long time to be a necessary survival tactic, but I do get occasional intense guilt about not being able to live "honestly". Because the inability is all due to my own reactions being too extreme to moderate without heavy-handedness.

I know in school that was grounds for some major hate action on your ass if you were ever found out, but as an asperger adult, I think its a personal thing. If you still need it to survive, then what can you do.

But then again, I think deep down a lot of people do this anyway in some form or another in order to fit into there respective groups, wheather they are aware of it or not.

I have always been aware of it.

[DirtDawg]

Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

I'm curious - how many people here actually are opposed to this kind of mimicking behavior on ethical grounds?

I've also considered it for a long time to be a necessary survival tactic, but I do get occasional intense guilt about not being able to live "honestly". Because the inability is all due to my own reactions being too extreme to moderate without heavy-handedness.

Whose ethical grounds?


The guilt generally makes me look even deeper than before to find the "real"  me.

rock/hardplace thing?

[Lucifer]

Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

I'm curious - how many people here actually are opposed to this kind of mimicking behavior on ethical grounds?

I've also considered it for a long time to be a necessary survival tactic, but I do get occasional intense guilt about not being able to live "honestly". Because the inability is all due to my own reactions being too extreme to moderate without heavy-handedness.

i feel that most of the time, as though i'm "acting".  i've always felt that, and wondered wtf was wrong with me.  now i know i have AS, it all makes sense.  it does make me slightly uncomfortable, at times, but if that's the way i have to be to get on with life, then no point in fretting about it too much.  it's a means to an end , and we capricorns are gooooood at that. 

and it means i've been able to earn a living (at one point) from being an actor/stand up comic, so there's a useful transferable skill, or what? 

no ethical grounds at all, as far as i can see, although i'm interested (as in interested ) in what you mean by that.

[DirtDawg]

Figuring out what to do next is often like reading from a blueprint drawn out with invisible ink, but I can "act" by mimicry of those around me and that talent has helped me through these encounters many times.

(I know that doesn't seem honest, but it's called survival)

I'm curious - how many people here actually are opposed to this kind of mimicking behavior on ethical grounds?

I've also considered it for a long time to be a necessary survival tactic, but I do get occasional intense guilt about not being able to live "honestly". Because the inability is all due to my own reactions being too extreme to moderate without heavy-handedness.

i feel that most of the time, as though i'm "acting".  i've always felt that, and wondered wtf was wrong with me.  now i know i have AS, it all makes sense.  it does make me slightly uncomfortable, at times, but if that's the way i have to be to get on with life, then no point in fretting about it too much.  it's a means to an end , and we capricorns are gooooood at that. 

and it means i've been able to earn a living (at one point) from being an actor/stand up comic, so there's a useful transferable skill, or what? 

no ethical grounds at all, as far as i can see, although i'm interested (as in interested ) in what you mean by that.

Yeah.

I always feel that I have only comprehended about one third of a point Pyraxis has made.

I still feel guilt, but it is a guilt that I can live with since what I have done by "playing along"  has usually kept me from various levels of anxieties which are even more difficult to take in stride..