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Author Topic: "They don't have feelings."  (Read 1885 times)

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Offline El

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"They don't have feelings."
« on: February 20, 2007, 03:07:26 PM »
So, my class was going over Autism today, and one student (this elderly woman who seems to be on pot all the time or something) went on this long babble about how people with Autism don't really have emotions.  I'm not offended, but I'm a little annoyed, because she's annoying anyway and she didn't know what she was talking about (as usual).  We're staying on Autism and are going to hit Asperger's next class.  My question is this:  I sit right next to her.  Do you think that maybe before class, I should ask her to clarify what she meant by "don't feel," and if she meant what it sounded like she meant, correct her- using myself as an example or not?  (Apparently I have a series of quetsions there.)  I'd do it not in a mean way (and hopefully not be construed that way).  I didn't say anything then because it didn't seem appropriate, and also because I think she might have just put it very badly and meant more like we don't express emotions the same way (which I admit can be true- I have very little affect now, but it's a vast improvement from when I was a kid and apparently had no facial expression for about 13 years running).  Honestly, I might be doing an AS thing by misunderstanding what she said.  And it might not be worth it at all to mention it to her.  Still, I was a little bit put off by her speil.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
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Offline Pyraxis

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2007, 03:11:27 PM »
I would definitely engage her in conversation. Probably not admit that I was really talking about myself, cause then she'd think I was just being defensive. But logically demonstrate (or if she's not logical, which it sounds like she's not, use whatever persuasive technique might work better) that she was quite full of shit. It's appropriate, if you pretend to be an intellectual discussing ideas - this is class, after all.
You'll never self-actualize the subconscious canopy of stardust with that attitude.

Offline El

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2007, 03:15:21 PM »
Yupyup. She's actually said she thinks I'm "smart" or something (because I was able to tell a lengthy joke, of all things), so I have credability as someone who would "know."  I really think she must have meant "don't show" rather than "don't have" though.  Maybe I'm being too optimistic, but that's what makes the most sense right now.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Callaway

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2007, 03:20:06 PM »
I think that you could talk to her and explain to her that everyone, autistic or not has emotions, but maybe do not express them in the same way.  I would not not use yourself as an example, if I were you.  I saw a good youtube video from Anbuend which may help her understand.  I'll find it if you need it.  It was talking about how some people deliberately did things to her because they knew she would not outwardly respond.  It would probably invoke a visceral reaction in the elderly woman.

Offline Pyraxis

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2007, 03:29:21 PM »
Good point, on the video, Callaway.
You'll never self-actualize the subconscious canopy of stardust with that attitude.

Offline El

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2007, 03:30:46 PM »
If you have a few minutes free I'd be interested to see it, whether or not I actually wind up sharing it with the woman.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Callaway

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2007, 05:51:51 PM »
Here is the one I was talking about, PMS Elle, where Anbuend talks about kids jumping up and down on her during the three months that she spent in a regular high school, because they knew she would not respond or even move:



You might like to see what you can use from this one as well:


Offline McGiver

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2007, 06:42:01 PM »



wow! :clap:

i haven't seen the other one yet.
Misunderstood.

Offline El

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2007, 07:27:50 PM »
Those videos made me want to throw up.

Is there anyplace I can get a relatively straightforward biography of anubend?  I followed her blog, but it would take quite awhile to piece it together.  It seems that maybe she wants it that way, though.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Pyraxis

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2007, 01:20:17 AM »
She's stated explicitly that she keeps her personal history private for a reason. However, to prove various points to various people, she's posted some of her diagnostic paperwork here, if you're willing to sit there for hours deciphering the bad scans.
You'll never self-actualize the subconscious canopy of stardust with that attitude.

Offline anhaga

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #10 on: February 21, 2007, 03:50:04 AM »
I've never been able to write one.  I get bogged down in details, and then I leave important things out, or go on too long about things that aren't important, and eventually give up in frustration.  I can only write bits at a time.  Even if I wanted to, I'd only be able to write a little bit of it.  (I used to try.  Now I'm not all that interested in doing so.)  So part of my style of talking about my life is because of that.

And part of it really is that if you want to get to know me I'd rather you do it gradually.  I do things in public, but I have an intense need for privacy even about things that most people would find silly to be private about (and almost no need for privacy around some things that nearly everyone is private about, so there's little rhyme or reason to it).  It's not comfortable, but this is how I do it.  I know another autistic person who handles the same thing by simply refusing to talk about herself except when relevant to the issues at hand.  I don't take it to that extreme but I understand why she does it that way.  It's balancing public and private, as an introvert, when what you are doing is very public.  And it's tricky.  And yes there are some things I have reasons for not talking about -- not for evasiveness sake, just that there are reasons talking about them would not be a good idea (and I don't always want to go into those reasons to strangers, either).  And some things I'm just plain self-conscious about -- I hide that well, but it's there.  (And when I know that a lot of people are reading or watching me, then I can become self-conscious about nearly everything to a ridiculous degree so that even things I'd normally discuss become impossible.)

The problem is that then since I only write in pieces I have to deal with people's assumptions about those pieces.  When I write about having been in gifted programs, people assume an aspie stereotype.  When I write about a lot of my current life, people assume a LFA stereotype.  (This is one reason I detest the stereotypes, because bits of me at various points in time fit bits of them but all of me has never fit even one of them.)  Then when they find out I don't fit the stereotype, they often get angry at me rather than getting angry at the stereotype.  But if I were to give every detail in expectation of that ("I can't do this now, but I used to, but when I used to do it it wasn't exactly the normal way either, and then before that I had this and that fluctuation", etc) then I'd never write anything because I'd be too focused on covering every contingency for what someone might think (and every detail of my skills, which are not straightforward in how they've been obtained and/or lost for the most part).

So I do it this way, which is imperfect, but it's how I can do it, within the constraints of both what I want to accomplish, what my comfort level is, and other considerations.  If you want to talk to me privately at some point about anything I'd be glad to do so.

Offline El

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #11 on: February 21, 2007, 06:45:33 AM »
Thank you; I'll respect your privacy.
it is well known that PMS Elle is evil.
I think you'd fit in a 12" or at least a 16" firework mortar
You win this thread because that's most unsettling to even think about.

Offline Nomaken

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2007, 05:27:27 AM »
I'm bitter.  I figure someone who would confidently speak about something they have done so little research on is a kind of person not worth wasting time trying to influence.  That is unless they're voting on something important relating to that.  Then there is at least a good reason to talk at them.
And as always, these are simply my worthless opinions.
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We're all fucked, it helps to remember that.

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2007, 08:09:27 AM »
Ignorant NT bastards aren't worth talking to but  :boxers: >:D

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Re: "They don't have feelings."
« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2007, 08:24:09 AM »
Well, well, well. Amanda Baggs of the kewl autistic advocacy gang has decided to enter the fray. This should prove to be of some amusement.

As for the autism whining: Well, some people are always going to have a perspective on autism which differs from yours, so deal with it and stop taking it personally, for fuck's sake.

Seriously, the autism community are so self-centered at times.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 08:43:05 AM by Robert_N »