BTW- that post (and my previous one on this thread) were me attempting to open up a little, even if it was just about how I feel about this place, as a starting point.
As for what I've been doing lately- I've been trying to be positive and get my life back on track, because it feels like its been buried under shit for so long. I'm trying to feel good about the little things in life, instead of constantly feeling inadequate. For a lot of people the things I consider small achievements now are probably laughably pitiful, but having spent so long almost paralysed with worry and fear of making the wrong decision I feel they're worth a small amount of pride:
1) Almost everyone on our xmas list got at least one hand made gift- I worked my ass off getting them finished and the finished products were rather nice imo, and as a result of that by the time xmas rolled around we weren't actually coppering up to buy bread.
2) I haven't smoked for almost 5 weeks now- not a long time I know, but I've used smoking as a coping mechanism to help deal with the stress in my life for so long that it was hard to take that leap forward and throw away something I felt helped me get through the day.
3) I've started to really enjoy my 'job' again- yeah I know right now I'm 'just a mum', but that can be a damn hard job, that requires plenty of organisation skills. Now I'm trying not to be my own worst enemy I actually feel like I do a reasonable job of it again.
4) Finally I'm getting to the stage where I don't feel completely inadequate to help my kids through the issues they're going to face in life. My eldest AS son starts secondary school in September and my youngest AS son starts full time primary school in September- sure I'm still worried about how they'll both cope, but I no-longer feel that I completely lack the skills to help them.
Like I said, not a great deal and nothing all that interesting- but it feels good to be digging my way out of the shit again.