Sign of getting old?

[ozymandias]

You say consented.....let me ask this question.  Or were you naive or coerced because you didn't expect or know better??  Serious question!

No, I wasn't naive or coerced. I was fighting for independence at a time when I was well old enough (17, about to leave for college) to accept the consequences of my actions.

So would you say you were vulnerable???  Also a serious question!  This sounds eerily familiar to what I felt when I went to college at 17.    Fighting for independence myself and not having a fucking clue as to how to do it or what I was doing.

[Pyraxis]

So would you say you were vulnerable???  Also a serious question!  This sounds eerily familiar to what I felt when I went to college at 17.    Fighting for independence myself and not having a fucking clue as to how to do it or what I was doing.

Yes, but anyone who tries to use that vulnerability as an excuse to deny me my free will can ram it up their ass.

 

[ozymandias]

So would you say you were vulnerable???  Also a serious question!  This sounds eerily familiar to what I felt when I went to college at 17.    Fighting for independence myself and not having a fucking clue as to how to do it or what I was doing.

Yes, but anyone who tries to use that vulnerability as an excuse to deny me my free will can ram it up their ass.

 

Yes, but there are predators out there that can smell "vulnerability" a mile away.  In all seriousness, I'm glad for my being male, I wouldn't be such a target as a vulnerable woman would be.  Though I did have a few gay men think that they could "target' me.  Something they learned to great cost. 

And I would certainly be willing to assist in ramming something up their asses, like a red hot poker or a syringe filled with Sulphuric Acid! 

[Pyraxis]

Yes, but there are predators out there that can smell "vulnerability" a mile away.  In all seriousness, I'm glad for my being male, I wouldn't be such a target as a vulnerable woman would be.  Though I did have a few gay men think that they could "target' me.  Something they learned to great cost. 

And I would certainly be willing to assist in ramming something up their asses, like a red hot poker or a syringe filled with Sulphuric Acid! 

I was scoped out by a few predators - the first when I was 13 and the last when I was 21 and eliminating the last traces of vulnerability-vibes. But even the first one, I wasn't vulnerable enough to let it progress into anything dangerous.

So, my statement about free will doesn't change.

[Callaway]

The first couple years, though, he did restrict my contact with my friends and family and often humiliated me verbally in front of his friends.

By my definition, that sounds abusive.

How did you consent to abuse?  Did you tell him that it was actually OK for him to humiliate you in front of his friends?

Maybe your dad had a valid point, even though he had no right to try to control your life either.

[DirtDawg]

Yes, but there are predators out there that can smell "vulnerability" a mile away.  In all seriousness, I'm glad for my being male, I wouldn't be such a target as a vulnerable woman would be.  Though I did have a few gay men think that they could "target' me.  Something they learned to great cost. 

And I would certainly be willing to assist in ramming something up their asses, like a red hot poker or a syringe filled with Sulphuric Acid! 

I was scoped out by a few predators - the first when I was 13 and the last when I was 21 and eliminating the last traces of vulnerability-vibes. But even the first one, I wasn't vulnerable enough to let it progress into anything dangerous.

So, my statement about free will doesn't change.

... and it should not.

[ozymandias]

Yes, but there are predators out there that can smell "vulnerability" a mile away.  In all seriousness, I'm glad for my being male, I wouldn't be such a target as a vulnerable woman would be.  Though I did have a few gay men think that they could "target' me.  Something they learned to great cost. 

And I would certainly be willing to assist in ramming something up their asses, like a red hot poker or a syringe filled with Sulphuric Acid! 

I was scoped out by a few predators - the first when I was 13 and the last when I was 21 and eliminating the last traces of vulnerability-vibes. But even the first one, I wasn't vulnerable enough to let it progress into anything dangerous.

So, my statement about free will doesn't change.

... and it should not.

Agreed, my own free will pissed off a few people over the years. 

[DirtDawg]

Yes, but there are predators out there that can smell "vulnerability" a mile away.  In all seriousness, I'm glad for my being male, I wouldn't be such a target as a vulnerable woman would be.  Though I did have a few gay men think that they could "target' me.  Something they learned to great cost. 

And I would certainly be willing to assist in ramming something up their asses, like a red hot poker or a syringe filled with Sulphuric Acid! 

I was scoped out by a few predators - the first when I was 13 and the last when I was 21 and eliminating the last traces of vulnerability-vibes. But even the first one, I wasn't vulnerable enough to let it progress into anything dangerous.

So, my statement about free will doesn't change.

... and it should not.

Agreed, my own free will pissed off a few people over the years. 

I was blessed, lucky or what ever the Hell, to have an extremely supportive inner family, who encouraged my exploration of free will.

The ones I pissed off were of little consequence to me, fortunately.

[Pyraxis]

How did you consent to abuse?  Did you tell him that it was actually OK for him to humiliate you in front of his friends?

We had a lot of heated debates and he liked to weave insults into his debate tactics. I said explicitly more than once that I loved debating with him. When he insulted me offhandedly, outside of debates, at first I fought back, but his verbal skills were far superior to mine. I started fighting back physically for lack of words, wrestling with him - I remember getting applauded by the whole gaming group once for throwing dice at him - but he was also physically stronger than me. He just loved to poke people till they snapped, and I stopped snapping, but he didn't stop poking.

Maybe your dad had a valid point, even though he had no right to try to control your life either.

Are you trying to teach me something here? Because it's not necessary. Look up a few posts - I acknowledged that he had a valid point.

I acknowledged a lot of other things too, which, since this is Intensity, I will lay out for the hard of understanding if necessary.

[Callaway]

Are you trying to teach me something here? Because it's not necessary. Look up a few posts - I acknowledged that he had a valid point.

I acknowledged a lot of other things too, which, since this is Intensity, I will lay out for the hard of understanding if necessary.

Not really, I was just thinking about my niece who was in a similar relationship when she was 17, but fortunately she finally had the good sense to get out of it too.  I was trying to remember how my brother and my sister-in-law handled it when she moved out at 17 while she was still in high school to be closer to this abuser.  And I wondered how someone could consent to abuse unless it was a BDSM scenario or something like that.  I wondered if you considered it tacit consent simply because you tolerated it for five years.

If I were trying to teach you something, it would be to talk to your dad.  I personally think that life's too short to keep holding such a grudge against a parent who was simply looking out for your best interest that you still barely speak after all these years.  However, I know from Ozymandias and Sir Les that some parents are just too toxic to maintain relationships with and preserve your own mental health.  Since I have no way of knowing whether your father falls into this category for you, I would not presume to try to teach you anything.

[Pyraxis]

I'm working on it. If I went back to talk to him now, though, I'd be doing it with contempt - like telling myself how much better than him I was for various reasons, and then trying to teach him something. Which obviously wouldn't work. Teaching via contempt is not a good idea.

So I figure, until I can genuinely think of him as an equal, I shouldn't make an unnecessary mess by trying to go back too soon.