Rough fuckn day. I hate fuckn laundry day, caring wet clothes home to dry on my bike.
If I had time, I was going to come back and edit that, when I was calmer. If I did not meditate at all while I caried that fuckn bag, it would been alot worse. It is kind of funny, because I remember the other times on this day where I would be so tired from stress, and saying I want to die. I don't mean it 100 percent, it was more an illustration of my current stressful life. I only am on here 30 minutes to an 60 minutes per day, but I don't have to catch my mom to go visit my grandmother.
So what have I done today? Drank 11 cups full of medicinal herbs in water ( including green tea and chamomile) swallowed tons of supplements ((like alfalfa alpha lipoic acid), did one low intensity exercise session for an hour to help with absorption, another session this time high intensity with stretching and cool down, eating and cleaning up fuckn dishes, showering and using conditioners (ocean potion), and now I have about 1000 errands to do. I have not got a chance to clean those two fuckn rooms out yet either. Will be talking to my bitch while I ride 12miles to walmart for some things, that is right handle bar in one hand phone in the other. Mom did not want me to carry home the laundry wet, but we had a little tiff. I told you I was pissy. I saw my SSI check, then I got reminded of the dire situation I am trying to keep busy and forget. Mom is fuckn nut, and so she was pissing me off. I felt the psychotic mania in the air around her. At least I did not swear at her, and again it could have been worse if I did not meditate. She said she was not coming to check me any more this month because of tiff, but bipolar patrons can't plan so I am doomed. I am hiding the shadows hoping she is not manic that day. Oh well, plenty more practice dealing with that asshole. She keeps stigmatazing me, and I asked her nicely to stop, with a please. She tries to almost rule over me, like she is my guardian. Christ, I don't know how many times its going to take. As many as that poor woman needs, and Jessica is that other poor woman. She is pretty functional, I just wish she could experience what I can. Helping her is a pleasure, so I can imagine why she will not leave me alone. Other men might be fuck faces, so take what you can, because it might not be another good one like that. I am talking about personality here. My sister fuck face said I was attractive, and even if she is a fuck face blunt bag, I agree. She needs to loose a few and straight up her personality before I will hold any respect for her, even if she got a paying job, the one I wanted to have. Its not over till the fat bitch sings, and I don't give up easy. I have plenty of ways of coping, so why should I? If its on my head, I won't give up, but if things become so much that I cannot then I will give up, I know my limits.
