Here you go:
Over 35 year old peri-menopausal woman suffering from sporatic episodes of "possible" tourettes seeks love-hate relationship with suitable male. Severe PMS mood swings on occasion, addicted to chocolate, cheesecake, and wine. In need of anger management classes, and anti-social. Sorry, weekends with the "thighmaster" haven't seen any noticeable results, "as is". Comes complete with one son well versed in the art of "lego" warfare.
Inquire at your own risk.
:lol: