IM etiquette question

[El]

A series of questions to you guys/gals about IM etiquette.  If someone has their IM screenname posted in a public place, is it sort of public domain/an invite to IM them?  Does the answer change if you know or do not know the person?  Does it change if they likely know your IM but have not contacted you?  If the plave the IM is posted on allows PMs, should you PM a request to IM first, or just do it?

I'm out of the loop.  I did a thesis on IMing, stopped actually using IM because I developed a bit of an aversion, and now I forget the internet norms.  I'm betting you guys will know this; AS/auties or no, it seems like a lot of you instant message a lot.

[Peter]

I always send someone an email/PM before I add them on an IM client.  I don't like it when people randomly add me without talking to me beforehand; I don't know where they've found my addy, so I don't know how to treat them or what they're likely to want.

[Mr Smith]

I never bother to IM much tbh.

But if they display it, yes, I figure that is an invitation.

[Kiriana]

Oooh, interesting questions.

I would think that yes, posting your IM screen name is a more or less open invitation, though perhaps with limitations.  Say it's posted on a message board...it would be an invitation to the others who belong to the board, not anyone who wandered by, though that's certainly a risk you take when you post such things publically.   If they have your info...hmm....well, if you've said to them "here's my IM, let's chat sometime" and they don't contact you, then I wouldn't contact them.  In that case, I'd assume they don't like to IM, are too busy, or maybe just don't want to chat with you.  But if they've just seen your name the way you've seen theirs, then it should be ok.  Then they're probably just thinking the same thing you are-- should I send a message or shouldn't I?   PMing first to ask permission would be awfully formal, but I don't see anything inherently wrong with it.

Interestingly, someone who kind of tracked me down via indirect info (my yahoo name was the same as my blog name and the same as my username on another board) ended up becoming one of my closest online friends, though it was certainly weird the day I got a message out of the blue that said "Hey, are you ___ from ___??"  lol

I always send someone an email/PM before I add them on an IM client.  I don't like it when people randomly add me without talking to me beforehand; I don't know where they've found my addy, so I don't know how to treat them or what they're likely to want.

Oh, yeah, also a good point.  It depends on the IM client, IMO...if there's a space to put info with my add request, then I would, (ie "Hi, this is Kiriana from Intensity!"), if not, PM/email first.   I do have a tendency to ignore people who don't tell me who they are right off the bat.

[McGiver]

my MSN Messenger isn't working PMS Elle.  so don't waste your time.
but, you may feel free to PM me if you'd like to.

[Tesla]

my MSN Messenger isn't working PMS Elle.  so don't waste your time.
but, you may feel free to PM me if you'd like to.

I was going to say that.

[Pyraxis]

I don't post my IM info, on the assumption that people will start IM'ing me randomly that I don't want to talk to.

I keep myself on invisible status, or selectively invisible, most of the time, because even when people have my IM, I don't always want to talk to them.

If you are visible, someone IM's you, and you don't answer, I'm pretty sure it's considered rude.

I wouldn't request permission by PM to IM somebody whose info was posted, if they would already know who I was. My first message would tell them who I was, and I wouldn't add them unless I thought we might talk several more times.

I can't think of any circumstances under which I would IM a stranger who wouldn't know who I was.

[Randy]

I am pretty sure that sounds stupid, I mean, I would make other assumptions, like she is not in the mood, or is away.  I am not trying to offend you, if you want me to, I will post nude pics

[Pyraxis]

I am pretty sure that sounds stupid, I mean, I would make other assumptions, like she is not in the mood, or is away.

That's cool. I've had people ask me why I didn't answer, if I was online and ignored them. I thought some people were hurt by being ignored. I could just be being paranoid though.

What do you people think if you IM one of your friends and they don't answer?

[Alex179]

I am not on IM that much lately, so this hasn't been the issue that it was in the past.   I don't care at all to be honest, people can add me all they want.   If someone is really bothering me on an IM client I will just block them (which I have done many times haha).   I always ask them via PM before adding someone myself.   I seem to get contacted out of nowhere by people.  I do think it is public domain, but out of respect I always PM the person first anyways (other than one time to piss a troll off deliberately with my alternate screename).

That hasn't been the case from when I played FFXI, people just added me off of forums (hell people that weren't even on my server).   I played the most in demand class so everyone would try to suck my dick to get me to party with them (not many Bards to go around).   That got annoying fast, but made me more friends than I really wanted to have.   Mostly people who want to be my friend it was for the wrong reason (who I was in the game).  I was also in the most powerful/influential LS (guild) so people would annoy me about their applications and cry about us being elitists.   That or people from different servers trying to get me to share strategies.

[The_P]

Eh, I only added you mainly because of Mario Kart, not to vent my issues onto you.

[El]

It seems about 50/50.

I may have complocated the issue for myself; I posted a general status update on this site inviting anyone to AIM me; unbeknownst to me, my AIM privacy settings blocked anyone I'd not already added from contacting me.  (Again, i've not been using AIM recently and it has new fangled features.)  Anyone who tried to contact me (doubt anyone did, but still) was getting mixed signals.   

[McGiver]

It seems about 50/50.

I may have complocated the issue for myself; I posted a general status update on this site inviting anyone to AIM me; unbeknownst to me, my AIM privacy settings blocked anyone I'd not already added from contacting me.  (Again, i've not been using AIM recently and it has new fangled features.)  Anyone who tried to contact me (doubt anyone did, but still) was getting mixed signals.   

this makes me wonder if you are going to stand for election.

[El]

HAHAHAHAHHAAHA!  Speak of the fucking devil!  I just got a random IM from someone off that site!!!

[purposefulinsanity]

I'd rather people sent me a pm before adding me- but that's mainly because my MSN doesn't always show add requests and I'd rather be able to tell them I didn't get the add request than have them thinking I didn't respond to it.