Afraid and scared.
I really only have one friend; my brother - my younger brother. No one else is as close to me or can ever be as close. He is going to have a very serious medical procedure (open heart surgery) done tomorrow before sun up. I am afraid for him and I am afraid that my own worthless ass will be left alone if something goes wrong.
This is a bunch of mixed up shit to think about.
True enough ...
... I can't find a way to make this NOT about me. I hate being me!!
NONE OF THIS IS ABOUT ME!!
.. why can't I know that!