What is the living strategy of social people?

[Nomaken]

I am not the most unsocial person you'll ever find.  But i feel like i'm further along the unsocial end than the social end of the spectrum.

Background story:
When I first started going to anime conventions, i thought the concept was, we were all supposed to stay together and go to exhibits together, that the point of it was to interact with each other, and the anime was just a thing to tide over the moments when neither of us could think of anything to say.  However everyone broke away from each other.  They all went to do their own thing.  And I felt like when I went to the exhibits to look at something, even though there were hundreds of people there, i was actually alone.  Nobody cared that I was there and if there was a moment when i could speak to the people running the exhibit that there was a single weak social connection there, but a moment later i was nobody to any of them.  I still am unaware if everyone there was just alone and happened to be consuming the art(anime, paintinings, merchanidise, games, ect) alone, but hundreds of people alone together.  And I wager that is probably just how I felt.

I've decided that my general living strategy is that socializing on the level I feel merits the term socializing is only an occasional indulgence to me.  Like once every 2 weeks or more.  And the rest is just getting what I want through people.  Food, entertainment, ect.  And it is the things I want from people that I enjoy, not the people themselves.  That seems like an unsocial living strategy.  And I am certain(more like very optimistic) that there are genuinely social people out there.  But it makes me wonder.

What is the living strategy of social people? 

What is their ultimate goal in everything they do?  What do they do to achieve that goal?  What is meaningful to them?

[Pyraxis]

What is the living strategy of social people? 

What is their ultimate goal in everything they do?  What do they do to achieve that goal?  What is meaningful to them?

Case study of one of the more social people I know, the kind of person who lives for others and believes their life is not complete unless they're in love, in a meaningful relationship. As far as I can tell, their ultimate goal is to experience what people call "love". They see themselves not as an individual, but as one member of a web of interconnectedness, not just with a mate, but with everyone around them. They expect a level of interdependence that I find bizarre. They expect to get help whenever they need it, as if their possessions and the possessions of those around them were a common pool of resources, instead of divided and apportioned based on ownership. For example, if they went out of town it would be a matter of course that someone would come by and take care of the plants, regardless of whether it inconvenienced the person or not, just because the plants were there and needed to be taken care of. They would be very hurt if the person refused, because that would look like bowing out of the interconnected web, and mean that they didn't really care. The ultimate dislike is indifference, because mutual emotion (good or bad) enables the web to function. Aloneness, the state of not having anyone to talk to or share with, is painful - I've heard it said by this kind of person, nothing is really real until it's shared. So they need others around, in order to feel like they exist.

I'm probably totally mangling this, and if people who knew this person read it, they'd tell me I was getting it all wrong and I just didn't understand. Fair enough, but I'm just describing it as I see it, so what if the part of my brain that would truly grok it is dysfunctional.

[Nomaken]

* Nomaken is captivated in fascination of the complex alien ideas.

That sounds bizzare and neat, suppose there is a book or a class on it?

[Hypnotica_Gaze]

Yes its called Sociology or Social Psychology. 

You dont wanna be the stereotypical normal social person anyway,
theyre needy unrealistic pathetic fake twats.

[Nomaken]

I didn't say I wanted to live like a social person, but I was curious what they are getting out of socializing that makes it worth it.

[Postperson]

Their brains pump out 'FEEL GOOD' chemicals when they are in the company of others. My brain doesn't pump out any such chemicals when I'm with people.

[Hypnotica_Gaze]

lol yes mine neither.

Mines usually pumps out "Fuck off before i tase you" chemicals.

However i can disguise it.

[eris]

necro-posting

What is the living strategy of social people?  

What is their ultimate goal in everything they do?  What do they do to achieve that goal?  What is meaningful to them?

Fuck if I know.

I wouldnt say I am completely anti-social as I have friends but most of the time IRL Im very very quiet and I only talk when I have something important to say. Although, I have friends that are very social and I think they are pretty happy. My best friend is just as fucked up as me, with more problems, but is much more confrontational and kind of a total cunt. But, she has tons of friends and is extremely social, but I wouldnt say she has a goal for socialbility. I dont think anyone has "goals" of sociability. It is just something you are or or not, social people dont have some magical secret that everyone else doesnt know. It's kind of a silly question actually. What is meaningfull to them ? Probably the same things that are meaningfull to everyone else... I dont see how being social makes a person have ulterior motives.

Im bumping this because I want to see the current members comment on this.

[renaeden]

It is a strange thing to ask a bunch of autistic people.

[eris]

I think it is a strange question, period. And I'd like to see what autistic people have to say about it.

I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I have my suspicions of AS ( im not here for nothing).

I don't identify with the OP, but I also don't identify with what Pyraxis' is saying at all.


I like people in really small doses, but I cant do without them totally.

[renaeden]

I have three close-ish friends, including GA. But I don't need them as such, I just like to see them from time to time. GA more than the others.

I used to live by myself and I loved it. It meant I could see people when I chose to, not see them whether I wanted to or not.

I recharge when there are no people around, maybe social people recharge with people around. I can't imagine what it is like to want to go to a party but there are people out there who like to host parties. I would rather read a good book and get my people fix that way.

[eris]

I live by myself now, and I lived by myself though my early to mid twenties, and there would be times when I wouldn't talk to anyone for like a week. I kind of get caught up in my own head. I only have one really really close friend IRL, but I know a ton of people mostly through associatian, and eh, I can take them or leave them.

Sometimes I want to go to a party, but my idea of a party is just getting drunk with like 5 people. I really wouldnt like to go to a FUNCTION or something like that.

It's like the sims   my social meter gets too low and I need to talk to someone, then it goes back up and Im good for a while.

But there are ALSO times when Ive been in a commited reltionship and saw the person everyday, but would sometimes go 10 hours without saying anything to him.

I have a hard time understanding peoples motives sometimes, and I just generally distrust everyone.

I guess everyone is different, and Im not even sure I have AS. I know I dont have the things my psychiatrist told me I have, and AS would really make sense especially when it comes to rituals and social cues and seeming "cold". I know Im not a sociopath, that's all I know.

[renaeden]

Did your psych say that you were a sociopath?

Before I got diagnosed, one psych told me that I was schizoid and avoidant.

The Sims analogy is a good one, that makes sense to me.

[eris]

I never saw a psychiatrist until maybe 5 months ago or so in a serious way...

At first I was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, then Antisocial Personality Disorder ( that is a sociopath), and Bipolar. But he really didn't talk to me that much. Ok, I probably am Bipolar. I dont sleep well  and have racing thoughts sometimes. But I don't buy the other stuff at all. Im too nice  

He said I am a sociopath for a few (stupid) reasons.

1. criminal past
2. sexual sadism
3. unwillingness to conform to society in any way
4. "living on the edge" risky behavior, etc
5.  seeming cold

These things ARE traits of a sociopath, but there are so many things I am NOT. I dont lie, I dont hurt animals, and I am very very very capable of love and I would never fuck anyone over without good reason

It's like he saw my criminal past and strange sexual behavior and labeled me in 5 minutes.

The more I talk about it with a certain friend of mine with AS, and the more I learn about it, the more convinced I am that Im not crazy and Im just an aspie. I dont fit into ANY of the categories of anything I was diagnosed with.

[renaeden]

I don't think your psychiatrist will change his mind about your diagnoses so you may have to seek a second opinion, to ask about AS from someone that knows about it.

I don't know much about sociopathy(sp) but fwiw you don't seem that way to me.