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Author Topic: Post what you're thinking right now.  (Read 385342 times)

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Offline SovaNu

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12990 on: December 11, 2007, 09:40:42 AM »
yeah and that was a lot for you to carry, noone should have that kind of responsibility poured on them. to save another person so completely. i know you wanted to though. :( you did your best, maybe there were signs, well, we don't always notice all the signs and we want the people we love to be well. you wanted to support Starbuline in what appeared to be wellness. you thought she was doing better. you didn't want to upset her by not supporting that. that's why you tried to be normal, am i right? at least that's how i would be. it's how i am. if someone appears to be doing better i'm afraid to rock the boat.

and DD is right, you did not fail her at all.
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"I think everybody has an asshole component to their personality. It's just a matter of how much you indulge it. Those who do it often form a habit. So like any addiction, you have to learn to overcome it."
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"We are all the sum of our tears. Too little and the ground is not fertile and nothing can grow there; too much, the best of us is washed away."
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Soph

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12991 on: December 11, 2007, 09:55:47 AM »
yeah, i tried not to make it worse, because i thoguht she as getting better. she even said she wouldnt do it because she'd be too scared and she just gets like that sometimes npw, not all the time. so i tried not to panic too much and would just go and panic to someone else and pm someone like calandale or something because i didnt know what i could do. but maybe i should have done the opposite, she might have thought that meant i didnt care. i know she was thinking about me a bit whens he didn it because of the note she left, but then why wouldnt she have spoken to me firswt, to say goodbye or something? maybe that means she thought id given up on her or didnt care about her anymore
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Offline SovaNu

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12992 on: December 11, 2007, 10:17:57 AM »
i think it was too hard to say goodbye? or she didn't want you to try to stop her.
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"I think everybody has an asshole component to their personality. It's just a matter of how much you indulge it. Those who do it often form a habit. So like any addiction, you have to learn to overcome it."
~Lord Phlexor

"Sometimes stepping on one's own dick is a memorable learning experience."
~PPK

"We are all the sum of our tears. Too little and the ground is not fertile and nothing can grow there; too much, the best of us is washed away."
~Gkar

:blonde:

Soph

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12993 on: December 11, 2007, 10:19:18 AM »
i wish she had though. she could have just talked to me without telling me what she was going to do, i can't even remember the last thing she said to me :(
stupid IE, it fucked up my msn a week before she died, so all my chatlogs stop then and i don't have anything to check to see wht we talked about the last time we talked.
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Offline odeon

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12994 on: December 11, 2007, 12:16:51 PM »
Listen to Milla and DD--this isn't your fault. From what I hear, you were there for her, you did everything possible. Don't blame yourself.
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Soph

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12995 on: December 11, 2007, 01:08:06 PM »
yeah, maybe i should stop thinking about it like that and just think of good things. i hope she knew how much i loved her. i did tell her a lot so i hope so.
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ozymandias

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12996 on: December 11, 2007, 02:15:25 PM »
Quote from: <°)))>< on December 11, 2007, 01:08:06 PM
yeah, maybe i should stop thinking about it like that and just think of good things. i hope she knew how much i loved her. i did tell her a lot so i hope so.

I'm sure she knows.
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Soph

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12997 on: December 11, 2007, 02:16:52 PM »
actually, i just though - now i know she decided to do it in advance, i at least know it wasn't just something she did without thinking. before i used to worry that maybe she'd got cocaine again or something and she didn't think it through and might have changed her mind later. i guess it's better that she did want to do it, than that she just got really depressed and acted without thinking it through.
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Soph

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12998 on: December 11, 2007, 02:17:31 PM »
Quote from: ozymandias on December 11, 2007, 02:15:25 PM
Quote from: <°)))>< on December 11, 2007, 01:08:06 PM
yeah, maybe i should stop thinking about it like that and just think of good things. i hope she knew how much i loved her. i did tell her a lot so i hope so.

I'm sure she knows.
i hope so. she found it hard to accept that people loved her.
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Offline SovaNu

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #12999 on: December 11, 2007, 02:26:13 PM »
 :hugs:

when you have a shattered self image there's nothing anyone can say to heal that. :( but i'm sure she knew you loved her anyway. it's like how anorexics can know they are skinny and yet feel really fat. they know consciously they are underweight. it's a multi-leveled thing. she must have known she was loved. it was that she had a hard time loving herself or accepting herself. it's what i think.
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"I think everybody has an asshole component to their personality. It's just a matter of how much you indulge it. Those who do it often form a habit. So like any addiction, you have to learn to overcome it."
~Lord Phlexor

"Sometimes stepping on one's own dick is a memorable learning experience."
~PPK

"We are all the sum of our tears. Too little and the ground is not fertile and nothing can grow there; too much, the best of us is washed away."
~Gkar

:blonde:

Soph

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #13000 on: December 11, 2007, 02:29:32 PM »
she said once that she didnt think anyone loved her as much as i did - i don't know if that makes me feel better or worse though. at least maybe that means she did know. but i wasn't the only person who loved her, lots of people do. i don't want her to think i was the only one who did. i think she knew her family did in the end though. she said in her note that she wanted them to be a happier family. i don't think she realised how much she means to people. once when she got suicidal and i was trying to make it better she told me how it wouldn't be the end of the world if she died, and that i'd get over it. she didn't know it would be like this
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duncvis

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #13001 on: December 12, 2007, 02:39:35 PM »
I think I'd like some beer.
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ozymandias

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #13002 on: December 12, 2007, 03:05:10 PM »
Quote from: Tony Harrison on December 12, 2007, 02:39:35 PM
I think I'd like some beer.

I'm thinking wine, but, it's too early here. :(
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Soph

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #13003 on: December 12, 2007, 03:08:42 PM »
i'd like some lucozade, and i have some  : :laugh:

and flo is next to me
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Offline DirtDawg

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Re: Post what you're thinking right now.
« Reply #13004 on: December 12, 2007, 03:30:24 PM »
Quote from: ozymandias on December 12, 2007, 03:05:10 PM
Quote from: Tony Harrison on December 12, 2007, 02:39:35 PM
I think I'd like some beer.

I'm thinking wine, but, it's too early here. :(

I have heard this. I do NOT subscribe.
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Jimi Hendrix: When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. 

Ghandi: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

The end result of life's daily pain and suffering, trials and failures, tears and laughter, readings and listenings is an accumulation of wisdom in its purest form.
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