Home Schooling?

[Scrapheap]

There are two therapists who work with him, weekly, who can help him. Everyone else is either intimidated or annoyed by him and they shouldn't be.

You could send your son to get Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu training. 

[Pyraxis]

Part of the problem is that neither one of them is challenged by the academia and the resulting boredom causes another "new" set of problems.

I think that's where extra teaching at home - the fun kind, outside of school - can help. Also demonstrating how to be creative and find fulfilment within guidelines. Like teaching that it's not about pride, it's not about ego battles, it's about how good you can make the work. Whether the restrictions are imposed by other human beings or by unchangeable situational factors is irrelevant. I know that sounds kind of highbrow but that's just because I only know how to explain it on an intellectual level - the concept is still sound.

And gifted programs, inside or outside of school. My parents advocated and got me into whatever ones they could find - art, creative writing, math - and it was one of the coolest things they did for me as a kid.

I have also been asked to consider holding my son back in the second grade, hoping that his emotional development will be more in line with the kids a year younger. Of course, that would compound the problem of not being challenged, in school. Same problem I always had!

LOL, same here. I had the constant fantasy of being sent off to a gifted school. Or failing that, be skipped up a grade. Neither happened, and I was never told why (assumed it was because I wasn't quite good enough, but likely it was because of social skills). Would the school consider any kind of split situation? Like spending part of the day in an older class, doing advanced work - and the more social part of the day with kids on the same emotional level?

[Litigious]

LOL, same here. I had the constant fantasy of being sent off to a gifted school. Or failing that, be skipped up a grade. Neither happened, and I was never told why (assumed it was because I wasn't quite good enough, but likely it was because of social skills). Would the school consider any kind of split situation? Like spending part of the day in an older class, doing advanced work - and the more social part of the day with kids on the same emotional level?

I actually went to kindergarten one year earlier (at 5, the usual age here is 6), because I was considered very mature for my age. I had to go to kindergarten two years instead of one, though. When I was about to start in the real school, they offered me to skip up a grade, but I refused, since all my friends (or rather, my few friends) went to 1st grade that year.

After I was home schooled by my parents and a teacher that came from my old school a couple of hours each weak, I always fantazised about being home schooled at least until university, which, of course, never happened.

[hexacrab]

How I wish my mom had homeschooled me.  I was bullied constantly and it took years to get over the psychological trauma.  I homeschooled my three boys, one from 6th grade to 11th, one from birth til college at fifteen, one from birth til the 6th grade.  I did not homeschool the two girls, one with fetal alchohol effect I got when she was two and she never accepted me as her mother until she left home, and my birth daughter who has retardation, bipolar, OCD, and now seizure disorder to go along with her autism.  After reading Ballestexistenz blog I feel bad about making her go to school which she obviously did not want to do, but I could only handle so much violence per day.  I had to wear long sleeves so people wouldn't think it was my husband beating me.  Anyway, the boys did fine.  Or so I think.  My new stepdaughter told me my oldest son was socially retarded when she met him and she thinks it's due to homeschooling.  I said nothing because I love her and want her to stick around, but I think any social problems he may have had came from ten years of constant verbal and physical abuse from his first wife.  My second son, 25, a sweetheart with a good job, may have some social problems, but that's because he is my clone with a touch of autism.  By the way, if you know any geek girls in the Seattle area who are devout Christians and looking for a husband who might not remember her birthday but will always love her, let me know.  My third son has no difficulties at all (well, maybe having an adoptive mom who embarrasses him because she can't recognize any of his friends as they troop through the house) and loves being in the Air Force.
Anyway, when I homeschooled, there was a group called, I think, NATHANN that was an online support group for those who homeschooled kids with disibilities.  And every single state has a central homeschool group that can direct you to protestant, catholic, mormon, libertarian, and unschooling groups in your area.  It would be good to join the Homeschool Legal Defense Fund, because public schools often go viciously after the kids with IEPs.

[apatura_iris]

I have homeschooled my kids... here are the pros and cons

* Don't listen to anyone who says that homeschooling hurts kids' socialization.  Every study done on the issue shows that homeschooled kids get along better with people of varying ages and have higher self-confidence than regular schooled kids.  And to those who say they would have turned into freaks if they'd been homeschooled... okay maybe, but since they weren't homeschooled, how can they really compare except through conjecture?  There are a lot of weird homeschoolers out there, but I think they were weird by nature and homeschooling didn't turn them that way.

* You will have a lot more time as a family... this is both good and bad.  If you like your kids, it's a great thing.  If they get on your nerves, it's a bad thing.

* Motivated homeschooled kids can learn a lot.  Unmotivated homeschooled kids might do worse than unmotivated regular schooled kids because it's so easy to slack off when you don't have to be accountable to anyone but your parent.

* The sense of responsibility for homeschooling your kids can be crushing, especially if you have little outside help or support.

* If your child is being bullied, and normal recourse has not helped.... screw it and homeschool them.  Nothing is worth letting your kid be bullied.

* A lot of homeschooling material is evangelical christian, and even if you try to be secular, at some point you're going to have fundie christian stuff come through your home.  This doesn't bother me, but it might bother others.

* Some homeschooled kids really do excel... the motivated ones can do amazing things if they take advantage of their opportunity.

I wish I had been homeschooled!

[Callaway]

How I wish my mom had homeschooled me.  I was bullied constantly and it took years to get over the psychological trauma.  I homeschooled my three boys, one from 6th grade to 11th, one from birth til college at fifteen, one from birth til the 6th grade.  I did not homeschool the two girls, one with fetal alchohol effect I got when she was two and she never accepted me as her mother until she left home, and my birth daughter who has retardation, bipolar, OCD, and now seizure disorder to go along with her autism.  After reading Ballestexistenz blog I feel bad about making her go to school which she obviously did not want to do, but I could only handle so much violence per day.  I had to wear long sleeves so people wouldn't think it was my husband beating me.  Anyway, the boys did fine.  Or so I think.  My new stepdaughter told me my oldest son was socially retarded when she met him and she thinks it's due to homeschooling.  I said nothing because I love her and want her to stick around, but I think any social problems he may have had came from ten years of constant verbal and physical abuse from his first wife.  My second son, 25, a sweetheart with a good job, may have some social problems, but that's because he is my clone with a touch of autism.  By the way, if you know any geek girls in the Seattle area who are devout Christians and looking for a husband who might not remember her birthday but will always love her, let me know.  My third son has no difficulties at all (well, maybe having an adoptive mom who embarrasses him because she can't recognize any of his friends as they troop through the house) and loves being in the Air Force.
Anyway, when I homeschooled, there was a group called, I think, NATHANN that was an online support group for those who homeschooled kids with disibilities.  And every single state has a central homeschool group that can direct you to protestant, catholic, mormon, libertarian, and unschooling groups in your area.  It would be good to join the Homeschool Legal Defense Fund, because public schools often go viciously after the kids with IEPs.

Thank you for all that great information about homeschooling, Hexacrab.  I'm very glad you posted.  When you say public schools go after the kids with IEPs, what do you mean?  They place pressure on parents to follow their IEP?

Are you Amanda's mother?  It sounds like she was bullied pretty badly in public high school when she went there too.  I was bullied somewhat, but nothing like she was.  I know how hard it can be to have a daughter who is physically aggressive, though.  My daughter has gotten in some unlucky shots at me while she was melting down and she has bloodied my nose, among other things.

Sorry, I don't know any women in the Seattle area, but I do know a man who has AS who lives in that area.

[DirtDawg]

How I wish my mom had homeschooled me.  I was bullied constantly and it took years to get over the psychological trauma.  I homeschooled my three boys, one from 6th grade to 11th, one from birth til college at fifteen, one from birth til the 6th grade.  I did not homeschool the two girls, one with fetal alchohol effect I got when she was two and she never accepted me as her mother until she left home, and my birth daughter who has retardation, bipolar, OCD, and now seizure disorder to go along with her autism.  After reading Ballestexistenz blog I feel bad about making her go to school which she obviously did not want to do, but I could only handle so much violence per day.  I had to wear long sleeves so people wouldn't think it was my husband beating me.  Anyway, the boys did fine.  Or so I think.  My new stepdaughter told me my oldest son was socially retarded when she met him and she thinks it's due to homeschooling.  I said nothing because I love her and want her to stick around, but I think any social problems he may have had came from ten years of constant verbal and physical abuse from his first wife.  My second son, 25, a sweetheart with a good job, may have some social problems, but that's because he is my clone with a touch of autism.  By the way, if you know any geek girls in the Seattle area who are devout Christians and looking for a husband who might not remember her birthday but will always love her, let me know.  My third son has no difficulties at all (well, maybe having an adoptive mom who embarrasses him because she can't recognize any of his friends as they troop through the house) and loves being in the Air Force.
Anyway, when I homeschooled, there was a group called, I think, NATHANN that was an online support group for those who homeschooled kids with disibilities.  And every single state has a central homeschool group that can direct you to protestant, catholic, mormon, libertarian, and unschooling groups in your area.  It would be good to join the Homeschool Legal Defense Fund, because public schools often go viciously after the kids with IEPs.

Thanks for the info, Hexacrab. I have located the local HSLDA, from your suggestion, and their site has many other resources linked up also. Thanks for the lead! Coincidentally, I learned that the day before I opened this thread, there was a small convention, in downtown Indianapolis, not too far away from me, which I might have gotten additonal info from, had I known about it, beforehand. There will be others, soon, though.

Like Callaway, I don't quite get what you said about public schools going after students with IEPs. Could you please, clarify that, a bit?

[DirtDawg]

I have homeschooled my kids... here are the pros and cons

* Don't listen to anyone who says that homeschooling hurts kids' socialization.  Every study done on the issue shows that homeschooled kids get along better with people of varying ages and have higher self-confidence than regular schooled kids.  And to those who say they would have turned into freaks if they'd been homeschooled... okay maybe, but since they weren't homeschooled, how can they really compare except through conjecture?  There are a lot of weird homeschoolers out there, but I think they were weird by nature and homeschooling didn't turn them that way.

* You will have a lot more time as a family... this is both good and bad.  If you like your kids, it's a great thing.  If they get on your nerves, it's a bad thing.

* Motivated homeschooled kids can learn a lot.  Unmotivated homeschooled kids might do worse than unmotivated regular schooled kids because it's so easy to slack off when you don't have to be accountable to anyone but your parent.

* The sense of responsibility for homeschooling your kids can be crushing, especially if you have little outside help or support.

* If your child is being bullied, and normal recourse has not helped.... screw it and homeschool them.  Nothing is worth letting your kid be bullied.

* A lot of homeschooling material is evangelical christian, and even if you try to be secular, at some point you're going to have fundie christian stuff come through your home.  This doesn't bother me, but it might bother others.

* Some homeschooled kids really do excel... the motivated ones can do amazing things if they take advantage of their opportunity.

I wish I had been homeschooled!

Hi, apatura_iris. I was starting to wonder if I should chase you down and invite you to comment. Thanks for the detailed descriptions, you posted.

I don't want to contradict you, but you mentioned the studies of homeschooled kids being done showed no social impairments from lack of contact with other kids, but I wonder if there are studies done with JUST autistic homeschooled students. I am afraid that, as it has been repeatedly pointed out to me,  MY weak areas will be evident in my kids' education. I can think of nothing more frightening than my kids going through life with the same lack of abilities that I have had. I believe it is inevitable to a large degree, but surely, knowing what we all know, now, the process of adapting some social lessons to my kids' ways of doing things, can be improved upon as time goes on. It sounds good, anyway, but to me, the social part of their education is a stumbling block, mentally at least.

I guess my first question is, how do I not listen to my greatest fear?

[apatura_iris]

I'm sure a study of autistic kids would be different... but... you never know, it still could show benefits, because you know those kids aren't going to be bullied at home (well let's hope not).

How not to listen to your worst fear?  Well first accept that your kids do have your genes, and chances are they will be at least somewhat like you.  But don't disrespect their personhoods to think that just by not going to school they will have no choice but to "be like you."  They will be their own people, even if you TRY to make them like you.

Personally, I think the most important thing for high functioning autistics is that they maintain their self-esteem.  Self-esteem is precisely what schools are expert at debilitating.

And remember... you could always go back to school after giving homeschool a try.  As long as you do everything by the books, the law is on your side.  My NT daughter tried school and after three months was begging to homeschool again, so I let her come back home.

I'm sorry if I've missed the details, but how old are your kids, have they been in school, and who would be in charge of homeschooling them?

[Pyraxis]

Personally, I think the most important thing for high functioning autistics is that they maintain their self-esteem.  Self-esteem is precisely what schools are expert at debilitating.

Welll.... some families are expert at debilitating it too, and chances are they don't realize they're doing it. Without knowing anything else, I'd say it's better for a given kid to have options (home and school, and chuch or other youth groups as well, just to expose them to a variety of people) rather than putting all their eggs in one basket.

Bullying of autistic kids at school can vary in degrees. I was teased but only physically attacked once or twice. It doesn't always turn into major emotional scarring.

As for my saying I would have come out with worse social skills, that's just opinion and extrapolation based on the few home schooling families I know (in Indiana, actually). I haven't read any studies on the issue.

[Litigious]

Home schooling was illegal here when I was home schooled, but my parents didn't bother. And the authorities didn't bother more than coming with threats that they'd force me to go back to school, before they gave up and let me go to another school, which was much better than the old one. I don't know if home schooling is still illegal here. That'll be a great problem for Swedish autie kids, since they will get no grades and thus can't go to high school. That'd be a much greater problem than the authorities trying to force the kids to go to school, which they probably won't.

[DirtDawg]

I'm sorry if I've missed the details, but how old are your kids, have they been in school, and who would be in charge of homeschooling them?

I have a son, eight and a daughter, six, so I'm a total rookie at this stuff and we have a LOOOOONG way to go. I would be the one "in charge" of home schooling.
I'm not as worried about my daughter as I am my son. She seems to be less affected by her symptoms and usually acts much more mature than her age would indicate, but she is tiny, which makes her incredible speech, vocabulary seem very out-of-place. Her emotional maturity is that of a much younger child, however.

This week we attended my son's yearly case conference and they are suggesting a new special class next year, limited to fifteen students, with all age kids attending and an adult for each kid. I don't know if it will help, but I will try anything to keep him from being picked on. At least the way it is going, right now, is not working well and I think it is a couple of other kids who have a large hand in the day-to-day problems. The one-on-one classroom has not been done here, before, except for severely handicapped kids, so it's a "new" thing for everyone. I'm planning on giving that a try. Supposedly, many things will open up for us, with the new school they are building, but you know as well as I do, that a school is an empty building and the only difference between them is the people who make them work.

My "fear" is based on my own fear of failure, mostly. I have lots of faith in them, but my son does have a slight self esteem issue which may have to be addressed separately in the coming years. Hopefully getting him away from two bullies in his present classroom will solve the problems, but we'll see.


Tkanks, again, for your help. The point made about not putting all our eggs in one basket has been our plan from the beginning.

[Litigious]

Do you have Montessori schools in the US? I'm sure they wouldn't allow bullying. On the other hand, I don't know if Montessori schools fit autie children. The best form of education for an autie child would be the old fashion school with the teacher giving the children precise instructions, but minus the bullies, of course.

[Callaway]

We do have some Montessori schools here, but they are mostly private preschools rather than elementary schools.  I think it is like DirtDawg said, it's really more about the people than the place anyway.  I think that special school sounds promising, depending on the people.

[Pyraxis]

The best form of education for an autie child would be the old fashion school with the teacher giving the children precise instructions, but minus the bullies, of course.

Disagree. If one's abilities don't match what's being taught, then the more rigid the teaching and instructions, the less pleasant the learning.