The horrid puns in this. It came from the straight dope site.
Here's a long one, from the old Dr. Demento radio show. I'm doing this from memory, so forgive me if I miss anything.
It was April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year. I was driving through downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray-- and it was overheating.
So I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Just fix the darn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"
While they were doing that I went over to a place I know called the Oyster Bar. It was a real dive, but I knew the owner; he used to play for the Dolphins. I said, "Hi, Gill!!" (You have to shout; he's hard of herring.) Gill was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water.
I bellied up to the sandbar. Gill poured me the usual-- rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken not stirred-- with a peanut-butter-and-jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the mako. I slipped him a fin, on porpoise. I was feeling good; I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids, just for the halibut.
Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the big band sound of Tommy Dorsal. What sole!
Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular tuna-- "Salmon 'Chanted Evning"-- and the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, who were probably there to see the bass player.
One of them's this cute little yellowtail, and she's giving me the eye. So I figure this is my chance to get a little piece of Pisces. But she said things I couldn't fathom; she was just too deep, and seemed to be under a lot of pressure. And boy, could she drink! She drank like a... well, she drank a lot.
I said, "What's your sign?"
She said, "Aquarium."
I said, "Great, let's get tanked!"
I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on baby, it'll only take a few minnows."
She threw me that same old line, "Not tonight, I got a haddock."
And she wasn't kidding either, because in came the biggest, meanest-looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen shrimp, don't you come trolling around here." What a crab. This guy was steamed! I could see the anchor in his eyes.
I turned to him and said, "Abalone, you're just being shellfish." Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gill, because he was alread on the phone to the cods.
The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless. I said, "Forget the cods, Gill! This guy's gonna need a sturgeon!"
Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me and said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?"
I said, "Marlin."
After that we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner, I took her to dance, I bought her a bouquet of flounders. I went home with her. And what do I get for my troubles? A case of the clams!
