I had a melt down tonight.
People probably thought I was weird as I was sobbing in public on the way home from work. Then hopefully the neighbours didn't think someone was being tortured for the following hour.
They would probably be right to think you're weird.
But I hope you are feeling better. The new avatar is pretty.
I am feeling ambivalent, my cousin had a heart attack last Wednesday and had to have stints put into the arteries that feed her heart. I found out about it Thuirsday and because of her being in ICU and such I couldn't see her until yesterday, she has been diabetic since she was 9 so that complicates things further. This weekend I was feeling sad and it took a while because of alexithymia for me to figure out it was because of my cousin. Logically I should feel good because she should be all right, but she used to look after me when I was younger and then we did not see each other for 20+ years until last September when she was heading to Cyprus to teach at American University. I guess I was feeling low at the possibility of losing her after reestablishing contact after so long.
The other thing I am ambivalent about is going to the Aspie meeting at the M.I.N.D. Institute last night, I want to be around my own kind more often but some of those youngsters in their early twenties are so much less functional than I was at their age that all I can think is "How the fuck is that kid ever going to get by?". That is not me getting a better than attitude either, I remember having jobs below my skill level and general social retardness and a couple of these kids don't have that going for them. Having an Island of misfit toys to keep them busy and others out of their hair would be nice if we lived in fucking fantasy land. Telling them how to deck a motherfucker seems to fall on deaf ears, I don't know why it made sense to me when I was young.
