Can not really expound much without tears, but my expectation of the purity of life's force has changed.
Even when you do your best, you could still fail, and leave people behind who needed you to remain for them.
Have not really talked much about it here, but my "new neighbor" (Iraqi war veteran), did not come home this week end. He was home, but died in a bar fight a month after leaving the Marines and all that was his life for the past four years.