DD, what's my dx? I mean really? 
and me, and me!
The most obvious dysfunction that I notice, upon quick inspection of each of you, is Silent Foom Syndrome.
The treatment involves conquering a number of geographic obstacles, but you will experience immediate benefits. I suggest a single co-occupied foom, somewhere private, as soon as possible.
After a short time for adjustment, while co-occupying said foom, the silence should begin to abate, quickly. Repeat the treatment as often as necessary. The only known side effect would be an increasing apathy for concerns outside of said foom.
