Since Callaway has chosen to attack me,
in regards to my likely NPD, I think it
behooves me to put forth the DSM
criteria, along with why I think I qualify.
It's a much less ugly picture than the
one which she paints. Of course, that
is to be expected, since she seems to
believe in fighting with any available weapon,
whether 'tis an honorable choice or not.
From:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder#DSM_CriteriaDSM Criteria
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:[1]
So, the trick is finding five of these
which I fit. Starts out easy enough.
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
Hell yes. What is there, besides me, that I
am even close to as certain of? Anyone without,
strikes me as deluded.
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brillance, beauty, or ideal love
Again, yes. These are the very things that can
barely make living worthwhile.
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique
I am. Not a matter of mere belief. IF I exist,
obviously I'm special. Again, those who don't
answer positive for this are not reasonable.
4. requires excessive admiration
Yes. Not much to say here. I have terribly low
self esteem, and can really do require this.
Ok. That's four for four. Pretty good eh?
But, now it gets trickier. None of these
are as clear, but I do believe I fit into one,
though 'tis not positive.
5. has a sense of entitlement
Well, who doesn't? If your life is cut short, doesn't
that feel unfair? Isn't this merely a matter of seeking
fairness and justice? I think I come close - but it's shaky.
6. is interpersonally exploitative
Not particularly. Indeed, my code of honor makes
it pretty damned hard. My situation with my wife
really underlines this - where I was hurting both of
us (I didn't realize her though), in order to help
make a better future. I SHOULD have taken what
I wanted, as I found 'twas what she wanted. I'm
learning.
7. lacks empathy
Obviously not. I couldn't have acted without empathy.
I would walk through GCS and be brought to tears by
the misery. Indeed, I think I have TOO MUCH empathy.
I feel others' pain, and am wracked by it. Tried to seal
this off, at one point. It was very liberating to allow it
back.
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
Runs close to the entitlement issue. Again, I'm in a gray area here.
Because, my sense of fairness comes into play. But, now that it
looks like I'm going to be rewarded far too well for my own talents,
I rather feel that it's unfair to
others. So, this is really a tough sell.
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
But look what we find, hiding at the end.
Not as strongly as the first four, but yeah. Even
when entirely undeserved, I act this way.
But you see, this isn't the picture of some user of
others. It's that of someone who retreats into
fantasy worlds, and dreams of better lives for
himself. It's not that of someone who is tearing
others down, but of someone who is never good
enough, to meet his own demands. Never good
enough to earn the praise that he desires.
The little rushes, like the dancing, or the acting,
or being a hell of a good coder, or being one
of the better mathematical minds in my department,
NONE of this was enough. Indeed, I can't imagine
what could be enough. Even my fantasies fall short.
Even godhood does.
This is only posted here, because I was prevented elsewhere,
for whatever reason.
