All you shitheads have gotten me to look at my shit, lately. I generally have no problems, at all, with my elimination of excess contaminates. I was always a once-in-the-morning-does-it Kind of guy until I got older and became more sedentary, but I still have no issues. I usually do a mercyflush, immediately after plopdown, and never have a look to judge its character. Sometimes, the incrimination I already feel over something I over-enjoyed with knowingly decided gluttony is enough of analysis, and when combined with the olfactory evaluation, I am satisfied that every definitive test has been performed as I quickly stab for the flush lever, but this idea of looking for a sign of a bowel obstruction, in the flowery offscourings, has me checking every one before the compassionate, wallpaper saving, first flush.
This morning's first edition was quite manly, indeed, agreeably curling its malodorous repugnance two thirds of the way around the water's surface, nicely tapering on each end, relatively uniform and homogenous in both coloring and texture. Pure shit, I'd say. But how big in diameter is expected? I don't know. I've certainly done bigger, in both diameter and overall accumulation, and smaller, too, sometimes more rancid and occasionally somewhat fresh still, considering its origin and reflecting on its composition, that is. After a quick estimation of diameter regarding the current edition, I would say it was two fingers in diameter. Is that big enough to not worry about? Should I be doing a three finger? Should I compare its diameter with some other body part, maybe? I'd guess one and a half noses, for instance or seventy five percent of one dick diameter, one and a half thumb diameters and one and a quarter bigtoe diameters. I know I'm not obstructed in any way, but should I be concerned about it? I wonder ...
The second, supplemental update was obviously smaller in every way, but I noticed an unmistakable conglomerate structure, varying in color and texture along its length, almost as if someone had tried to divide it into paragraphs, adding bold emphasis to certain important cargo or conceivably it could have gotten into a fight over some territorial dispute, likely with tomorrow's early edition. Diameter-wise, I'd call it about one good thumb, roughly, but the damn thing was extremely claustrophobic and a little demanding considering its stature. It is also obvious, to me, that its self esteem was fairly low, but I wonder ...
Should I turn it over, poke at it also and inspect every inch looking for fineprint, to be sure? Or in the instance of a bad case of hemorrhoids, which I had many years ago, should I be wary of finding a bloodgroove on one side, like an old saber would have? If, after its liberation, the cross section should resemble a "C" shape I probably have another bout with 'roids coming, right? So I really should do a cross sectional imprint of each one and keep a log ... a log log, it would be ... Dawg's Log Log. I wonder ...
