Since spirituality has been broached, I thought I'd mention the idea posed by Aquinas that existence itself is a form of perfection. He held that God is the only truly perfect/truly good being, and that we cannot be completely perfect because if we were, we would be God, and God could not create another God. Thus, humans have imperfect/evil by necessity, but our very existence is a form of perfection or of good. We are imperfect of necessity and cannot have all perfections; for example, we are finite, and therefore imperfect in a way because being eternal is a form of perfection. A more accessible example (from my phil prof): You can't be perfectly kind and perfectly honest, both at once, all the time. There will come a time when someone asks your opinion on something that matters to them and you'll have to either bend the truth and be nice, or be honest and mean. (Ex.: "Does this shirt make me look fat?" The moderate answer: "It's not your best look." The kind answer: "No, honey, you look wonderful." The most honest answer: "It's not the shirt. You really ARE fat.")
I hope that came out coherent. I'm not advocating the viewpoint but presenting it as it was the first thing that popped into my mind on reading the subject here.
As to the actual relevence here: Cal, I won't advocate suicide. I WILL advocate seeking out help. From what you've posted here, I'm guessing you would benefit from professional help, but you haven't presented yourself as someone whose life should be chucked in the wastebin.