My home life is seems out of my controll, and it still seems that way when I am in a good mood, so I see no way to help anyone.
I am more worried about where I am going to go now, then the funeral I have to go to today. I was thinking on the way down here if I let this frusturation drive me too nuts, I may not see the opportunity that comes knocking that may save my life. It seems as though I may infact be suffering more than my grandmother did, before she died, if it escalates much further. Honestly, I ask for death a few times, but its lucky for me I am so smart. Again, I have to stay as calmn as possible, or I will miss out on something. Its not all my fault, for the fuckn retardness of others keeps messing my life up, and that is such a fuckn drag. I would not mind, but I am seriously getting my life fucked up from it.
In the back of my mind is the suffering of others who I am close to, that is right, I still am kind of mad I can't help, even though I am seriously fucked.
I just want people to learn something, and not something bad about me.