I like a cold cause I get to use my favorite drug, which is nyquil. I love that stuff, what do- what do the rest of you use, robitussin? Robitussin, why do you bother? Non-narcotic sissy pansy bullshit. Nyquil's got the best thing i've ever read on a medicine package, 180 proof. It's the moonshine of medicine. You can buy it on a holiday.
See 'cause, when I got a cold, I want something that's gonna Fuck me up. Cause that way the blur seems interesting.
There's a daytime nyquil, there's a nighttime nyquil, drink either one you want, cause your cold doesn't give a shit what time it is.
Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green. It's the only thing on the planet that taste like Red and Green. And red and green are what? Christmas colors. That's right, nyquil makes a dandy eggnog.
Aww yeah, my friends bitched through the whole party, "This tastes like shit." But at the end, heh, we had a fun sleep over.
-- Lewis Black