Post what you're thinking right now.

[Callaway]

Thinking about how to tell my daughter that her grandfather died. An hour ago, she tip-toed downstairs, said she couldn't sleep. Asked if Mum was still here, if her Grandfather had died. I said she was still here, sleeping. And no, I didn't think he'd die tonight, answering her question. I knew that it was a white lie at best. Good chance he'll not survive the hour, actually.

For fuck's sake, I only said it because I knew she'd not sleep if I said something else. This is so fucked up.

My opinion is you tell her Grandfather died last night.

Then be prepared to answer her questions honestly and directly (don't use euphemisms), such as:

Why did he die?

What is it like to be buried?  Is it scary and lonely or cold and dark down there?

Depending on your and your wife's religious beliefs, she may ask where Grandfather is now.

She will probably ask a few questions at a time, then she will run off and play, then come back later and ask more questions, which will probably all be difficult to answer, so be ready to seize the moments, but if you don't know an answer, then don't be afraid to tell her you don't know and help her find an answer if you can.

Be honest when you are grieving.  Don't try to hide these feelings from her, so she will know that it's OK for her to grieve in her own way too.

[odeon]

Wish I had useful advice. Direct and calm is the best I can think of. Seeing trustworthy adults disturbed was scarier than the actual events of the deaths, when my grandfathers died.

That is useful advice, Pyraxis.

[odeon]

Thinking about how to tell my daughter that her grandfather died. An hour ago, she tip-toed downstairs, said she couldn't sleep. Asked if Mum was still here, if her Grandfather had died. I said she was still here, sleeping. And no, I didn't think he'd die tonight, answering her question. I knew that it was a white lie at best. Good chance he'll not survive the hour, actually.

For fuck's sake, I only said it because I knew she'd not sleep if I said something else. This is so fucked up.

My opinion is you tell her Grandfather died last night.

Then be prepared to answer her questions honestly and directly (don't use euphemisms), such as:

Why did he die?

What is it like to be buried?  Is it scary and lonely or cold and dark down there?

Depending on your and your wife's religious beliefs, she may ask where Grandfather is now.

She will probably ask a few questions at a time, then she will run off and play, then come back later and ask more questions, which will probably all be difficult to answer, so be ready to seize the moments, but if you don't know an answer, then don't be afraid to tell her you don't know and help her find an answer if you can.

Be honest when you are grieving.  Don't try to hide these feelings from her, so she will know that it's OK for her to grieve in her own way too.

What happened was that I was half asleep when she woke this morning, so her Mum told her. She's devastated, but also very rational about it.

My problem now is that I don't have religious beliefs. I believe that when we die, that's it. My wife sees it differently, so I'm trying to avoid those questions when I can, and be neutral when I can't.

[TheoK]

There's no pain where he is now, even for us atheists.

[odeon]

So true.

[DirtDawg]

Why did I renew the fucking domain at all if people want to leave?

I know you are not talking to me, specifically, and i regret taking so long to respond, but i feel that i began a dialog that quickly went tangent from what i was trying to say. i don't feel that i owe any explanation, but maybe some clarity as to my loss of faith.
It's not that i want to leave. i won't.
I am, in a way, beside myself with anxiety over losing my cool again. i don't know if i told enough about my feelings to get the point across, but i went out of control again for a few minutes. it was almost a year to the day since the last time it happened.
I have to take a close look at who i am and how i deal with stresses. work is sometimes good, sometimes bad. i feel confident more each day - life is generally good for me, lately.
I had a good run of over five years with no incidents where i lost my cool to the point i hurt someone.
A year ago i hurt someone else for no good reason. i simply got frustrated with his behavior. I could have stayed out of his way for another hour and worn him out throwing him on the ground harmlessly every time he came back at me, but i lost my resolve to be a man instead of an animal and broke his ribs to stop him. i was lucky that the investigating officer's report went in my favor and nothing came of it, but now that incident has come back around as a haunt in the current investigation.
They are looking at patterns and they find some they don't like.
I need to spend a great deal more time in contemplation and a bit less time thinking that i have it all sorted out, because i don't have it all sorted. i still lose grip on my temper quite often.
This has been a lifelong problem. i have no delusions left in this area. i am not under control. i am not at peace. anger and fury are buried in only the thinnest layer of veil. too many times it has surfaced. i fear that it is only a matter of time before i hurt someone i care about again.

I need to look closely at the things i want to have happen and work more in those directions. i do get annoyed at the frivolous way some people see this problem and think how they can joke it away from themselves and many posts i see here reflect this attitude. if you can joke it away then it's not really a problem, is it?

that does not mean that i am leaving, but i once held hope that i would find peer-ships in this place.
Contemplation will be a benefit to me, once again, if i can muster the courage to turn my gaze inward ... once again.

[renaeden]

^This is about those guys breaking into next-door? One of them hit your arm hard enough to break it. What if that had been your skull? Your family could be grieving for you right now if you had not defended yourself. I think you helped put those guys where they should be. Who knows who they hurt and what they stole in the past.

Everyone has a temper. I am medicated for my "explosive outbursts".

[DirtDawg]

^This is about those guys breaking into next-door? One of them hit your arm hard enough to break it. What if that had been your skull? Your family could be grieving for you right now if you had not defended yourself. I think you helped put those guys where they should be. Who knows who they hurt and what they stole in the past.

Everyone has a temper. I am medicated for my "explosive outbursts".

I have tried stay off of those types of medications and mostly succeeded. not to put too fine a point on it or point the finger at any one person, but many of Peter's depressive posts are perfect examples of the exact same responses and what i was feeling while i was still experimenting with the assortment of meds i tried. part of the reason i don't respond to his posts is that it feels way too smarmy to spout some crap like, "just stop doing the meds!"  because when i was his age i was still smoking pot.


... ... ... but I am much better off without the meds - the underlying reason i began to look for some chemical  help is still there. it has not gone away because of my wishing or my contemplation. it won't but i feel that i should have better control. i have psoted this before, but i know there is a problem and i deal with it adequately most of the time. there are times though when i don't even know how out of it i have become - i don't even know i need to just sit down and stim or something, close myself off and be alone.

It is these times when i "lose it"  and do something i regret later.

[odeon]

I'm just frustrated, DD. Venting. I hope you won't leave this place, though, cos you're one of the people I feel a connection with and respect around here.

[SovaNu]

i'm too afraid of medication, i used to experiment with psych meds but it just seems scary to do it anymore, i feel more clearheaded now that i'm just taking tryptofan and stuff, but the problems are still there and i still drink though it's mostly under control. too under control. i feel naked without anything in my system, i feel weird without something calming/numbing. but i'm so afraid of antidepressants, they either didn't work or let me down and i was lucky with them, since they can cause serious problems. some people get brain shocks.

i read about the cow machine, the thing temple grandin designed and i want one. i think it could help.

[Peter]

I have tried stay off of those types of medications and mostly succeeded. not to put too fine a point on it or point the finger at any one person, but many of Peter's depressive posts are perfect examples of the exact same responses and what i was feeling while i was still experimenting with the assortment of meds i tried. part of the reason i don't respond to his posts is that it feels way too smarmy to spout some crap like, "just stop doing the meds!"  because when i was his age i was still smoking pot.

Actually, most of my depressive posts have been made while I've been completely unmedicated, even most of the posts where my ability to think clearly and rationally was compromised, as has happened to me from time to time (usually followed by my temporary departure or reduction in posting activity once I became aware that it had happened, and my return once my mental state had improved).  Until quite recently, I only took psych meds for brief periods; usually about a month or less per medication, before giving up on them because of the severity of the side-effects and the lack of any evident benefit, and although I can't remember how much I've posted while taking meds, I was pretty sedated on many of them and probably didn't post very much while on those ones.  The reason I kept trying new meds was that I frequently felt like shit regardless of whether or not I was medicated, with the medications just making me feel more shitty, and I was willing to put up with extra shittiness for the chance of finding something that actually improved things for me; something that would keep me from cycling back and forth between normalcy or near-normalcy and the depths of depression, which would help me to stay awake during the day and not feel tired all the time and which would generally make my life more worth living.

Now I've finally found something that makes me feel better, stabilises my mood and sleep pattern to a considerable extent, gives me more energy, helps me to think more clearly, be more creative, confident, ambitious and generally more functional, and which has had mild and tolerable side-effects so far, so I think it was worth going through all the previous unpleasantness with the other medications, plus all the effort and anxiety involved in seeing GP's, psychologists and psychiatrists, in order to reach this point.  I still have bad days, and only time will tell if my recent and continuing improvement is going to last, but I'm glad for any improvement, small or large, fleeting or lasting, over my condition in the past.

Your posts at the moment remind me of some of the thoughts and feelings that I often experience when I'm entering a bad patch and the circumstances that can precipitate or exacerbate one; a loss of confidence in myself over some perceived error, feelings of anxiety, despair and an lack of control over my situation, being haunted by memories of past mistakes, a sense of being unable to trust myself, wanting to reduce my contact with other people so that I won't damage relationships with them or lower their opinions of me and a sense of disappointment that my previous good patch has turned out to be just another temporary reprieve rather than something stable and lasting.  I wish I could offer helpful advice, but I've still not figured out a way of managing my own episodes beyond waiting for them to go away and taking meds that, for the moment, seem to be keeping them at bay for the most part, so I'm offering sympathies instead, and I hope things improve for you sooner rather than later.

[El]

Thinking about how to tell my daughter that her grandfather died. An hour ago, she tip-toed downstairs, said she couldn't sleep. Asked if Mum was still here, if her Grandfather had died. I said she was still here, sleeping. And no, I didn't think he'd die tonight, answering her question. I knew that it was a white lie at best. Good chance he'll not survive the hour, actually.

For fuck's sake, I only said it because I knew she'd not sleep if I said something else. This is so fucked up.

My opinion is you tell her Grandfather died last night.

Then be prepared to answer her questions honestly and directly (don't use euphemisms), such as:

Why did he die?

What is it like to be buried?  Is it scary and lonely or cold and dark down there?

Depending on your and your wife's religious beliefs, she may ask where Grandfather is now.

She will probably ask a few questions at a time, then she will run off and play, then come back later and ask more questions, which will probably all be difficult to answer, so be ready to seize the moments, but if you don't know an answer, then don't be afraid to tell her you don't know and help her find an answer if you can.

Be honest when you are grieving.  Don't try to hide these feelings from her, so she will know that it's OK for her to grieve in her own way too.

What happened was that I was half asleep when she woke this morning, so her Mum told her. She's devastated, but also very rational about it.

My problem now is that I don't have religious beliefs. I believe that when we die, that's it. My wife sees it differently, so I'm trying to avoid those questions when I can, and be neutral when I can't.

I'm sorry for your loss, Odeon.

[Parts]

Why do people want to ask you things as soon as you leave.  Been on the job 4 days but they wait till I am driving home on the highway to call and ask me things

[Pissgai]

Whoa is me. It's another emo-MacMisery post

TL; DR

You could put your literacy skills to good use by writing out a closing letter for a potential part-time job. 

[odeon]

Thinking I should be in bed, sleeping.