Were you always too open prior to a few years ago, or did you go from more reserved first, then to being too open, before realing it back in. I was very closed, but am now way too open. Wouldn't mind realing it back in some. If and when I start trying again, I am likely to scare off every chick I ever come across. Ha ha!
My whole 'don't care what anyone thinks' attitude makes it easy to ridicule myself, which makes it nearly impossible to hurt me emotionally. Unless, of course, the person is someone close that I care about. Then the 'don't care' attitude isn't really 100% applicable. But don't tell anyone I said that!!!
As far as asking you for advice goes...well you are far more experienced than me in this stuff and at least have a good handle on a lot of it with regards to yourself. Ultimately, the variables are all different due to each person being unique. There is no perfect formula. All you can hope for is to come across someone you can relate to and connect with, who can understand and respect you, and you can do the same in return for. Some of will probably spend our entire lives looking for this.
Now I am sad!
Heh. Not me. She seems to know her shit when it comes to stuff like this. I'm going to pick her brain till i've learned what she knows about it. I suggest you do the same.
I'm more experienced than Trig, and 'know my shit,' eh? I do appreciate the compliment, but let's remember that I'm three years younger than
Rage, have only been in three relationships 'till now, and (obviously) each of those relationships failed. My advice to
others may well be good, but then again, would you trust diet tips from a fat person?
Hence my grain-of-salt warning.
As far as being open- I reeled
way back after over-disclosure pretty much gave my first partner a way of invalidating anything I said or did as a symptom of my dysfunction rather than, for example, reasonable and proportional anger at something he did wrong. (Which was, of course, what had been done to me my entire life by the people around me.) To be fair, at the time, my self-esteem was so low that I blamed myself for everything
anyway, so he didn't really need the excuse... but I think it did play in, and that scared me. In my second relationship I disclosed as little as possible, and I think it (among other mistakes) helped make my partner feel untrusted and un-cared-about.
I have yet to have self-disclosure drive people away (that I'm aware of)-
lack of it probably did. Then again, what's in my past is relatively awful, but I'm starting (within the past few months) to realize that I don't give off vibes of craziness, so when I say "It wasn't my fault, and it turns out I'm actually not nuts," it's probably usually believeable. *shrug*
She does know her shit, in theory! So she is excellent for picking brains. Methinks she either lacks confidence in herself or has not figured out yet how to put these theories to practice.
I'm gonna get ripped a new one for this post, aren't I?
It prolly largely is lack of confidence (in relationships, anyway), difficult putting theories to practice, or lack of ability to make decisions with my
brain.
And, I'm supposed to rip Trig a new one, eh? OK, fine:
Boys, these discussions are fascinating, so ask questions all you want, but do remember: I'm never going to sleep with either of you.