My very goal seems to be to achieve a delusional state.
It's funny, because unlike those who seem truly afflicted
by such things, I neither fully believe that they are possible,
nor desire help in combating against such things. I know that
life can become mundane again.
I've been noticing that I can simulate alcohol intoxication
recently. Some simple physical tricks, and something very
similar to a drunken state comes upon me. Before, I could
only modify what I saw slightly.
Are the waves of change real? Or do I convince myself
that they are? And, of course, does it even matter?
There are two ways to change one's situation. To actually
change the world, or to change ones perception. So, for example,
if one is bothered by homeless people, one could seek out a solution,
and act upon it. On the other hand, one could just change one's taste
to enjoy such things.
So, what about the middle road? Accepting one's perceptions as the underlying
reality, and changing them. More or less what I'm trying. Tried before though, and
failed. Never could maintain the force of will. Back in a time when I thought much
less grandious thunks, and merely sought to put myself into a permanent catatonic
state of dreams. By redefining reality, this all becomes more noble. A shift of perspective.