Send this to Trigger:
"I'm here for a laugh, mate. All you need to know without the cryptic questioning.
However, I have one for you: Why have you returned when you're obviously nervous around the chick who thinks you're a bit of a creepo on here? I don't give a shit some vaginas think I'm a creepo online - not any more, at least. I think you're doing your self-esteem a great disservice by being here.
Your white knighting to defend Porridge was cute, btw."