Post what you're thinking right now.

[DirtDawg]

there are so many fuck-ups on the road, right now. It's icy. I want to go to sleep, but someone just wrecked into a firetruck ablock over. It will take an hour to clean this shit up.  maybe longer, since it was a city vehicle involved

I had heard the multi-mega-watt car-fi annoyance blasting its way down the street and apparently not hearing the sirens. Everyone seems OK ...


the wreck was very loud, though, and it shook my house at about fourteen cycles.



 

I regard loud car-fis as idiot sirens for warning people of the approaching moron.

Agreed!

Around here the kids have lots of daddy's money to buy good shit though. That does not mean they make it sound good, they just play with more power and some real BASS (although its noise, just at very low frequencies, like at the lower limit of human hearing with substantial output, which requires some powerful stuff) comes out of some of the cars. I really don't mind too much, until midnight or if they make my windows shake.

[Peter]

there are so many fuck-ups on the road, right now. It's icy. I want to go to sleep, but someone just wrecked into a firetruck ablock over. It will take an hour to clean this shit up.  maybe longer, since it was a city vehicle involved

I had heard the multi-mega-watt car-fi annoyance blasting its way down the street and apparently not hearing the sirens. Everyone seems OK ...


the wreck was very loud, though, and it shook my house at about fourteen cycles.



 

I regard loud car-fis as idiot sirens for warning people of the approaching moron.

Agreed!

Around here the kids have lots of daddy's money to buy good shit though. That does not mean they make it sound good, they just play with more power and some real BASS (although its noise, just at very low frequencies, like at the lower limit of human hearing with substantial output, which requires some powerful stuff) comes out of some of the cars. I really don't mind too much, until midnight or if they make my windows shake.

Loud exhausts are another type of idiot siren.  If I have my windows open and one of those modded ned cars goes past, it can hurt my ears and leave them ringing.

[ozymandias]

there are so many fuck-ups on the road, right now. It's icy. I want to go to sleep, but someone just wrecked into a firetruck ablock over. It will take an hour to clean this shit up.  maybe longer, since it was a city vehicle involved

I had heard the multi-mega-watt car-fi annoyance blasting its way down the street and apparently not hearing the sirens. Everyone seems OK ...


the wreck was very loud, though, and it shook my house at about fourteen cycles.



 

I regard loud car-fis as idiot sirens for warning people of the approaching moron.

Agreed!

Around here the kids have lots of daddy's money to buy good shit though. That does not mean they make it sound good, they just play with more power and some real BASS (although its noise, just at very low frequencies, like at the lower limit of human hearing with substantial output, which requires some powerful stuff) comes out of some of the cars. I really don't mind too much, until midnight or if they make my windows shake.

Loud exhausts are another type of idiot siren.  If I have my windows open and one of those modded ned cars goes past, it can hurt my ears and leave them ringing.

Peter, I sympathize with you, that stuff makes me want to commit a random act of violence and unspeakable sadism!

[Soph]

thinking about sophie.
and why i still don't understand the 'lastsoph' picture. confusing me a lot. worrying.

[SovaNu]

lastsoph picture?

[Soph]

one of the last pictures she took of herself, she saved it as "lastsoph." and i only noticed the other day, i can't work out why though. she must have meant me because she never called herself soph... but i can't think what it meant

[SovaNu]

maybe she was thinking of you when she took the picture.

[Soph]

or maybe it means something bad, and it was another one of the signs i missed. i missed a lot
.

[odeon]

[DirtDawg]

or maybe it means something bad, and it was another one of the signs i missed. i missed a lot
.

We always miss a lot, but this kind of thing causes us to think even deeper about what more we may have missed and dwell upon all that has been lost forever. Keep her memories close and refresh them when you can.

Try to find a way to enjoy them.

It seems obvious that you were important to her.

[SovaNu]

yeah don't dwell fishy. don't blame yourself.

you loved her and gave her someone to love.

[Soph]

and i failed her in the end.
she wanted me to help her and i fucked up.

[SovaNu]

no you did not. and she wouldn't have you thinking like that, Soph. there are some people we can't save. they slip through our fingers. there's nothing you could do.

[Soph]

i think she wanted me to though. it's so obvious what was happening now. and i mkistook it for her getting better. i read somewhere the other day that a lot of depressed/suicidal people are more at risk of doing it when they seem to be getting better, because that's often because theyve made the decision to die, so theyre not in as much pain anymore. that's what happened with sophie. ithought she was getting better the last couple of weeeks, so i tried to make things normal like they used to be. but she wasn't, she'd already decided to do it. but there were loads of signs that that was what she was going to do. why would she have given me signs that she was going to do it if she didnt want me to stop her? maybe she wanted me to work it out and do something to fix it. she wanted me to go there but i didnt because i didnt know how to get to a different country on my own.

she wanted me to though and she said once that if we were friends irl then maybe things would be different (ie she wouldn't be as depressed), maybe that was what she wanted me to do. me and michael were the two people that could have saved her and when he had gone itw as just me. she relied on me and i fucked up

[DirtDawg]

i think she wanted me to though. it's so obvious what was happening now. and i mkistook it for her getting better. i read somewhere the other day that a lot of depressed/suicidal people are more at risk of doing it when they seem to be getting better, because that's often because theyve made the decision to die, so theyre not in as much pain anymore. that's what happened with sophie. ithought she was getting better the last couple of weeeks, so i tried to make things normal like they used to be. but she wasn't, she'd already decided to do it. but there were loads of signs that that was what she was going to do. why would she have given me signs that she was going to do it if she didnt want me to stop her? maybe she wanted me to work it out and do something to fix it. she wanted me to go there but i didnt because i didnt know how to get to a different country on my own.

she wanted me to though and she said once that if we were friends irl then maybe things would be different (ie she wouldn't be as depressed), maybe that was what she wanted me to do. me and michael were the two people that could have saved her and when he had gone itw as just me. she relied on me and i fucked up

NO!

Not true at all.
You have not failed her in any way. You were there for her. It is not you who broke off contact. I don't want to be harsh and make your time worse, but she is the one who gave up on you and your love and your support. You can't take this on your shoulders. Even if you had recognized that she was beyond the bend, it was too late by that time. It was most likely too late before you ever heard of her.

It's like Milla said, Some people slip through our fingers and nothing anyone can do or say can change that. Even if you had been her next door neighbor, she would have found a way, eventually, despite any intervention you could have tried.

Trust a friendly voice on this one thing. You could not have changed the outcome.