How are you feeling right now?

[Parts]

 Most new homes have central AC older ones portable ones.   We only have one portable unit and fans.  When I went to school in Florida we would refuse to use classrooms without AC and we had it at home but never used it ourselves.

[DirtDawg]

Kind of strange.

I just received an email from a my boss (My immediate supervisor - I actually have many, many bosses).

He was making light of the picture that someone took of he and I having an interaction.  One of the "(girlie) Operations people" has begun to create a scrapbook of our local workers, doing their jobs. he sent me a copy of the pic and it was supposed to be about him "coaching me,"  FFS.   OK, he is thirty and it is quite obvious to anyone who has seen us work together, I AM THE ONE DOING THE TEACHING.

He was trying to make light of this pic and saying it looked like I was ready to deck his ass and he knew that it happened when we were discussing how to "attack"  the problem we have with CDs being out of order. It was a non-issue and yet it looked like I was about to put down an enemy in the pic.  He has often upheld the fact that I am indeed an intense person to be around and he compliments the fact that I have incredible passion about things that most people do not even care about, but the pic is kind of embarrassing to me.

Really!!  I am a little embarrassed to see me being my best and most forceful self over something so mundane as alphabetising CDs.
 


He was quite jocular in his mailing, but I just feel exposed.  I had no idea I was being photographed.


This lack of knowledge of being photographed reflects a kind of "failure"  on my part. That is why I feeel so exposed.

[odeon]

I suspect your boss knows this.

[DirtDawg]

I suspect your boss knows this.

.....     and so he only sent me email to make me feel bad?


I suppose that is possible, but I really think he was trying to get to know me better and sharing something he thought was funny.


I could be wrong, in either case, but only time will reveal his motivation to contact ME, afterhours, for any reason.


I will not respond to the email, nor the texts he has sent.  I do not want to set up some sense of expectation in him that he can contact me in some "friendly"  manner. We are co-workers.  Nothing more.

[odeon]

No, I don't think he was trying to make you feel bad. He was simply sharing something he thought was funny, just as you said.

[DirtDawg]

No, I don't think he was trying to make you feel bad. He was simply sharing something he thought was funny, just as you said.

I do not think that it is funny at all, though.

As I already stated, it was a bit of a shocker to view.  I am not comfortable with seeing myself portrayed in such a candid way.

Half of my life has been about hiding what I truly am from most people people with whom I am forced to find a way to live.

I am not sure that he has an inkling of what this picture actually depicts, though. That hopeful wish brings not a single amount of solace, however.

['andersom']

No, I don't think he was trying to make you feel bad. He was simply sharing something he thought was funny, just as you said.

I do not think that it is funny at all, though.

As I already stated, it was a bit of a shocker to view.  I am not comfortable with seeing myself portrayed in such a candid way.

Half of my life has been about hiding what I truly am from most people people with whom I am forced to find a way to live.

I am not sure that he has an inkling of what this picture actually depicts, though. That hopeful wish brings not a single amount of solace, however.

I've been hiding for over 40 years, when a long time friend/acquaintance told me he had not experienced people as weird as me or my ex. This was a man who lived the band playing student life in Amsterdam for a long time. I tried to fit in in village life, and thought I was succeeding.

Maybe for your boss, the picture shows what he is seeing in you all the time. Maybe you show more than you would want, for people with an observant eye. And I agree with Odeon that chances are there that he just wanted to share it with you, because it shows nothing he did not see before to him.

And yes, I was shocked when this friend told me how he saw me. He did not mean anything bad with it. It was just an observation he had made.

But you are right, only time will tell you for sure if that is so.

[Eclair]

These kinds of comments make me feel a bit pissed off.

[SBI_Patience]

Quite pissed off but I'm okay.

[skyblue1]

ready to start the day

[DirtDawg]

These kinds of comments make me feel a bit pissed off.

Help me to understand you, please.


Are you saying that my hiding for half of my life pisses you off (I recognised early on that I was quite different from other folk - had no clue as to why or how or even if it was permanent -  and began to STOP expressing my inner thoughts to others, preteen, because my thoughts seemed almost insane to the people I knew - you just eventually learn to NOT tell people that the way you found their lost keys in the tall grass after dark was that you could still hear them and so it was easy to find their keys for them - people begin to reject you even more than before if you admit to this kind of shit. I HAD to make less of what I sensed just to not alienate everyone who acknowledged my intelligence.)


Why does this piss you off?



  .....  or that the ones who are making an attempt to respond to my concern are pissing you off.


  .....   or is it simply that you are not even entering this conversation and you could elaborate some and create a entirely separate context of your own?

(The understanding of how the many ways my "internal intensity"  is manifest in my outward, bodily animation puts most people off, was to come much later in my life.  Being photographed so candidly, without my knowing, made me feel that I have lost some degree of my ability to simply  "Lie Low"  and stay off peoples' radar ...  or is it their  "retardar"  that I am trying to fly under?)

['andersom']

These kinds of comments make me feel a bit pissed off.

Help me to understand you, please.


Are you saying that my hiding for half of my life pisses you off (I recognised early on that I was quite different from other folk - had no clue as to why or how or even if it was permanent -  and began to STOP expressing my inner thoughts to others, preteen, because my thoughts seemed almost insane to the people I knew - you just eventually learn to NOT tell people that the way you found their lost keys in the tall grass after dark was that you could still hear them and so it was easy to find their keys for them - people begin to reject you even more than before if you admit to this kind of shit. I HAD to make less of what I sensed just to not alienate everyone who acknowledged my intelligence.)


Why does this piss you off?



  .....  or that the ones who are making an attempt to respond to my concern are pissing you off.


  .....   or is it simply that you are not even entering this conversation and you could elaborate some and create a entirely separate context of your own?

(The understanding of how the many ways my "internal intensity"  is manifest in my outward, bodily animation puts most people off, was to come much later in my life.  Being photographed so candidly, without my knowing, made me feel that I have lost some degree of my ability to simply  "Lie Low"  and stay off peoples' radar ...  or is it their  "retardar"  that I am trying to fly under?)

Love your finding keys in the tall grass.

Having picked glasses out of the breaking waves in the sea, with only one attempt, and finding contact lenses in the street at a 50 meter distance, I do somewhat relate.

[SBI_Patience]

Just about made it to my 300th post.

["couldbecousin"]

Just about made it to my 300th post.

You did it! And the crowd roars! 

[DirtDawg]

These kinds of comments make me feel a bit pissed off.

Help me to understand you, please.


Are you saying that my hiding for half of my life pisses you off (I recognised early on that I was quite different from other folk - had no clue as to why or how or even if it was permanent -  and began to STOP expressing my inner thoughts to others, preteen, because my thoughts seemed almost insane to the people I knew - you just eventually learn to NOT tell people that the way you found their lost keys in the tall grass after dark was that you could still hear them and so it was easy to find their keys for them - people begin to reject you even more than before if you admit to this kind of shit. I HAD to make less of what I sensed just to not alienate everyone who acknowledged my intelligence.)


Why does this piss you off?



  .....  or that the ones who are making an attempt to respond to my concern are pissing you off.


  .....   or is it simply that you are not even entering this conversation and you could elaborate some and create a entirely separate context of your own?

(The understanding of how the many ways my "internal intensity"  is manifest in my outward, bodily animation puts most people off, was to come much later in my life.  Being photographed so candidly, without my knowing, made me feel that I have lost some degree of my ability to simply  "Lie Low"  and stay off peoples' radar ...  or is it their  "retardar"  that I am trying to fly under?)

Love your finding keys in the tall grass.

Having picked glasses out of the breaking waves in the sea, with only one attempt, and finding contact lenses in the street at a 50 meter distance, I do somewhat relate.

Thank you.