OK, I like your reaction to my silly suggestion. In retrospect, I felt a little crass dragging something personal out of another thread and making a joke about it at your expense, but you held up well. I did not intend that joke as a test, but your response could certainly be considered a win for you. It shows huge growth on your part, once again, and it shows that a great deal of your previous sensitivity has turned towards productive thought.
I can't really add anything serious to your dilemma with sex, but my first impression is that you simply did not "click" with your other BF and that he was just really glad to finally be getting steady pussy and totally blew it by pressuring you. His loss.
You still have not found the right one - the bf that makes you want to have lots of sex with HIM. That's what I think, but also a middle ground must be met between each ones appetite for sex when two people are in a couple relationship. This inability to find a middle ground is the basis for many three way relationships.
Thinking that the sex is more important than the rest of you (talking about your old BF) is a mistake in many cases, though. Don't allow yourself to fall into that line of thinking, which some of your comments are leading to.
It is good that you are not allowing yourself to be pressured into having sex. That is just one more step on the path to more severe abuses.
phobia.