However since you brought up these problems you have with me, I will adress them.
I am very lightly masochistic. I say lightly, because I have seen people who are proud masochists, and I don't think I'm one of them. I fear doing permenant damage to any part of myself. I am okay with superficial scarring, but i'd prefer to keep it low. I am more afraid of doing damage to muscle tissue, or tendons, or nerves, than I actually care about the pain. I don't really care about bones because those guys are tough, they can take care of themselves.
But I enjoy wedging my nail between my teeth, or picking at scabs. I enjoy popping zits. I enjoy a good injury. I don't like inflicting injuries on myself, not big ones, mostly because I am too much of a chicken shit to inflict the necessary damage in one hit to actually create a worthy bruise(I don't do cutting, there is a danger of slicing nerves, tendons, and muscle, and it heals ugly). But if I accidentally slam my hand in a car door, or stub my toe, or fall down and bruise something, I enjoy it greatly. That is what I mean when I say I enjoy a good injury. Every now and then my incompetance incurs a good minor injury that will release pleasure chemicals simply by rubbing the perimeter of, and I am constantly stimulated by the ache.
And just a note. I don't actually enjoy the sensation of being injured. I enjoy the ache that comes after. I don't like being burned, or being cut, or being struck. But I love playing with a blister, nursing a cut, or rubbing a bruise.
Now I am not constantly hammering on myself. I rather prefer to just stumble into a good injury. But I also do excersize each week, and afterwards my legs ache, and I love that feeling. So between good minor injuries I enjoy the ache of post excersizing.
But this is totally different from being emo(god I hate that term). I am not injuring myself because I hate myself. I am not injuring myself to get attention, or as a cry for help. I am injuring myself because I am a sick masochistic weirdo. And this shit is totally different from emotional pain(although depressed people often engage in self injury to distract from emotional pain), I don't like emotional pain. I try as hard as I can to avoid emotional pain. Emotional pain happens in a place where you can't rub it to release pleasurable chemicals. And no amount of striking will make it numb and go away.
