Post what you're thinking right now.

[odeon]

SKYPE, Skype, Skype, Skype,
SKYPE, Skype, Skype, Skype,
SKYPE, Skype, Skype, Skype...

One-track mind much?

yep.

i should've put "hint, hint", cos that worked for dunc. 

Sorry, no Skype cos the mic sound is gone.

Edit: But if you want more signature space, that can be arranged.

sort out your bloody mic, then! 

this emailing is doing my head in... 

I'm thinking it's my sound card, considering all the weirdness. Might have been damaged when I moved it to the new pooter.

[Lucifer]

see?  you brute, you're so vivious to your poor pooter.   

[odeon]

see?  you brute, you're so vivious to your poor pooter.   

Freudian slip, right?

[Lucifer]

see?  you brute, you're so vivious to your poor pooter.   

Freudian slip, right?

no, just a typo. 

[Pyraxis]

It's been two years; that's my cue to turn my life upside down and start a new one, and I fucking can't.

[ozymandias]

It's been two years; that's my cue to turn my life upside down and start a new one, and I fucking can't.

Why, I seriously want to know.  Is your life better now or worse or are you playing a card because of whatever is brewing in your psyche??

[Pyraxis]

I just like to move a lot and recreate my environment. If I stay too long in one place I get frustrated and restless. And this is the second move in a row where I've had to come back to a place I've already been. First to Dallas for the second time, because I got another gig there. And then MA for the second time. It's easier to change yourself if you place yourself into a new environment (at least I find it so) because nobody knows you, so nobody has preconceived expectations of you. I am antsy to make some changes to my life, because I'm not accomplishing a lot of the things that I wanted to have done by now. But I'm getting the same stupid fear, the one I usually cheat by throwing my environment into flux, but this time I can't get away from it.

I don't want to vanish into mediocrity.

So yeah. It's just about what's brewing in my psyche.

[Tesla]

I just like to move a lot and recreate my environment. If I stay too long in one place I get frustrated and restless. And this is the second move in a row where I've had to come back to a place I've already been. First to Dallas for the second time, because I got another gig there. And then MA for the second time. It's easier to change yourself if you place yourself into a new environment (at least I find it so) because nobody knows you, so nobody has preconceived expectations of you. I am antsy to make some changes to my life, because I'm not accomplishing a lot of the things that I wanted to have done by now. But I'm getting the same stupid fear, the one I usually cheat by throwing my environment into flux, but this time I can't get away from it.

I don't want to vanish into mediocrity.

So yeah. It's just about what's brewing in my psyche.

Entropy's a bitch, isn't it?

[Pyraxis]

It is. 

[ozymandias]

I actually can understand that!   

[Lucifer]

I just like to move a lot and recreate my environment. If I stay too long in one place I get frustrated and restless. And this is the second move in a row where I've had to come back to a place I've already been. First to Dallas for the second time, because I got another gig there. And then MA for the second time. It's easier to change yourself if you place yourself into a new environment (at least I find it so) because nobody knows you, so nobody has preconceived expectations of you. I am antsy to make some changes to my life, because I'm not accomplishing a lot of the things that I wanted to have done by now. But I'm getting the same stupid fear, the one I usually cheat by throwing my environment into flux, but this time I can't get away from it.

I don't want to vanish into mediocrity.

So yeah. It's just about what's brewing in my psyche.

start with the fear, then.  (and these are rhetorical questions, if you don't want to publicise stuff)  what is it?  where does it come from?  how can you live with it AND do the stuff you want to (i.e., you don't have to lose it, cos life is often "and" and not "either/or").  or, how can you lose it?

etc., etc.  sometimes, saying stuff aloud helps me, cos it starts the processing of getting shit out.

sorry for the patronising, if you've already done all or any of this.

[Pyraxis]

start with the fear, then.  (and these are rhetorical questions, if you don't want to publicise stuff)  what is it?  where does it come from?  how can you live with it AND do the stuff you want to (i.e., you don't have to lose it, cos life is often "and" and not "either/or").  or, how can you lose it?

etc., etc.  sometimes, saying stuff aloud helps me, cos it starts the processing of getting shit out.

sorry for the patronising, if you've already done all or any of this.

This is pissing me off enough that I'll deal with a little patronising in order to potentially get new information.

It's about going back IRL after hanging around aspies too long who don't care if you're a spaz. I get afraid of making the smallest mistake, among people who are not tolerant. I don't mind fear but it fucks with communication. My voice gets jerky, I freeze up, so I can't talk about things relating to myself. I'm fine when I'm behind a facade but I've gotten to a point in my art career where in order to progress, I need to invest myself and reveal myself. That's what people look for in the work. They can sense it.

Because I hide, I've only been able to get gigs working on trite crap, where they don't care whether you love the project, because nobody really cares about it, it's just what the marketing guys think will sell. I don't want to spend my life making sequels to crappy sequels.

At a game design convention a year ago, I actually managed to come out to a guy in the industry. He didn't care how much of a spaz I was because he wanted to fuck me. But that was a case of throwing myself into a new environment where I'd never have to speak to any of the people again. I haven't made any progress since then.

[Lucifer]

this is my gut reaction: consider acting lessons, or joining a drama/theatre group of some sort.  seriously - i'm convinced i can do all the stuff you describe cos i was an actor.  it never becomes "natural" as such, but it does become second nature, and only takes a little effort, far less than you're making now.  and it works - even people who think they know me well find it difficult to accept that i'm a spaz.

to me, all social interaction is acting anyway, except for that with people i'm close to (few and far between, probably only a handful).

it is exhausting, but you're loads younger than me, so you should have more energy.  and it gets a hell of a lot easier with practise.

hope that's helpful. if i think of anything else, i'll let you know.

[ozymandias]

this is my gut reaction: consider acting lessons, or joining a drama/theatre group of some sort.  seriously - i'm convinced i can do all the stuff you describe cos i was an actor.  it never becomes "natural" as such, but it does become second nature, and only takes a little effort, far less than you're making now.  and it works - even people who think they know me well find it difficult to accept that i'm a spaz.

to me, all social interaction is acting anyway, except for that with people i'm close to (few and far between, probably only a handful).

it is exhausting, but you're loads younger than me, so you should have more energy.  and it gets a hell of a lot easier with practise.

hope that's helpful. if i think of anything else, i'll let you know.

Good point!  I spent most of college part 1 in the theatre dept. pursuing a dream of an acting career.  Never got there, but, I learned a lot more of the real world and how to handle disappoinment and how to "put" on an "act" when I HAD to in pursuit of what I wanted.  Also, I learned from the job placement dept of the college how to conduct myself during job interviews and such.  It is hard, but, it does get easier with practice.  Now when I interview for a nursing job, I know what to say, how to look and what to look for when I meet the people.

It's not about being a sellout or false to yourself, it's part of survival. 

You can do it.  You know a helluva more about yourself at 25, then I did when I was 25. 

[Parts]

Workman's comp audit over thank god