Ask Pyraxis anything

[Pyraxis]

 

[McGiver]

i am sorry, but you begged that response.

in all honesty, i really don't care one way or another.  pete was right, though.  i may have gotten a chubby.  or, i may have gotten sick.
i guess that, i'll never know.

[Pyraxis]

i am sorry, but you begged that response.

LOL. I know. You don't have to apologize. I was just giving my honest opinion on the matter without bothering to think of how anyone would respond to it.

[McGiver]

honesty is an afront.

[Pyraxis]

Huh? Do you feel affronted?

[McGiver]

Huh? Do you feel affronted?

by your true feelings!

[duncvis]

Huh? Do you feel affronted?

by your true feelings!

Emo.

[Calandale]

Wow - all that time with her, and it never occurred to you to wonder? I would have been curious as hell.

I plead being drunk and insane during most of our time together.
My emotions were always on the edge then - more than usual.
Perhaps the longest period of my life where I was living. Enough to
even pursue acting.

It's hard to say what her motivations were. All I can do is throw guesses out there, because I don't know her well enough to have any real certainty of insight.

Yeah, but you have a lot of psychological insight that I don't
seem to. I just KNOW things, without understanding the why.

You said at one point that one of you and your wife was impressed that the other allowed them to draw blood from them (or something like that). It could be a similar but even more impressive demonstration of devotion.

She very deliberately provoked you into rage and then testified on your behalf. That could be a form of replaying trauma related to Stockholm Syndrome, and a murder trial might be a similar thrill, a step beyond assault.

It might have been linked somehow to suicidal dreams of hers - like she might have fantasized about being killed after a rape herself. Heck, with the fact that identity loss is a common PTSD symptom, it might be some form of replaying her own perceived death.

I think this is a pretty good guess. All of it. Might explain her fascination with
being asphyxiated as well. Almost all of her sexual pleasure was based on either
power games, or violence. She never taunted me for being too caring and loving
though, which I've found to be the case in most who seem at all like her.

I'm always so torn by the feelings that we had. She unleashed things in me
that shouldn't have been touched at all, but they are so powerful, that I miss
them constantly. Throughout my time with my wife, I often wanted that rage
and violence - there was just no way that I could subjugate her to that pain.

[Pyraxis]

Yeah, but you have a lot of psychological insight that I don't
seem to. I just KNOW things, without understanding the why.

I think the degree to which I play mind games and dabble in armchair psychology merits disclaimers nonetheless.

I think this is a pretty good guess. All of it. Might explain her fascination with
being asphyxiated as well. Almost all of her sexual pleasure was based on either
power games, or violence. She never taunted me for being too caring and loving
though, which I've found to be the case in most who seem at all like her.

For me, fascination with asphyxiation is about being pushed past the limits of endurance. For a while it was almost the only thing that worked for masturbating. Even though I safeworded out of it before I passed out, the first time I was choked by someone else, it was enough to show me that barring genuine risk of death (I didn't know if the other person had the medical training to recussitate me if anything went wrong), I had no limits when it came to being forced like that. It had nothing to do with wanting to die - actually I very much do not want to die.

I've been accused of only getting sexual pleasure from power games or violence, but I beg to differ.

I'm always so torn by the feelings that we had. She unleashed things in me
that shouldn't have been touched at all, but they are so powerful, that I miss
them constantly. Throughout my time with my wife, I often wanted that rage
and violence - there was just no way that I could subjugate her to that pain.

Did she want that pain?

I don't believe in hidden violence that should never be touched. If you've got something like that in you, it strikes me as such a waste of festering energy that should somehow be channelled for (good/use/effectiveness/whatever-your-value-code-is).

[Calandale]

Did she want that pain?

I don't believe in hidden violence that should never be touched. If you've got something like that in you, it strikes me as such a waste of festering energy that should somehow be channelled for (good/use/effectiveness/whatever-your-value-code-is).

My wife? I doubt it highly. She was very sensitive to anything
hurtful that I might say. When I hinted at such things, she
seemed unwilling to force me to reveal what I wanted
(but that was almost always the case). I never really told
her, until the letter which caused her to end things. There
were a lot of other things in that letter though - so I don't
know for certain that this was just absolutely unacceptable;
I suspect that there was a time in our lives, where she would
have tried - but I hated to see her troubled.

As to the hidden violence, I tapped it regularly. That's not
what I mean by leaving it untouched. Letting something that
powerful out all at once was a recipe for disaster. I let it out
now in my dancing; then in other ways. But for someone to
direct it all against themself was just foolhardy.

[Calandale]

So, how did YOU manage to get banned from WP?

[Pyraxis]

So, how did YOU manage to get banned from WP?

I wasn't actually banned. I took off after deciding that Alex was too much of a hindrance to my plans, and that I would have had to compromise myself too badly in order to get real, financial/developer control of the site. Without that kind of leverage, dealing with Alex was an exercise in futility.

[Calandale]

Hmmm. I saw you listed on the banned list.
So, I guess he just did it in a fit of pique?

[Pyraxis]

Huh. I guess you're right. No clue what his rationale was; I haven't been back there for at least a few months. Probably he's lurking here and read some questionable comment of mine. I quit being careful, politically, because I really don't give a fuck anymore.

[Calandale]

I know that fatty had a complaint about some PM's being examined.
Perhaps that's it?