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Offline maldoror

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Help
« on: October 24, 2007, 06:57:37 PM »
Tomorrow I have my first date in like a year, but I'm not sure just how far into "date" territory it is, in other words, I don't know whether it's appropriate for me to pay. It was more or less a casual invitation to have lunch together, so I don't think so, but I wouldn't want her to expect otherwise and immediate come off as a cheap-ass, which I am. Help me out?
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duncvis

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Re: Help
« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2007, 07:04:39 PM »
If its casual and neither of you have much money, its reasonable to expect you're splitting the check. I'm not a great person to ask having never had more than the most casual of relationships (I'm a 31 year old kid. meh) - me and PI when we were first going out basically pooled our 'playing out' cash like mates anyway, and previous girlfriends just assumed I was skint and would chip in what I'd got. :laugh:
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ozymandias

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Re: Help
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2007, 07:32:09 PM »
Just ask/be honest about what your thinking!  If she's genuinely interested in you, she'll be flattered and appreciate your honesty.  If you can swing the tab on your own, then do that as well.  Either way, speak up and ask whats expected.  There are women out there who appreciate a clear cut understanding of whats expected as much as we males do.  What Dunc suggested is good.
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richard

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Re: Help
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2007, 10:59:12 AM »
dude take her to the golden arches.  :laugh:

obviously im joking, i'd rent a couple godzilla movies and a sixpack off beer and stay in for the nite watching movies.
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Offline Alex179

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Re: Help
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2007, 11:56:58 AM »
If you unsure then it is often safe to at least ask if you can pay (if you can afford it).   Being friends usually at first, I almost always have split checks with women I hang out with the first few times at least.    It isn't like I haven't bought my guy friends lunch when they were out a job or something haha.   Depends on where you stand with her of course, friend or otherwise.
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Offline Calandale

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Re: Help
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2007, 11:59:15 AM »
Quote from: ozymandias on October 24, 2007, 07:32:09 PM
Just ask/be honest about what your thinking! 

I disagree. This sounds casual, and you want to keep
it that way, for fear of scaring her off. Being that direct
forces her to decide too soon. Sounds like the kind of
thing that I tend towards. Split the bill, UNLESS she
seems hard up - then 'tis simple kindness to offer to
pay.
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Kosmonaut

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Re: Help
« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2007, 12:03:39 PM »
No way would i pay. I wouldnt even consider it.
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Offline Calandale

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Re: Help
« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2007, 12:08:18 PM »
I've paid a couple of times. But, only
the same as I would for anyone. Anything
else would feel wrong.
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purposefulinsanity

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Re: Help
« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2007, 12:48:17 PM »
Since its a first date, was planned casually (from the sound of it) and is only a lunch date, if it were me I'd be fully expecting to (and happy to) pay my share.
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Offline Pyraxis

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Re: Help
« Reply #9 on: October 25, 2007, 01:00:39 PM »
Quote from: Mangled_Corpse on October 25, 2007, 11:56:58 AM
If you unsure then it is often safe to at least ask if you can pay (if you can afford it).   Being friends usually at first, I almost always have split checks with women I hang out with the first few times at least.    It isn't like I haven't bought my guy friends lunch when they were out a job or something haha.

Agreed. Offering will likely be seen as nice/polite, whether or not she lets you pay. By offering, you give her the option to do whatever she's comfortable with.
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Offline enronh

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Re: Help
« Reply #10 on: October 25, 2007, 01:14:48 PM »
Quote from: mald on October 24, 2007, 06:57:37 PM
Tomorrow I have my first date in like a year, but I'm not sure just how far into "date" territory it is, in other words, I don't know whether it's appropriate for me to pay. It was more or less a casual invitation to have lunch together, so I don't think so, but I wouldn't want her to expect otherwise and immediate come off as a cheap-ass, which I am. Help me out?

On the other hand if you think it will go somewhere, you should pay. By doing this your taking control, taking responsibilty for the date rather than expecting her to. And thats what women want. Its only lunch so its not gonna cost too much.
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Offline maldoror

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Re: Help
« Reply #11 on: October 25, 2007, 04:24:31 PM »
Well, turns out social anxiety took care of my appetite and we just went for coffee. I didn't pay for her. But the coffee didn't do well for my anxiety, and also I didn't sleep last night so I have the whole depression and anxiety double team thing going on - it's times like this I'm glad for this site. But, I think it went pretty well.
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duncvis

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Re: Help
« Reply #12 on: October 25, 2007, 04:26:25 PM »
:thumbup:
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ozymandias

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Re: Help
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2007, 04:58:17 PM »
Quote from: mald on October 25, 2007, 04:24:31 PM
Well, turns out social anxiety took care of my appetite and we just went for coffee. I didn't pay for her. But the coffee didn't do well for my anxiety, and also I didn't sleep last night so I have the whole depression and anxiety double team thing going on - it's times like this I'm glad for this site. But, I think it went pretty well.

Keep us posted as to what happens..........good luck! 8)
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Offline Callaway

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Re: Help
« Reply #14 on: October 25, 2007, 08:08:00 PM »
Quote from: mald on October 25, 2007, 04:24:31 PM
Well, turns out social anxiety took care of my appetite and we just went for coffee. I didn't pay for her. But the coffee didn't do well for my anxiety, and also I didn't sleep last night so I have the whole depression and anxiety double team thing going on - it's times like this I'm glad for this site. But, I think it went pretty well.

I'm glad that it went well, mald.

Does coffee always affect you like this?
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