yeah i didn't think you were trying to say i was to blame or anything (i've had enough of that crap already), i just react pretty angrily to all this stuff.
at first after she died it wasn't like this at all. i even said (dunno if i posted it on a forum or whether it was just PMs), that i was prepared to forget all the stupid little arguments i'd had with people. and i did. i'm on good terms now wit several people i was mad at or who were mad at me before. all this happened after he started saying shit about me that got me really angry.
i was fucked up at the time. not eating, going all day without drinking or going to the toilet or even getting out of bed. at the time, i wouldn't have been surprised if i'd collapsed and ended up in hospital. so when i read what he'd said about me and sophie, and found out something he apparently said about her while she was still here, i reacted badly. i completely lost it and went crazy. for the most part, ive calmed down a lot now. but what i mean is, initially, i was ok alex/kbabz etc. i wont pretend i liked them, but i wasnt posting about them or anything, it was only after what they said, which i will admit hurt me a lot.
it's hard to explain, but ive been in a weird situation. my best friend (only real friend really), had just died, and i was told that someone who wasn't even close to her was saying it was my fault, and i was shown PMs he'd sent people in which he claimed i was never her friend, just making her flame wp, and that i changed her from the sweet person she 'used to be.' i think most people would get angry at that. it was mostly a way of cpoping with all the crap i was feelng probably, going through extremes of crying hysterically and then getting angry and posting about alex all the time.
its difficult to forget things like that when it centres around your whole world. sophie was everything to me and for people like that to be saying and doing what they did, it might not seem like much to some people, but to me it was like being tortured, worse than that.
and its hard to let that go, although i am aware i piss people off talking about it all the time, so ive been trying (and failing) not to