Is kindness a weakness?

[The_P]

I would like to know your thoughts on the matter.

(Fuck writing out an essay. I can't be arsed today.)

[Soph]

With people who are overly nice to everyone, yes. But they're more sycophantic assholes than kind. I don't think it's a weakness to be kind to people who deserve it though, or friends etc.

[McGiver]

they say that you get more bees with honey.  some people warrant wrath, but for the most part being nice and respectful to people will yield more results.

[purposefulinsanity]

I think that there's no need to be twatty with anyone unless they've really done something to deserve it, its better to treat people with some respect, but unfortunately you don't always get the same back.   In some ways I do think that being kind can be a weakness that other people can exploit (whether they do this intentionally or not). For example, sometimes if people know they can always rely on you they do start taking you for granted and are no-where to be seen when you need support or help with something.    But overall I personally think its better to treat everyone with basic respect (and kindness when necessary) unless of course they've made it clear that they're going to act like a twat with you.

[Callaway]

I would like to know your thoughts on the matter.

I think that anyone can be kind to their friends, but I think that it takes a really strong person to be kind to people even if they are not kind to you.

I think you should be kind to everyone unless they demonstrate that they definitely do not deserve your kindness.

Purposeful Insanity is correct that some people will try to take you for granted if you are kind, but I think that says more about them than it does about you.  You don't have to be unkind to stop someone from taking advantage of you.

[purposefulinsanity]

Purposeful Insanity is correct that some people will try to take you for granted if you are kind, but I think that says more about them than it does about you.  You don't have to be unkind to stop someone from taking advantage of you.

I think you're right about it saying more about the other person- it took me a long time to realise this, for years I kept asking myself what was wrong with me that made people treat me like that and wondered if I should change.   But I finally figured I'd rather be happy with myself than try protect myself against being used by people.  Sure sometimes people do still take advantage of me, but there are a lot of people who do actually appreciate me for who I am and I'm grateful for that.

[Callaway]

Purposeful Insanity is correct that some people will try to take you for granted if you are kind, but I think that says more about them than it does about you.  You don't have to be unkind to stop someone from taking advantage of you.

I think you're right about it saying more about the other person- it took me a long time to realise this, for years I kept asking myself what was wrong with me that made people treat me like that and wondered if I should change.   But I finally figured I'd rather be happy with myself than try protect myself against being used by people.  Sure sometimes people do still take advantage of me, but there are a lot of people who do actually appreciate me for who I am and I'm grateful for that.

I had similar experiences and I came to the same conclusion that you did, Purposeful Insanity.

I think for me, it was that I so wanted to have friends that I would do almost anything for them.  If someone asked me for a favor, I would drop whatever I was doing to do their favor for them.  I will still do a great deal for other people, but I don't drop what I am doing so much anymore, if that makes any sense.

[Natalia Evans]

Hell no. I don't like bullies, assholes, wankers, meanie mos, rude people, etc. I try to be nice to everyone. I was raised that way in my family anyway.

[Pyraxis]

I think that anyone can be kind to their friends, but I think that it takes a really strong person to be kind to people even if they are not kind to you.

What if you find it easier to be kind and reasonable to a person who's unkind to you, but it doesn't do any good to stop them from being unkind to the next person they meet?

Do you think being unkind is ever a worthwhile skill to develop? Or is the ideal something more Gandhi-like, passive resistance?

[Natalia Evans]

I think that anyone can be kind to their friends, but I think that it takes a really strong person to be kind to people even if they are not kind to you.

What if you find it easier to be kind and reasonable to a person who's unkind to you, but it doesn't do any good to stop them from being unkind to the next person they meet?

Do you think being unkind is ever a worthwhile skill to develop? Or is the ideal something more Gandhi-like, passive resistance?

I wouldn't even bother with them. I would stay away from them.

[purposefulinsanity]

Yes, that makes sense Callaway- that's the kind of thing I would do. The most extreme example I can think of is this:    A couple of years ago I became friends with a woman who lives a couple of streets away from us- she's a single mum with 3 kids and has a lot of problems with them.  I would look after her kids for her whenever she asked (even if I was really too busy to) , let them stay at our house to eat all the time, lend her money (even when we really couldn't afford it),  etc.     Her eldest son was always in trouble- he was only 10 but he was a very violent boy and whenever he got into trouble she would never punish him because she said it wasn't his fault.  For too long I kept trying to help, even taking one of her kids in for the night when she'd forgotten about him, locked him out and passed out drunk on the living room floor.      In the end I had to cut off contact with the whole family because he was hitting my kids, he throw a rock through our window and threatened me with a big kitchen knife.   

[Natalia Evans]

Yes, that makes sense Callaway- that's the kind of thing I would do. The most extreme example I can think of is this:    A couple of years ago I became friends with a woman who lives a couple of streets away from us- she's a single mum with 3 kids and has a lot of problems with them.  I would look after her kids for her whenever she asked (even if I was really too busy to) , let them stay at our house to eat all the time, lend her money (even when we really couldn't afford it),  etc.     Her eldest son was always in trouble- he was only 10 but he was a very violent boy and whenever he got into trouble she would never punish him because she said it wasn't his fault.  For too long I kept trying to help, even taking one of her kids in for the night when she'd forgotten about him, locked him out and passed out drunk on the living room floor.      In the end I had to cut off contact with the whole family because he was hitting my kids, he throw a rock through our window and threatened me with a big kitchen knife.   

What disorder does the boy have?

He sounds just like the Dev-Man but worse at that age except he kept throwing the ax at my brother and his friends in the forest and I didn't even know about it till the end of the school year. He was sent to the hospital by his parents for doing that.

[odeon]

I think that there's no need to be twatty with anyone unless they've really done something to deserve it, its better to treat people with some respect, but unfortunately you don't always get the same back.   In some ways I do think that being kind can be a weakness that other people can exploit (whether they do this intentionally or not). For example, sometimes if people know they can always rely on you they do start taking you for granted and are no-where to be seen when you need support or help with something.    But overall I personally think its better to treat everyone with basic respect (and kindness when necessary) unless of course they've made it clear that they're going to act like a twat with you.

QFT

[purposefulinsanity]

He doesn't have any disorder,(not one diagnosed anyway) he was examined for ADHD but she was told he didn't have it- his problems are mainly caused by the fact his mother drinks a lot (often to the point of passing out) and his father (and the boyfriends she's had since she split up with him) have mainly all been violent to her.  He doesn't have any kind of real parental influence- his mother lets him swear at everyone, smoke (even giving him her own cigarettes to keep him quite), stay out as late as he likes, she just lets him do whatever he likes basically.  His behaviour wasn't helped by the fact that whenever anyone complained about his behaviour she would just tell them to 'fuck off' and then tell him to ignore them, or by the fact the police couldn't do anything with him until he turned 10.   Once he turned 10 he was put on probation for a year for robbing someone at knife point.

[Natalia Evans]

He doesn't have any disorder,(not one diagnosed anyway) he was examined for ADHD but she was told he didn't have it- his problems are mainly caused by the fact his mother drinks a lot (often to the point of passing out) and his father (and the boyfriends she's had since she split up with him) have mainly all been violent to her.  He doesn't have any kind of real parental influence- his mother lets him swear at everyone, smoke (even giving him her own cigarettes to keep him quite), stay out as late as he likes, she just lets him do whatever he likes basically.  His behaviour wasn't helped by the fact that whenever anyone complained about his behaviour she would just tell them to 'fuck off' and then tell him to ignore them, or by the fact the police couldn't do anything with him until he turned 10.   Once he turned 10 he was put on probation for a year for robbing someone at knife point.

That doesn't sound right what she is doing. Letting her boy getting away with everything he does isn't fair to him because look what will happen to him when he is older, jail time, prison and he is already on probation. Is she expecting the police to correct her boy? Their punishments are a lot tougher than parents' punishments. It could cost her son his life because she never punished him for his behavior when he was little and that wouldn't be fair to him. It's not fair to any child to let them do whatever they want and not punish them for misbehaving because then they could end up getting busted by the cops and serve some of their time in jail, even for the half of their life or for the rest of their lives.