That the only way to 'fit in' on this forum is to have super high self esteem, little emotional expression and to not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks of you... but then again, from what I have seen, you also have to be willing to be molded into something that everyone does see as acceptable among their little group... thus, until you toe the line, you are seen as annoying or whatever other little label can best be thrown out to describe you. And God help you if your self esteem is shaky, as it sure wont be improved by this place. I have to ask...just what is this site for? What is it's aim as it certainly cannot be seen as any sort of a place where people can truly be themselves... unless themselves happens to fit this pre defined model. Myself happens to be someone with extremely low self esteem, a steady fear of rejection and a lot of anger... so I suppose I do not fit the pre defined model. I do not fit in. I have to go...or repress and suppress those parts of me that are deemed unacceptable. Which is even funnier as many aspies spend their whole lives molding themselves to what society deems acceptable...and then you have a forum like this where you must once again mold yourself to another set of accepted behaviours and ways of being. Thus, to fit in here, I must withold any emotional expression that might be perceived as 'emo', I must develop an immensely thick skin to cope with the barrage of hurtful comments (Oh my god, I said the word hurtful... I must be emo, because I get hurt!) yet at the same time as developing this thick skin, I must remain aware that other people have feelings... I find this quite paradoxical, because to do all this, I have to become a hard faced bitch who doesnt care about others, or about what they say and to do this, I must detach. Been there, done that. So I have a choice, the way I see it. I can either just leave and remain as I am and accept that Intensity is simply not open to a diversity of personalities and ways of expressing... or I can stay and mold myself into what others here might see as acceptable and as someone who 'fits in'.
Oh, stop it.
I've heard people complain about being on an emotional rollercoaster, before, but that's the way life is. It's loaded with ups and downs. If you're lucky enough to be on a rollercoaster, at least you have tracks to ride on, you are at least grounded to something. Some people have no stablizing foundation, like a balloon in a hot air current, no connection to anything, completely untethered, floating. To me that's kind of a definition of emo, too. A downy feather in an emotional wind or maybe a fart ... no substance at all.
I see more than that from you in many of your posts and especially your poetry and photography ..... but I'll be damned if I can figure out your base, foundation, or anchor.
What kind of things would be a base, foundation or anchor? What is your base? Not sure I have ever had one really. For a time, my anchor was my strong sense of there being a lot more to the universe than what we see(ie-spirituality, but not the religious kind), but I wandered off that path so I dont know anymore really.
A base could be anything that defines your life. It hasn't always been easy for me to determine, but now I have an intimate relationship with another person, my wife, and we have become a union. Out of that union, we have two kids, a dog, a garden, a mortgage, car payments, laundry, movie nights, sit down dinners, carpet to vacuum, kid books and toys everywhere, but most of those would be anchors to some people, (bad anchors) rather than a foundation. Maybe I'm the wrong person to ask, because the question is too easy for me, but that's my base, right now.
I thank the heavens that it's been a long time since I defined my life by my pain and fear. I sense that many of us still do, though. That's what I mean by "I can't figure" you out. What you seem to talk most about is your pain. I want to know more about your laughter and your warm feelings, if they are not too private.
