Don't worry; self-abuse is natural and healthy.
...
It's complicated. (At least in my head.) Basically I operate under the assumption that the world is a hostile place and people are manipulative shits. So when I go out into the world and discover people being "nice" and "inclusive", it's baffling. I could accept it, except that in their niceness and inclusiveness they actually close out the things that are life-blood to me - adventure, and danger, and extremes. I set out after these things and come off, ironically, like a manipulative shit. But the thing is I don't actually want to be widely liked. If I was (and there have been times in my life I have been) then I would get bored as hell and start sabotaging it.
There, my emo for the day.